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So angry at my brother

(48 Posts)
mamatiger83 Sun 01-Jan-17 11:45:31

A bit of backstory to explain, on Christmas Day my dcs each received an iPad and were understandably very excited about it. We had lunch at my dads house with my sister and her family and my brother and his family. My ds is 11 and has just started at secondary school, since then his personality has. changed somewhat but not in any way I did not expect, he is getting the bus independently etc, he's growing up. His attitude at times is less then ideal but I put that down in large part to his age, the onset of puberty etc. He still gets a talking to or a punishment if he does something he knows he shouldn't.
So xmas day he is full of excitement and a little cocky wanting to show off his new iPad which I think is fair enough. He wasn't bring rude just look what I have isn't it awesome, my brother however decided my son was being annoying and took his glasses off him, saying oh well now you can't see it so my son (wrongly) kicked him. I was in the kitchen cooking at this point so my sis in law defused the situation and told my brother off and then sat with my son looking at his iPad.
I was unaware of all of this until last night when it came up. I was automatically wound up as soon as it came out that he had taken my sons glasses, he knows my son has had trouble with bullies at senior school taking his stuff and it's really upsetting for him. I could have just moved on from that though until he said, "well you know your son is a right twat!!"
I'm thinking, my son is an 11 year old child, you are a 30 year old man.
Who treats a child that way? Who would then go and slag off a child to its mother! I'm so angry at him!!

Silverdream Sun 01-Jan-17 11:56:57

No wonder you're angry.
I feel your brother is being an idiot and reacting to that feeling of needing to show they are the alpha male.
So he acts like a bully to your son then tries to defend his actions or tries to make him look better by downing your son to you.
If he slags your son off it will some how make him look the better person. Well it doesn't. I'd tell him to take a long look at himself as his actions are that of a child not a teen.

Silverdream Sun 01-Jan-17 11:58:09

*actions are that of a child not an adult. Meant to say.

mamatiger83 Sun 01-Jan-17 12:05:16

It got pretty heated last night as I'm sure you can imagine, ending with him storming out still claiming he was somehow in the right

Silverdream Sun 01-Jan-17 12:40:22

He won't admit he's wrong so the only thing to do is leave. Well done for telling him.
I hope your son is ok about it now.
If your brother keeps on just ask him if you pulled someone's hearing aid out , or took a walking frame away because they were getting on your nerves would he clap on you on the back and say well done. I doubt it very much.

Happybunny19 Sun 01-Jan-17 13:13:16

Wow your brother was being an immature twat. Well done for calling him out on his behaviour. Your son's at an age that you expect to behave like an idiot, unfortunately your brother has grown past that age and is simply a massive knob for life.

Meeep Sun 01-Jan-17 13:16:56

If someone took my glasses off my face they'd deserve a kick from me.

Your brother is a loser.

Ilovecaindingle Sun 01-Jan-17 13:21:48

Your son stood up to a bully.
Well done him.

Haffdonga Sun 01-Jan-17 13:33:03

Your son kicked him? And that's OK in any sense because...?

Yes your brother is a twat. No he shouldn't have taken off your ds's glasses. That sounds like a twatty unkind uncle's joke and slightly bullying but to condone your ds kicking him is fucking awful parenting.

GTS Sun 01-Jan-17 13:39:59

How is the OP condoning her ds kicking him Haffdonga? Think it's really disgusting to call that 'fucking awful parenting'.
Your brother sounds like a complete bully and as a grown adult should be ashamed of himself for that behaviour.

mamatiger83 Sun 01-Jan-17 13:40:36

Excuse me where did I say I condoned it??

larrygrylls Sun 01-Jan-17 13:53:09

Sorry, but taking off someone's glasses who needs to see is very frightening and aggressive.

I can totally see why your son reacted as he did.

Haffdonga Sun 01-Jan-17 14:22:21

Condoned it by nowhere giving the slightest indication that you told your ds he shouldn't have kicked.
Condoned it by expressing extreme anger at your twattish brother (justifiably) but not mentioning that you were also unhappy about your ds responding with violence to a bad joke.

Have you suggested better tactics to your ds on ways to respond to bullies that physical aggression?

SandyY2K Sun 01-Jan-17 14:29:32

Your brother was 100% wrong.

He acted like a bully and quite frankly, I think he was jealous of the iPad.

It's no suprise your son responded that way.

I wear glasses and can barely see without them, so I'd be mad if someone took them off me. How dare he do that to your son.

It's like taking a person's false leg off.

Your brother owes your son an apology.

SandyY2K Sun 01-Jan-17 14:33:18

How do adults expect respect from children, when they behave like your brother did. Then he calls your son a twat.

I think if my brother did that .... I'd be keeping my son and myself away from him for a very long time.

I'd be furious like you are.

SandyY2K Sun 01-Jan-17 14:34:31

HaffD her brother is the problem here, not her son.

Ellisandra Sun 01-Jan-17 14:39:37

I'd go nuts if someone took my glasses off me. I'm very shortsighted and have worn them for 35 years, I even wear them in the shower! Anyone who doesn't wear them all the time has no idea how disorienting it is to be without them.

To actually reach over and remove them is quite an aggressive thing to do.

mamatiger83 Sun 01-Jan-17 15:01:10

Haffdonga read where I said my son (wrongly) kicked. I don't need to explain how I chose to deal with that but suggest you refrain from skim reading.

mamatiger83 Sun 01-Jan-17 15:05:26

His attitude at times is less then ideal but I put that down in large part to his age, the onset of puberty etc. He still gets a talking to or a punishment if he does something he knows he shouldn't.

^^ you were too busy skimming to see where this would apply if he does something he shouldn't

AvonCallingBarksdale Sun 01-Jan-17 15:06:00

Ignore Haffdonga. I wear glasses - you'd get short shrift if you took them off me. I doubt I would kick, but then I'm not 11. Your brother is supposedly the adult. Stupid man.

mamatiger83 Sun 01-Jan-17 15:10:48

It's ok you always get one to pick out a tiny detail and run with it, I imagine this sort of thing would not happen in their perfect world!!
As for my son I did tell him violence is not ok, I have also taught him nobody is allowed to take his stuff from him.
DS needs his glasses they aren't an accessory the poor thing has really bad vision. Regardless of whether or not is was a joke it didn't seem that way to him, you wouldn't take a hearing aid from somebody with an impairment.

MatildaTheCat Sun 01-Jan-17 15:12:10

ds (wrongly) kicked him.

OP wasn't in the room. How on earth can that be called condoning his behaviour. DS was being a child bit silly and possibly irritating. DB was a twat and got kicked by that child Because of that.

I'd leave it now. DB won't concede but you are rightly annoyed with him. One day he'll have DC and then how you will laugh.

mamatiger83 Sun 01-Jan-17 15:14:58

He does have a very high spirited toddler who is wonderful, full of mischief like a normal 3 year old. This drives him bonkers. Of course he believes she will grow into a wonderful obedient child who would never dare put a foot wrong. lol he will learn!!

nurseinwonderland Sun 01-Jan-17 15:18:50

Cocky or not, there is no reason at all that your brother should have taken your son's glasses off. My youngest went through a phase of taking mine off when he was FIVE. He quickly learnt that mummy didn't like this because I couldn't see and it was the equivalent of me hiding his eyes so he couldn't see.
Your brother is an arse and your son reacted in a typical 11 year old way when he felt threatened. 11 year olds don't consider the consequences of their actions and are often impulsive.

Cakeycakecake Sun 01-Jan-17 15:22:37

Oh I'm so glad he has karma a three year old. Got one of those. Way to make sure you realise that kids don't do what you think they're supposed to. Need a damn manual.

Hope your ds is ok. Your brother is a dick and I'd have kicked him too. I'm blind as a feckin bat and losing my sight makes me lose the plot. If I put them down and my son moves them I go crazy. Panic. I'm sure that's how your ds felt.

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