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Why do people think it's okay to crash back into your life?

(15 Posts)
Bambamrubblesmum Sun 01-Jan-17 09:48:52

Just because it's new years eve and they are feeling sentimental hmm

I went NC with a long standing 'friend' a number of years ago. It was a conscious choice on my part with clear reasons. Since then life has been a lot better with less drama.

Ex friend didn't accept my decision and sent flying monkeys, but I stood firm because my decision was right for me. It was a toxic situation and not one I wanted to be involved with anymore.

Anyway woke up today and found message in my inbox out of the blue as if nothing had happened.

I feel pissed off tbh. I now have to go through all of my decision process in my head and reopen a can of worms when I was having a lovely morning with my family.

Anyone else had this today from a NC friend or relative?

KinkyAfro Sun 01-Jan-17 10:08:13

You didn't block her then when you went NC?

Montane50 Sun 01-Jan-17 10:10:54

Block and carry on with your lovely morning with your family, the only drama here is you making it into one.

Lorelei76 Sun 01-Jan-17 10:10:58

Now you just ignore it like nothing happened, best thing to do.

DoomGloomAndKaboom Sun 01-Jan-17 10:16:07

Delete the email and pretend it never happened.

Bambamrubblesmum Sun 01-Jan-17 10:46:26

I never thought to block, it was a few years ago when I wasn't very up on doing that blush Now I know and it's done as of today!

I'm not trying to make a drama, I'm just having a reaction. But I do know that the whole bloody thing will start up again.

This person is part of a social network that other members of my family are in contact with, hence the flying monkeys.

I'm just bracing myself for the 'so and so said x had sent you a message but you hadn't responded. Why don't you just send a friendly happy new year back?'

Then I have to justify my position all over again. I've tried the 'I don't want to discuss it' approach and the drip, drip of information or opinion is just bloody annoying.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone else is in this boat and feeling the same way.

I'm dealing with PND at the moment so I really don't need this to bloody start up again sad

HappyJanuary Sun 01-Jan-17 10:48:10

Was it a personal message or just one they sent to everybody in their contacts?

Lilaclily Sun 01-Jan-17 10:50:43

I don't understand what flying monkeys means !

Bambamrubblesmum Sun 01-Jan-17 10:54:30

Personal message. It was written as if we'd just chatted last week. Talking about our kids etc. Definitely meant for me.

headinhands Sun 01-Jan-17 11:00:27

Your definitely reacting more strongly than you need to. She hasn't come crashing into your living room while you were watching The One Show. Just ignore it and play dumb.

keepingonrunning Sun 01-Jan-17 11:08:48

I'm just having a reaction
This was the purpose of the message. Ignore. Easy.
Respond and you will get sucked back into the quick sand.
Flying monkeys = delegates of toxic person, unwitting or otherwise, whom toxic person recruits to spread fear indirectly in his/her target. (It's a reference to The Wizard of Oz story)

keepingonrunning Sun 01-Jan-17 11:12:14

Don't mention to anyone you even received it. Pretend to yourself the message never arrived. Let anyone who cares wonder if she is lying.

TheSparrowhawk Sun 01-Jan-17 11:18:14

If someone mentions the message just say 'I have no idea what you're talking about' over and over till they shut up.

Bambamrubblesmum Sun 01-Jan-17 11:50:47

I'm probably getting it out of proportion. My thinking isn't objective at the moment and perhaps things are magnified in my own mind.

I do like the idea of not even mentioning it to anyone. Although DH now knows and thinks it's a bit bonkers after what happened. Even he said that the situation was unhealthy.

There was an underlying tone in the message of 'well another year has passed, are you going to stop being silly now?' about it. Probably designed to get a reaction as you say.

Lorelei76 Sun 01-Jan-17 15:18:32

If anyone asks you, don't pretend, then you'll get another approach. Tell them it's none of their business.

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