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Emotional abuse

(10 Posts)
chickaroo Sun 01-Jan-17 09:16:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSparrowhawk Sun 01-Jan-17 09:25:41

Any behaviour that is intended to make the other person feel bad - sulking, ignoring, silent treatment, name calling, gaslighting, subtle put downs, criticism, bullying, mocking.

Greypaw Sun 01-Jan-17 09:35:18

Patricia Evans defines verbal abuse at least as "a lie told about you, to you". Could be outright name calling, accusations, minimising or denying your experience, silent treatment (I suppose the lie there is that you're not worth talking to), telling you you have no choice in something etc

MonkeysLostApostrophe Sun 01-Jan-17 10:24:00

I'm not really clear about this either.
What if someone frequently snaps at you? My possibly -ex OH, (haven't decided for sure yet), is always so irritable with me.
The final straw was when we were sitting watching a film after what I'd thought was a lovely day together. I made a comment about the film and out of nowhere he just snapped at me making a criticism about one of my character flaws.
Is this emotional abuse?

TheSparrowhawk Sun 01-Jan-17 10:27:27

Yes it is Monkeys. But who cares anyway, no matter what it is you don't have to put up with it.

ThirdThoughts Sun 01-Jan-17 10:32:20

I think there's an element of it being a regular pattern of behaviour. E.g. anyone can make an unkind remark, but if they repeatedly target an individual we'd recognise it as bullying behaviour.

I suppose how they react to being told "I don't like it when you speak to me like that, please stop." gives an indication of whether the behviour is intentionally hurtful, or a pattern of being generally critical/pessimistic which they would attempt to change if they knew it was hurting.

Evilrhooo Sun 01-Jan-17 13:56:27

Personal experience, I would class EA as anything that is done to upset, scare, depress or upset you.
Often you are told it didn't happen, or that you misinterpreted the situation. This then adds to your uncertainty and confusion.
It does not happen all the time. I at first thought it was not happening to me as it happened every few months with nice bits in between. Eventually you are waiting for the next incident.
Verbal bullying can be so subtle, for instance a silly subject, that it can take place in front of others. What they don't know is that it will continue when they have gone.
Stopping sleep is another one.
Acting up when you have visitors possibly in the hope that you don't have any more!

It's like living on a ship in the middle of a storm. You can never find your footing.

And it won't ever stop. It may change, increase but never stop.

RebelRogue Sun 01-Jan-17 14:17:46

If you wouldn't want it to happen and it's not ok to happen to your sister,friends,mother,child etc....it's abuse,and it should't happen to you either.

Olympiathequeen Sun 01-Jan-17 15:01:48

Anything that leaves you feeling upset, confused, guilty (without knowing what you are guilty of) struggling to know why you are arguing, trying to explain to someone that 'x' wasn't your intention, on the receiving end of criticism that isn't warranted and constantly on the defensive.

When you catch yourself saying
No, I didn't start an argument to upset you. What have I said to give you that impression?
I'm sorry. I didn't realise you would take it that way.
I don't understand what I've done wrong

Defending yourself against outright lies but because the abuser is so convincing you are upset, not because they are true, but that the person you love could ever believe that of you.

Evilrhooo Sun 01-Jan-17 15:04:31

All of these are spot on.

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