Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Perspective please?

(8 Posts)
fatasbutter Sun 01-Jan-17 08:15:22

Apologies if this echoes other threads too much...

I just don't know whether this marriage is worth fighting for - we have been married for almost 10 years and have 2 DS (2 and 6 yo). DH is highly intelligent and has the melancholic personality to go with it - for the last 6 years at least he has been so low and angry all the time. I realise his behaviour is related to his MH issues, but after years of being shouted at (and now the kids are getting it) I am just exhausted! He has never been physically violent but the constant walking on eggshells and trying to predict his mood is hard. He refuses to talk sensibly about 'us' and goes into childish 'woe is me' mode or alternatively 'you started it' etc mode if I try.

He now complains I am not interested in him sexually, but he is like Jekyll and Hyde, so I can't really relax around him any more.

Of course to add to this he is extremely lazy around the house and can't be bothered to spend time with the kids as he is so busy worrying about things like work. I work part time (2 days a week - for my sanity! I am not a SAHM as too impatient myself with the poor DC's!) and can work more when youngest is in school, but am frightened at the thought of going it alone, let alone the effect it might have on DH's MH (and more importantly DCs)

Is this a 'normal' hard phase of marriage?! Do I just need to keep trying and ride it out or am I deluding myself that it could change? I feel now like I am trying to 'change him' but also that when we first met he was so much happier and carefree and it could all be depression that's doing this, so he could still improve!

TheSparrowhawk Sun 01-Jan-17 08:21:39

In theory he could improve but only if he seeks help. In the meantime he needs to leave. It's not normal or acceptable to be someone's servant/punching bag.

fatasbutter Sun 01-Jan-17 08:22:39

Thanks for replying!
He has been back to the GP but in my pessimistic state of mind, I'm not sure whether he will properly see things through...

Motherfuckers Sun 01-Jan-17 08:25:56

Are you sure he is "highly intelligent"? He sounds like a big spoilt baby. Why would you put up with this shit?

TheSparrowhawk Sun 01-Jan-17 08:27:10

That's up to him. But he cannot treat you and your children like shit while being lazy and childish. He needs to stop that or fuck off.

Hellothereitsme Sun 01-Jan-17 08:29:18

Has his mental health been diagnosed by medical staff or is this a self diagnosis?

fatasbutter Sun 01-Jan-17 08:31:46

All his intelligence is used up at work and we get what's left when he comes home - or at least that is how I feel at the moment!
He is about to change to a different, slightly less stressful job which involves us moving - and that is why I am more conscious of things as I don't want things to be exactly the same in a new place

fatasbutter Sun 01-Jan-17 08:32:47

Yes it has been diagnosed by medical staff and he has been on tablets for ages - his job has made things much much worse (hence the change) recently

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now