Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Refusing access

(4 Posts)
user1471805158 Sat 31-Dec-16 19:03:51

To cut a long story short, I'm pregnant with my ex boyfriends baby. We were only together for a short amount of time and I unexpectedly became pregnant. Although we barely knew each other, we decided to stick together and that we would both be the best parents possible to this baby.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and things changed. It came out that he had a violent criminal record for which he was on a 12 month good behaviour for assault and had a serious drug problem, smoking weed everyday and regularly snorting cocaine. On top of this, we were pretty much living together and while I was at home, severely poorly due to bad morning sickness he would go out to the pub and come home drunk, at least 5 nights a week. He became increasingly violent, and although he never physically touched me, he would throw furniture at me and around me and scream in my face and stop me from leaving the room or the house.

I eventually built up the courage to leave him, I was terrified of being pregnant and by myself and what he would do if I tried to leave, and I moved back in with family, which is over 2 hours away from him. I received a lot of abuse from him, his family and friends, including himself wishing me and the baby were both dead. Since this I have had to block himself from all social media as well as his phone number.

My question is, am I in the wrong for not wanting this man to have access to this baby? I wouldn't trust him, or his family, around me alone never mind a defenceless baby? And where would I stand legally should it come to a court proceeding? I have evidence in texts of the abuse I went through and of his apologising for throwing things at me but it was never officially documented.

YetAnotherUser Sat 31-Dec-16 19:26:04

Each situation is different but as a rule of thumb the courts promote contact where possible... So if he was serious about being a part of the child's life then he probably would get contact. Probably in a contact centre at first, and moving to unsupervised in the community if all went well.

However the flip side is that people with the character traits you describe usually don't make comitted parents, so that chances of him pursuing it are probably slim.

scottishdiem Sat 31-Dec-16 19:29:28

I would also try to keep a record of all the abuse if you can as well as the texts. This can provide evidence later if needed. All threats to you and your family should result in a call to the police for the same reason.

OneWithTheForce Sat 31-Dec-16 19:30:06

Fuck, in your shoes I'd leave the country before the baby was born and never come back.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now