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My crappy family make me want to cry!!

(10 Posts)
fireflyfairy2 Tue 20-Feb-07 17:44:01

I am so upset right now, but am aware that I may also be over reacting to lots of things.

I am one of 5 girls, & we have 3 brothers.

Our father suffers heart problems & for the past 2 weekends he has been in casualty being monitered as he has chest pains. About 8 yrs ago he had a massive heart attack & has been on various tablets ever since.

Anyway, he had to go in for dye tests to see if there were blockages in his heart, we knew he was on the waiting list but I didn't know if he had a date for the tests or not. Then on Friday morning I got a text from my sis saying her dh had taken dad to hosp for the tests & sis was bringing him home... first I knew he had the date!!

[I had been texting my mum earlier to say I had passed an exam & she replied saying well done, see you next week, but hadn't mentioned my dad going into hosp, they are seperated but close & live next door to each other]

I text my sister saying I hadn't even known he was for the hosp. Later the sis who picked him up text me to say he was out, tired & sore but he had 2 bad blockages & needs a bypass. I was so angry I replied saying I'm glad she felt I had the right to know that seeing as no-one felt I had the right to know he was in hosp. She enevr replied. I called my mum who said I might have forgotten he was goin in that day.. I hadn't forgotten, I was never told in the first place. Anyway, my other sis said she thought I knew or would have told me herself, she said I was there in my other sis kitceh when they discussed it [I wasn't even there that day as my other sis confirmed later]

Anyway, I had sort of got over that, just felt a litle out of the loop... then today my older sis texted me to say her son was ok now, & that she was glad to be out of the hosp.... first I even knew she & nephew were in hosp Nephew suffers from infections in chest & throat a lot & sis worries sick about him.

I sent a text saying "ffs, I am so sick of this!! No-one ever tells me anything!! I am sorry I wasn't there for you, I wish I had've known"

Turns out she had no mobile with her & she does have a crap memory, she called one of my sis at home & told her to pass the msg on to everyone...she had..but not to me.So basically all of them knew [& the one who lives about 5 mins from me] but no-one thought to tell me I feel so shit.

She said don't blame the rest of them, she was to blame for not getting money in her phone to call/text me.. but IMO she had enough on her plate, & some of the other 3 girls should have let me know.

I just feel like no-body tells me anything & I want to know why!!

PersonalClown Tue 20-Feb-07 17:56:31

Are we related in anyway?
My family do exactly the same to me, I was the last to know when one db was arrested, when one decided to move to Ayia Napa etc,
I've given up worrying about it and do the same back. I don't tell them anything about my life. My dm got the arse when she found out that I had finished with a bloke I had been seeing for over a year. She didn't even know about him and was bothered that she couldn't start asking for more grandchildren!!

With regards to your family's health problems I can only suggest that everytime you see them, ask outright if there is anything happening. You may get told the same stuff again but at least you'll know.

fireflyfairy2 Tue 20-Feb-07 18:02:17

I had thought it maye have been because of the lack of phonecalls & the increase of keeping in touch via texts. I had always classed us as a close family, now I don't know

The last text my sis sent me said "he's fine now, don't worry, I suppose mum didn't tell you uncle X has cancer?"

No mum didn't tell me that He is her brother

[I met my cousin who is a nurse after that & she told me, but as far as mum is aware, I don't know. I am going to wait until she tells me]

Thanks for reading PC

PersonalClown Tue 20-Feb-07 18:04:43

Not a problem FF2. I know how isolating it can feel when everyone else seems to know and you don't.
Feel free to let it all out. I'm all ears(so to speak!)

fireflyfairy2 Tue 20-Feb-07 20:42:51

Aww thanks PC. I just feel like I am moaning.

My sis just called me. It was her son who was in hosp. She said don't blame sis2 for not texting me, although I do, as she was able to text other sis & let her know. How hard would it have been to added my name to sis's & let both of us know??

This has been brewing for a while now, I have no idea what's wrong with sis2. She is younger than me & we were really close until recently. She got married in the summer & I haven't seen much of her since. I totally understand though, as she needs time to adjust to her new life with her husband. But even the last night we were all out as a group she spent the whole night making snide comments behind my back. Just fed up with it & I'm not sure I can let it lie anymore

vizbizz Tue 20-Feb-07 21:15:18

I know what you mean! When I chat to my mum I always ask how everyone is, and she always seems to say fine. When I talk to my sister, I have to run through the whole list of relatives before I get an answer for each one...otherwise I hear that they are all "fine".

I guess people are just preoccupied with their own lives? It's really frustrating, especially when you live a distance from everyone else. It's like the old saying - you can choose your friends, but not your family.

foxabout2pop Tue 20-Feb-07 21:22:02

FF2 - IKHY Feel - My brother, who has Downs, dissapeared a few years ago for over 24 hours and no one in my family even bothered to contact me to tell me he was missing

Similarly I'm having a baby (due next week) and only my Dad will be helping and he's trying to make out its a bit of an inconvenience.

Its very hurtful isn't it?

Tell them you really want to be kept informed; you do care and you are hurt that no one tells you anything...

fireflyfairy2 Tue 20-Feb-07 21:50:56

I just spoke to my other sis dd on msn. I asked her if her mam knew nephew had been in hosp & she said "Yeah, XXXXXX text & told her"

So why the fuck hasn't anyone let me know?? God this is silly seeing as how he is home now & he is fine, but I wonder would anyone have told me if he wasn't!

When my parents seperated, I was told after she had thrown him out. The rest of them knew she had suspicions that he was messing round behind her back.. nobody told me.

I am not far away, I live 30mins away from them, & one sis even lives 5 mins away.

I need to move on & stop holding this anger, but it's so hard.

Thanks vizbizz & fox, I am sorry for moaning. Sorry to hear your bro went missing, not nice. Especially not nice when nobody thinks of calling & letting you know!!

foxabout2pop Tue 20-Feb-07 21:55:38

FF2 - families have the ability to really stick the knife in where it hurts and sometimes they don't even realise they're doing it

fireflyfairy2 Tue 20-Feb-07 22:18:20

I know

But I keep thinking it's me who is the problem.

I tell others "People will treat you the way you let them treat you" So I guess I had better start listening to my own advice & stop wallowing in self pity

Thanks xx

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