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Want to get on better with my PIL

(4 Posts)
PeachMelba78 Fri 30-Dec-16 19:44:04

I have been with my partner for 10 years, married for 8 and have 2 children together. My PIL are kind, lovely people and they adore our children. However I find myself exasperated by them and I would love some tips to help me get on better with them!

They both lie, about really silly things and get very defensive when anyone points this out (examples - my FIL often farts and will deny it even when his wife tells him he has done it! He also slammed the door and when I asked him to please not do it again he denied it).

They are also very passive and cannot understand why our children respond better to my parents who actively 'parent' them by keeping them safe when out, telling them to be quiet when appropriate, play with them rather than watching them, etc.

We cannot let them have the kids alone as we have done this in the past and they have got stressed and confused, to the point of giving my younger child the wrong medication and dosage when we clearly marked them and encouraged them to call us if they wanted to check anything. Even putting the kids to bed they leave all the bedroom lights blazing, despite going through the routine the night before.

They both react very badly to us saying 'please don't do that', and again get really defensive and emotional. I am not precious about people looking after my kids, they have been looked after by many other friends and family.

My partner and I are united in this, we love and respect my PIL but cannot trust them with our kids which we both feel is a sad fact. They are both getting more scatty and defensive which annoys me so much.

How can I stop getting annoyed at the lying, defensive attitude and how can we deflect the questions about 'why do they get on better with your parents?'

Sorry this is so long but I didn't want to drip feed.

SandyY2K Fri 30-Dec-16 19:58:15

You can't do anything about their lying, so ignore it.

Don't leave your kids with them and avoid the stress of worrying if they are getting along with the kids.

My DCs were never babysat by my PILS. Due to their age and distance. .. and quite honestly I wouldn't have been comfortable with it.

Either ignore the question about why they get on with your parents or respond that your parents have a different style or that children have their own minds and you can't answer the question.

Be polite, avoid spending too much time with them and let the lies go over your head.

PeachMelba78 Fri 30-Dec-16 20:33:18

Thanks for your advice. I need to learn to let the silly lies wash over me then.

I don't think I am the easiest but I try to make sure they are well looked after when they stay, I get them to relax whilst we cook dinner etc.

I will try!

PeachMelba78 Sat 31-Dec-16 08:05:38

Any other advice?

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