I know nothing I say about the past will make my 'now' better and I know I should let the past go, but its with me all the time. in my parenting of my own kids and attitude to life and mental health. my past wakes up with me every day.
my mum was/ is cold, unloving, my dad was part time when it suited and priorities were right. I actually did enjoy every second with him though.
wasn't close to either sisters, brother and I were always together but I moved out when I was 18 and we drifted apart.
my dads side of the family has never accepted me and my mum disowned most of her side. my nan (mums mum) told my mum she didn't like me. my mum actually called me to tell me! why would you do that? what you don't know don't hurt and all that. I don't even know what id done? we hardly ever saw her, why just me? not my sis or brother??
I had my first ds young, just 19. to be honest I had ds1 to show my mum how to raise kids and partly to piss her of that ive left home and do what I want.
karma came right back at me because it backfired and Im bringing them up exactly the same! I have no love in me, no emotions, I don't enjoy being a parent. it might be the mental health side not letting me. which I think is hereditary, mums relationship with her mum was the same with same upbringing.
I feel so alone, I cant see a happy future. feels like I cant offer nothing to the dc's. on dds birthday in the summer she opened her presents and 'said ''is any one else coming?'' I told her no its just us. I broke down in tears in my room. its the same with ds's birthday, Christmas.
when dd is invited to school parties there is a house full of family and friends. I have nothing to give, I cant even smile. wish I never had children because then it would only be me lonely and wouldn't have to see the kids so alone.
with my mind health I cant handle lots of people and I struggle with the kids, so when they ask friends to come over more often than not I say no! which I know is wrong. as im crying about them being alone!
my head is so tired, don't even expect anything from this post I just have no one to talk to.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
anyone else destroyed by unloving parents/childhood?
happyfrown · 30/12/2016 19:03
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