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I know what I want to do, but don't know how to do it.

(3 Posts)
cryingalone Fri 30-Dec-16 15:25:40

I've been married 8 years, 2 young children.

Have been trying for a long time to salvage marriage after his affair. Things have never been the same since, obviously. I don't trust him, always think he's up to no good, and he understands why.

Sex life is zero, mainly because my self esteem is non-existent and he told OW that I was shit in bed so now that's how I feel. He slaughtered my personality and every aspect about me (I saw all the correspondence between them). If anyone else had read what was said about me they would have thought I was the biggest bitch / worst most selfish, horrid person alive.

I know I should have left him then, but I'm an idiot and hindsight is a wonderful thing.... I think my self esteem is so low that I thought no one would ever want me again.

I have very few friends & find it difficult to make new ones. My self esteem is rock bottom, I hate my (well paid) job. Literally the only thing I live for is my children. If it wasn't for them I don't know what I would do.

I have no money to my name (don't flame me for this. I have had 2 back to back maternity leaves, a large mortgage, so saving has been impossible as I was on basic SMP)

Today he called me something really horrible in front of the children and I've spent most of the afternoon crying.

I want him to leave / agree on a split, but my salary, although good will not pay mortgage, and childcare for 2 children. I cannot afford a solicitor. I cannot afford to rent in the meantime.

What do I need to do now ?? I cannot think straight in how to proceed now. House is in joint names.

Thanks

OFFFS Fri 30-Dec-16 15:53:57

Cryingalone, I couldn't read and run.

Your OP touched a nerve with me, as not too dissimilar to my situation of two years ago.

I had no money, XH had a big income but wouldn't share in a joint account. Young DCs, all close in age. Hefty mortgage, in both our names. I worked part time. He had affairs. I should have walked 5 years ago but didn't. Eventually I realised if I didn't get out I would lose me entirely. I was a SAHM an had a pt job towards the end.

Just two years on I am now financially independent, with savings. The DCs and I stayed in the family home, he still pays the mortgage.

It is entirely possible.

Entitledto.com will tell you what benefits you can claim. The gov.uk website has the child maintenance calculator: although this is a guide and the deal I negotiated gave the DCs considerably more.

We used mediation and I had a good divorce solicitor. XH paid the divorce expenses.

Mediation worked focused us and helped hammer out the financial court order. The DCs and I stayed in te house, I will receive 70% of the value upon selling when youngest DC reaches 21, and I have a share of his pension.

Every situation is different, but it isn't without hope.

gallicgirl Fri 30-Dec-16 15:56:18

entitledto.com

Please don't stay in such an unhappy situation because of money. There is always a way.

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