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I know what I want to do, but don't know how to do it.

(3 Posts)
cryingalone Fri 30-Dec-16 15:25:40

I've been married 8 years, 2 young children.

Have been trying for a long time to salvage marriage after his affair. Things have never been the same since, obviously. I don't trust him, always think he's up to no good, and he understands why.

Sex life is zero, mainly because my self esteem is non-existent and he told OW that I was shit in bed so now that's how I feel. He slaughtered my personality and every aspect about me (I saw all the correspondence between them). If anyone else had read what was said about me they would have thought I was the biggest bitch / worst most selfish, horrid person alive.

I know I should have left him then, but I'm an idiot and hindsight is a wonderful thing.... I think my self esteem is so low that I thought no one would ever want me again.

I have very few friends & find it difficult to make new ones. My self esteem is rock bottom, I hate my (well paid) job. Literally the only thing I live for is my children. If it wasn't for them I don't know what I would do.

I have no money to my name (don't flame me for this. I have had 2 back to back maternity leaves, a large mortgage, so saving has been impossible as I was on basic SMP)

Today he called me something really horrible in front of the children and I've spent most of the afternoon crying.

I want him to leave / agree on a split, but my salary, although good will not pay mortgage, and childcare for 2 children. I cannot afford a solicitor. I cannot afford to rent in the meantime.

What do I need to do now ?? I cannot think straight in how to proceed now. House is in joint names.


OFFFS Fri 30-Dec-16 15:53:57

Cryingalone, I couldn't read and run.

Your OP touched a nerve with me, as not too dissimilar to my situation of two years ago.

I had no money, XH had a big income but wouldn't share in a joint account. Young DCs, all close in age. Hefty mortgage, in both our names. I worked part time. He had affairs. I should have walked 5 years ago but didn't. Eventually I realised if I didn't get out I would lose me entirely. I was a SAHM an had a pt job towards the end.

Just two years on I am now financially independent, with savings. The DCs and I stayed in the family home, he still pays the mortgage.

It is entirely possible. will tell you what benefits you can claim. The website has the child maintenance calculator: although this is a guide and the deal I negotiated gave the DCs considerably more.

We used mediation and I had a good divorce solicitor. XH paid the divorce expenses.

Mediation worked focused us and helped hammer out the financial court order. The DCs and I stayed in te house, I will receive 70% of the value upon selling when youngest DC reaches 21, and I have a share of his pension.

Every situation is different, but it isn't without hope.

gallicgirl Fri 30-Dec-16 15:56:18

Please don't stay in such an unhappy situation because of money. There is always a way.

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