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Would this annoy you?

(30 Posts)
user1483104950 Fri 30-Dec-16 13:45:02

So been engaged since august, no wedding plans as yet as trying to save some money first. The way he proposed was lovely.

But my partner still keeps referring me to me as his girlfriend, not fiance. At first it didn't really bother me but now it is. For Christmas I got him a card saying fiancé. He got me one saying girlfriend. And inside 'thank you for being my wonderful girlfriend' I was pretty hurt. Why the hell am I wearing this ring on my finger? I've asked him about it and he just says it's a slip of the tongue and he doesn't really think.

He does say how he can't wait for us to get married but as we are saving first and we aren't planning it, we haven't even spoken about plans.

Am I overthinking here? I just don't want to see us as engaged if he isn't in the same place as I am. I was so excited when he proposed but now that's sort of gone as he doesn't seem to think of me as his wife to be......

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Fri 30-Dec-16 13:48:09

No, I couldn't care less.

If he didn't want to marry you he wouldn't have asked.

And some people find 'fiance' a bit weird and smug. Not saying it is, just I've met people who think that.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Fri 30-Dec-16 13:50:19

It probably would tbh, but I accept I'm more easily annoyed than a lot of people. Could it be that he struggles with the fact that it maybe considered a 'fancy/poncy' word, being french(?) This is obviously not the case if he says things like 'bon mot' <insert other similar phrase here>.

OohhThatsMe Fri 30-Dec-16 13:51:19

I don't think most blokes would use that word, OP. It doesn't mean anything if he doesn't use it.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Fri 30-Dec-16 13:51:31

I think I am saying something to Joffrey.

oldlaundbooth Fri 30-Dec-16 13:52:42

Yup, fiancé is a bit smug indeedy.

Ilovecaindingle Fri 30-Dec-16 13:52:48

Make yourself a big Fiancee badge and wear it?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Fri 30-Dec-16 13:52:58

In which case, would he be more comfortable saying something else, that kept you both happy. Partner, or 'intended' scrap that, that's really showing my age.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Fri 30-Dec-16 13:53:17

Oooo, what are you saying to me? I'm no good at reading between the lines. I need things spelt out.

Are you agreeing with me? Or calling me a douche?

I don't mind either way. I respect your opinion.

LockedOutOfMN Fri 30-Dec-16 13:54:52

I loathe the words fiancée and fiancé and have rarely heard anyone below my grandparents' age use them. Certainly, my husband would never use either term despite acknowledging that someone is engaged to their partner.

If you want your fiancé to call you his fiancée and it's important to you then let him know and give him little reminders where needed.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Fri 30-Dec-16 13:55:18

I still call my fiancé my boyfriend. We got engaged 2 months ago. Agree with the potentially smug thing, but also it's a habit of several years to break!

KoolKoala07 Fri 30-Dec-16 13:55:39

When me and my now husband got engaged I still referred to him as boyfriend. I felt a bit cringe calling him fiancé. However we did get each other fiancée/ fiancé cards for birthday and xmas. We were only engaged for a year before marriage so I wanted one fiancée card, even though I was a fiancée for a short time.
I'm sure he means nothing by it. I've only been married 3 months and still call my husband boyfriend by mistake.

Deadsouls Fri 30-Dec-16 13:56:12

Well have you told him how you feel?

buckeejit Fri 30-Dec-16 13:56:27

I find fiancé weirdly smug but doesn't really bother me if folk use it or not.

I've been married for. 5 years & sometimes forget & call dh my boyfriend. Always found partner a bit odd too!

user1483104950 Fri 30-Dec-16 13:57:13

Yep I probably am being abit daft here....it's just a massive deal to me that's all.......the whole getting marrried thing lol. I'm not nessarily bothered that he doesn't call me it....it's just why doesn't he call me it I suppose. I start to worry he's regretted asking or that he's asked and then that's that if you get me. But yeah I can see how it's not really a big deal x

AyeAmarok Fri 30-Dec-16 13:57:58

I still call my husband my boyfriend relatively frequently. We've been married 5 years.

It just slips out.

Means nowt.

Littleballerina Fri 30-Dec-16 13:58:43

I say boyfriend. I'd like to say fiancé but it doesn't come out easily.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN Fri 30-Dec-16 13:59:10

But my partner still keeps referring me to me as his girlfriend, not fiance

Oh the irony.

AyeAmarok Fri 30-Dec-16 13:59:47

I NEVER used fiancé. I found it a bit forced, twee and desperate sounding.

Maybe it's just that it doesn't sound natural.

user1483104950 Fri 30-Dec-16 13:59:56

Ok I can defo see I am over reacting here then lol. Thanks for the replies. It's his bday next week.....may get him a boyfriend card just for a laugh lol x

LikeaSnowflake Fri 30-Dec-16 14:02:48

He won't be thinking about it in the way you are. Took about a year of being married to my husband before he got into the habit Rolf calling me his wife...he still said girlfriend! They just don't focus on small details like that!

LikeaSnowflake Fri 30-Dec-16 14:03:21

Of obviously l... not Rolf confused

Bluntness100 Fri 30-Dec-16 14:09:47

i don't think people really say fiancé in real life do they? I'm unsure what "thinking of someone as your wife to be "entails in your view?

The issue is deeper I think, you're clearly unsure if he wants to marry you, so some insecurity there you need to address as he seems to be trying to placate you there and it's still not enough.

Tumtitum Fri 30-Dec-16 14:12:01

My husband still sometimes calls me his girlfriend, married nearly two years! grin

user1483104950 Fri 30-Dec-16 14:20:16

You are right Bluntness - I am a very insecure person due to my past unfortunately. I think I'm constantly going to get hurt. I've been on the waiting list for cbt for a while now

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