Another MIL one

[Doublemint]

Need some perspective. Will have to be brief as MIL is here now.

Background: she did Santa sacks last year and got confused saying they were from FC then saying look what I got you.

This plus the fact that DH and me want to "do the FC thing" led to us asking her about 5 times in the run up to please wrap the presents she gives so the kids learn to say thank you to GM etc. We were clear and tactful (I thought).

I also told her what we were getting dds for their main present. She bought dd1 what we were going to get her in November. I was upset but let it go. I told her that we were planning on getting dd1 that toy, and also repeated what we were getting dd2.

Fast forward to today and she's brought round two massive Santa sacks with unwrapped presents. She did say "they are from ME not FC" as soon as she came in with them.

Final nail in the coffin for me today was when we were telling her about why FC had brought and I couldn't find dd2s main present that I have told her about. She says to me "don't worry as I think she may have another one coming".

So she's deliberately duplicated both dds main FC presents. She also has bought the same toy again for dd1 as the first one she got her broke.

Just need some perspective and calming down. Suggestions on what the fuck to do also appreciate!

[happypoobum]

Can you explain, do you mean MIL has deliberately "lost" DD2 present that she knew you were getting her, and has bought the same gift?

She actually bought both the main gifts you told her you were buying for your DC?

What does DH say?

[Doublemint]

No dd2s present from FCis somewhere in the chaos of our house. When I couldn't find it MIL told me she has bought dd2 the same thing anyway. It's not permanently lost I just couldn't find it that moment.

Yes she actually bought both duplicates of the main presents we told her FC was bringing our dds.

And got them about 3x the amount of presents FC got them in the form of Santa sacks.

[Doublemint]

We don't have much money so got them one main present each (the duplicated ones) and a stocking each with stocking filler type things in.

It feels like she is competing with me or something. I'm actually really upset and I know it's probably ridiculous but she KNEW what we were getting them and that we wanted to do the FC thing.

[Doublemint]

Haven't had a chance to talk to DH but he gave me a look when he realised

[Dottie39]

Oh dear MIL, DD already got one from FC! Hope you can exchange it.

[RandomMess]

Leave it to DH to chat with her again.

Duplicate gifts - "keep them at your house for when the DC visit?"

[Catinthecorner]

In your shoes I would let MIL know now to find somewhere else to go for Christmas next year. Not a chance she'd be invited to spend the holidays at mine after two years of that behaviour.

[Doublemint]

Well DH has just referred to GM as mum twice. Great.

She also has a TRIPLICATE of DD1s present at her house for some reason.

Just about to open dd2s sack as she was napping. I've come outside for a fag and a cry.

[Doublemint]

Sorry he referred to GM as "mummy".

As in "this is from mummy's friend"

It was from GM/MIL friend.

[Doublemint]

Is it too early for ?

[fallenempires]

Sounds bloody awful,my DM has pulled similar stunts over the years.She sounds overbearing and controlling.
Time for your DH to have a word or several!

[Doublemint]

All he keeps saying is "what do you want me to do". As in he has no idea either!

[Finola1step]

In future, do not under any circumstances tell your MIL what you are buying your dds for Christmas and birthdays. If she asks, fob her off. Or be really sneaky and tell her something that you have no intention of buying.

[Doublemint]

That's what I've just told DH finola. he agrees.

She's gone now and I've calmed down. I don't want next year to be like this!

Also although we all agreed just presents for the children this year she's bought us about £50 of stuff. SIL also said she's done MIL a Santa sack.

I took them all at their word and haven't got the adults presents. Shit!!!!

[MagicChanges]

She sounds a bit unhinged - and I'm a MIL - would never do anything so stupid. What's it all about - is she well off and trying to show that she can afford things that you can't or what. I buy my DGD a fair few presents (she's teenage) and I always ask that she doesn't open them in front of other GM as she can't afford very much. And she's appearing with a sack of unwrapped presents several days after christmas - presumably because she was told you and DH wanted to do the "Santa stuff" - well at least she took that in. But duplicating presents - crazy and it does sound like she's in some sort of competition with you.

Maybe DH got confused - meaning you when he said "mummy" - he surely doesn't call his mother that at his age! And SIL did MIL a Santa sack - FFS - is she 6 or what!!

Don't stress over not giving presents - it sounds like there was a sensible agreement and if others want to break it that's up to them and why buy things for people when you're struggling yourself money wise. I think this whole bloody c'mas card/gift thing has got way out of control - people going into debt to buy things for people they don't really want/need. I didn't send any C'mas cards and we only buy for GC but I bought 10 Christmas cakes from Aldi for the foodbank. Much more use than cardds and stamps and boxes of soap etc.

[ChishandFips33]

I wouldn't worry about the not buying presents - I have made peace with this this year and told myself that was their choice and they didn't give to receive

Wrt the duplications, yes to telling her something different next year and aim to put a limit on quantity...or ask GM to put the money in an account to accumulate toward driving lessons or something for when they are older?

I would hate the fact that you've set (or tried to!) traditions and that she's trampling over them

[Doublemint]

Thanks for the advice / reassurance magic and chish.

Yes she is very well off, I don't begrudge her spending her money on her GCs, but a little more thought about how she does it wouldn't go amiss!

DH has apologised for accidentally calling MIL "mummy" when talking to the DDs. He says he just got confused! He doesn't call her mummy normally don't worry.

I've opened some and I'm thinking of subtle PA presents for next year.

[Doublemint]

I might just get them socks and a tin of biscuits.

Unless anyone else can think of the ultimate PA/ minimalist Xmas gift?

P.s we are celebrating Christmas late this year due to DH work commitments

[Finola1step]

Next year, slippers for MIL. Sensible slippers from M&S, nothing flit floppy. Ideally velvet or floral patterned or both. The type that are designed to more like a slip on shoe to limit trips and falls in the elderly.

[Doublemint]

The more I think about it the more I think magic might be right. She knows we are struggling financially but is also desperate to be loved by the gcs. She's always been a bit odd with coming over- even before we were married she would bring two carrier bags full of "treats" for DH. A while ago I realised it's how she shows love.

Which in my opinion makes buying my dds the same present FC bought plus lots of similar sized ones even weirder!!!

[Doublemint]

Also loving the slippers idea finola. Maybe also a festive jumper that can only be worn one week of the year

[Lunde]

Plus some talc, bath cubes and foot cream for MIL