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Handholding

(14 Posts)
thisissobad Fri 30-Dec-16 10:34:57

Maybe I just need a head wobble, I know I sound like a paranoid freak.

About 3 months ago, DH got signed off of work sick, he had only been there about 5 months.

He has since gone to numerous doctor's appointments. plus several hospital appointments. Last month, as was expected, his pay was half the size it normally is. His work had put him on SSP, which we were aware of and had planned for.

He was due to be paid yesterday, but nothing arrived. He tried phoning yesterday and was told the person who dealt with payroll isn't in. Nothing was in his bank account this morning, so he phoned and was on hold (to be expected with his job tbh)

He has now had to go in, to try and resolve this. He insists he has had no communication, since he took in his sick note last (20th December) or really previous to that.

I am really worried that, infact he has been fired. My knowledge on HR laws is about 6 years old, so I am not sure if they can just do that, without sending some type of communication, or doing a disciplinary.

I am also really worried that, he has been told, gone through it, been fired and not told me. If that is so, he has really stuffed up our finances for the very least this month and we were struggling already, even before the SSP kicked in. I could of understood his work, getting rid of him, 5 months in then 3 months off. But not to tell me, is what I am worried about. Adding to that, then not doing anything like claiming JSA, or maybe even ESA (not sure if that would be possible)

The new medication seems to be working and he has been chatting about looking forward to going back. But he also had form for shoving his head in the sand and hoping it all goes away.

I have massive anxiety issues, which I am aware is probably what is causing these thoughts.

I am just not sure what to think and can't do anything until he lets me know I am also assuming he should still be on SSP, since he has been in continues employment, although the fact he has changed jobs might have something to do with it.

Basically I am so confused and my own brain isn't helping.

RJnomore1 Fri 30-Dec-16 10:41:08

Ok at five months in a job he can be fired for any reason with no comeback unless there is some form of discrimination (which is difficult and expensive to prove) so he may have been and I think you should brace yourself for that.

The bigger problem though it may not feel bigger right now - do you really think he may know and have chosen not to tell you? Why? Does he have form for lying? Or is it more just pretending things aren't happening/not dealing with things?

First you need to find out what has happened and what benefits you can claim, then you need to talk him I guess and take it from there.

I'm so sorry you are going through all this stress.

thisissobad Fri 30-Dec-16 10:51:50

Thank you RJnomore1 I assume they would have to tell him?

He just has form with pretending things are not happening. I don't think he would lie to me, but that is something I might have to deal with. He just seems to think a magic solution will be right round the corner.

My main issue is if he had been fired, it would of been at least 4 weeks ago (that would mean he would get nothing this payday) Which is what I would find more annoying, we could of dealt with it there and then, Doing the benefit things, looking to see whether he could work (he has been in so much pain at the moment, it wouldn't of been till after these new tablets kicked in)

Thank you so much for your reply.

RJnomore1 Fri 30-Dec-16 10:56:00

I would assume they would notify him yes but small companies don't always with the way they should.

There would be no need for a disciplinary though

thisissobad Fri 30-Dec-16 11:00:44

Its a massive well known company, which is why I assumed they would send a letter, even a facebook message, although not sure how legal that is

thisissobad Fri 30-Dec-16 22:08:31

He has gotten back and yes he was fired back at the start of December, hi company are claiming that they sent him letters, he is saying he didn't receive it.

I just don't know where to go from here. He took his sick note in the 20th December, he is saying he didn't see a manager, just left the note with the customer service desk. Surely that would of flagged up something to someone.

The problem, now is if this is all bullshit, he is not burying his head in the sand, he is lying to me. I am not sure whether to call him out on it and trust my gut, which at the best of time is unreliable or trust him that there has been one massive cock up after another.

It is so implausable but it could well be true. He is saying his file is now at head office. But I am sure, stores (he is retail) keeps them in the actual store.

The whole thing just makes me feel sick, I am going to have to figure a way to pay bills and things. And I think that is what is getting to me, if he was lying, he could of sorted it out, done something sorted something, so we wouldn't be in this position financially now.

EweAreHere Fri 30-Dec-16 22:19:14

It sounds like he's lying to you, OP. Sorry. But who leaves an important piece of medical documentation at the customer service desk under these circumstances. He would have had a discussion. My guess is he didn't actually go in, just said he did.

You need to sit him down and quietly tell him you're not going to shout or blame, but you need to know the truth so you can figure out where to go from here. Your family is depending upon you sorting this out. And he has to be honest for this to work.

thisissobad Fri 30-Dec-16 22:29:10

Thanks Ewe yes that is what it sounds like but I could also see him doing just that.

I think the thing is, maybe one or two little things could happen, but when you put it altogether it sounds like one massive lie.

I just know if I don't say anything, then it will fester and I don't want to live like that at all. I have given him a chance to come out and say something on a few occassions today, for example asking him about the sick note, but not actually come out with I need to know, so we can figure this out.

Costacoffeeplease Fri 30-Dec-16 22:34:10

You're going to have to get to the truth, one way or the other, to be able to start claiming and benefits you are entitled to

thisissobad Fri 30-Dec-16 22:48:09

Not really, costa either way he has been fired, so he would be entitled to JSA.

The benefits only really come into it, because, if he did know at the start of December he could of started claiming then, not leaving us up shit street now.

That is my issue, he had been signed off work till the 20th January (I saw the note) but if he knew he wasn't going to be getting any SSP, then he should of realised we would of been down the money. The guy is not a complete idiot.

While its not any better, even if he hadn't told me, started claiming, I probably wouldn't of realised as it would of gone in his bank account.

My issue is, that he may have lied, and done fuck all to do anything.

If I say he did know he had a few options available to him
1. He could of told me (this would of been the best option) and then we could of done something about it
2. He could of not told me, started claiming JSA and left it till around the 10th Jan, when I would of started banging on about him starting work. So he would of had to say something
3. Known he had been fired and done fuck all, knowing we have bills and things to pay on his payday and leaving us shit creek with fuck all money (but thankfully food)

While 2 isn't great and it would of caused a massive row about lying or "omitting facts" at least he would of done something.

If he honestly didn't know and having had a quick check into somethings he should of been on the phone first thing to ACAS to ask if there was anything he could do.

RJnomore1 Fri 30-Dec-16 22:55:52

Why do you not trust your gut instincts? What makes you think they have been off in the past?

thisissobad Fri 30-Dec-16 23:03:53

I think because of my anxiety is why I don't trust it. For example, oh no friends are not talking to me what have I done to upset them.

Also the obvious, I don't want to believe he lied to me, however, I have to be open to that possibility, as it could rock or even end the relationship.

While I don't like that outcome, I would also have to think if he lied to me about something like this, what else might have he lied about? And I think something like that would just eat me up too much.

RJnomore1 Fri 30-Dec-16 23:42:34

Ok I see, I was just checking if he's done things to make you doubt yourself in the past but that makes sense.

I don't know how you would ever prove either way if he got that letter. Can you live with that?

thisissobad Fri 30-Dec-16 23:50:19

No, we have had our ups and downs, but nothing that would say he has lied to me well, apart from eating my crisps and farting and blaming it on the dog.

He has been very supportive and it has been a shit year and him losing his job is the icing on the cake for all of it. Although we both sort of expected it, but once we hadn't heard anything, I think we both sort of relaxed.

I think if there is no way to prove it, then it comes down to trust and I do trust him. Part of me thinks, there is just way to much coincidences and the other part of me is thinking, we both talked about the fact that he may lose his job, especially as it was just before Christmas, so it just feels like a really really stupid lie.

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