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Would you forgive your child if they committed a sexual assault?

(23 Posts)
NCingForever Thu 29-Dec-16 16:59:50

At the age of 14.

Veggiesupremeextracheese Thu 29-Dec-16 17:00:35

I would need more details before being able to answer flowers

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Thu 29-Dec-16 17:01:28

I'd probably want to know more about it than their age before I decided how to respond.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Thu 29-Dec-16 17:02:18

I think mosts mothers would forgive their children anything. It's how we're wired.

I'd be upset, shocked, disappointed. But I'd never stop loving them and I think with love comes forgiveness.

wowbutter Thu 29-Dec-16 17:04:08

Yes, they are still a child themselves. But, depending on what it was would colour my view of them for life. And I would wonder what went so wrong for them.
If it was that they slept with another fourteen year old, not an issue.

minifingerz Thu 29-Dec-16 17:06:08

I love all my children unconditionally.

I will continue to love all my children unconditionally.

Ilovecaindingle Thu 29-Dec-16 17:07:58

Without giving any details as too traumatic I have been there. . Unfortunately he went into care until he was 18 and we had no contact - his choice. Words can't describe the pain our family went through. He is 21 next month and I still love him tho he isn't considered a part of our family. Would have been easier to cope if he had died and I could have grieved instead of the pain I do have.

NCingForever Thu 29-Dec-16 17:09:49

He came to me, told me and asked for help. He got help, with my full support and is now back at home, still receiving support, but I do struggle to look at him the same. I was just wondering.

NotTheFordType Thu 29-Dec-16 17:10:12

I agree it would depend on circumstances.

Hypothetically I'd say that I will always love my son, but not his behaviour. (He has been in trouble before but nothing that's hurt another human directly.) I have always told him, "I will always love you, but I can't always condone your choices, and what you have done is wrong."

I think if the person he assaulted was another of your children, it would make it very very complicated to navigate, but that is possibly one of the very few scenarios which would kill my love for him.

DanGleballs Thu 29-Dec-16 17:10:36

Ilovecaindingle can I pm you please?

Amandahugandkisses Thu 29-Dec-16 17:11:19

It depends on the nature and details of the crime.
But you don't stop loving them do you. You can hate what they do.

NotTheFordType Thu 29-Dec-16 17:12:26

X-posted with you. The fact that he came to you and asked for help is a really promising sign. He has done something awful and that will always be there now, but that's part of unconditional love, I think - the ability to still love them as your child, but without in any way condoning what they've done.

Are you getting any support yourself?

WhisperingLoudly Thu 29-Dec-16 17:13:34

I think you always love your DC even if you decide that you can't be part of their lives.

Whether I could forgive would be very dependent on the circumstances of the assault and how they behaved subsequently

Fallonjamie Thu 29-Dec-16 17:24:02

You can not forgive the act while still loving and supporting the person. But it depends on many factors.

Ilovecaindingle Thu 29-Dec-16 21:17:11

DanGleballs that's fine.

MySqueeHasBeenSeverelyHarshed Thu 29-Dec-16 21:51:52

Frankly, no. That would kill off the love I have for that person, regardless of who they are.

alltouchedout Thu 29-Dec-16 21:54:11

An assault on someone else is not for me to forgive.
I'd be extremely angry and ashamed. I'd still love them. Liking them might be another matter.

Believeitornot Thu 29-Dec-16 21:54:30

I don't know to be honest. I tell my dcs that I will love them no matter what they do and believe that to be true.

As for forgiveness? I'd probably blame myself as much as anything.

Hope you're ok OP

crazydoglady6867 Thu 29-Dec-16 21:58:13

It would all depend on the full story, but I would always love my boy even if I couldn't forgive him. He is more than just this misdemeanour do try and love the person but hate the action. This always helps me when trying to forgive people, if he were to do bad things on a constant basis I would have to question whether he is worthy of my love and attention.

Agiraffeisnotacat Thu 29-Dec-16 23:18:15

I don't know to be honest. I guess it'd depend on what had actually gone on and what help he had accessed. It would be very difficult to know until you're in the situation.

EagleIsland Thu 29-Dec-16 23:24:11

Would all depend on the story. Something getting out of hand, is completely different to a pre planned attack.

Reality16 Thu 29-Dec-16 23:25:38

Context is vital here

SimonLeBonOnAndOn Thu 29-Dec-16 23:29:43

I think it would depend on the circumstances.
Id love him regardless, but aybe not in the same way as before.

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