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Staying away from narcissist, please give me support

(7 Posts)
user1481840227 Thu 29-Dec-16 15:56:55

I need to stay away from my my ex who I think is a narcissist.
I'm so fed up of his games and him using charm to win me back.

I'm determined to stay away this time but need support from someone and I don't have many people to talk to about this IRL.

FatalKittehCharms Thu 29-Dec-16 16:41:45

Delete his number and all pictures

Block on FB

Deactivate your profile if the temptation to stalk is irresistible

Throw/give away gifts/other items that remind him of you

Confide in a trusted friend, don't bottle things up

Use cognitive behaviour techniques to stop thinking about him:
- allow yourself to think about him for 10 mins each day but after that, when you think of him, get up and start doing something, go for a walk, cook, clean etc
- when he enters your thoughts, imagine yourself putting those thoughts in a frame and watch that thought drift away

user1481840227 Thu 29-Dec-16 19:53:44

Thank you,
I have blocked all forms of communication and deleted his number. I've thrown out the things that remind me of him, the only thing i've kept are the messages from him and they are probably the thing I need to get rid of most of all. I know I have to do it soon.

I will try some cognitive therapy techniques.

Streuth Thu 29-Dec-16 20:50:26

Maybe wait a short while, then change your number. Though I did it straight away. Agree with Fattal block as many avenues of communication or access he has. Remind yourself of the creepy and nasty things he did and how determined he was to make you something less than something he trod on in the street. I don't know that you have to "confide" in anyone - most people don't understand narcissism, and just think its people being a bit self-centred (though I have noticed a growing 'conversational narcissism' around me generally). All you have to do is make a clear decisions and stick to it. In a year's time you may find once or twice he may cross your thoughts (usually when other people are talking about narcissism or behaving narcissistically!). But thats about all it will amount to. I also recommend the book "People of the Lie", a great read on narcissism.

user1481840227 Fri 30-Dec-16 01:09:32

Thank you Streuth

That's exactly what i've been doing lately, reminding myself of all the nasty things, before I would have let that kind of thing make me feel so bad about myself so when he was kind to me that would make me feel good and i'd need him to make me feel better but lately i've been able to look at the things he has done and said and say to myself no that's just his game to keep you where he wants you, it wasn't me.

I think that's a major step for me, I just need to stay strong, I don't want to slip back into old habits.

jeaux90 Fri 30-Dec-16 09:26:52

Total no contact and delete his messages.

Narcs are hollow shells of beings with no empathy or sense of consequence.

Remember that. I mean who wants to be with someone like that.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 30-Dec-16 12:09:11

It is difficult. But now you know the dynamic, the truth of the circumstances. The charm offensive is a seduction to manipulate you for whatever purpose to meet his needs, and his alone. You are invisible and nothing more than a prop to him. This degrades you, minimizes, belittles, diminishes, invalidates you...and completely disrespects you. < All of that is a tsunami of psychological abuse. That is why you must emotionally detach, physically detach, spiritually detach completely: to save yourself-to save your soul.

To not detach completely will make it impossible to recover from the damage already done. While you are still exposed to, or immersed in, the insult, you best hope is to merely survive. You must be out and away from it completely (and maintain sustained relief) to have any hope of thriving in your own life -independent, individual existence-again. It is not mentally healthy for you to be around him.

The attention can be sort of intoxicating in a way, so perhaps approach it from the angle of recovering from an addiction. To be healthy, you simply can not be around him.

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