I am currently single. I've been on a couple of dates with someone over the past few weeks. Christmas has got in the way at bit, but we have had daily Good morning/good night and the odd check in through the day type texts. And a couple of 'virtual dates'. I will be seeing him again tomorrow.
My issue is this.
I am the one flying the red flags. My question is, when do I tell him?
I know that the advice to people who ask this is always to tell as much as you want them to know. But I don't really have a choice. One of the issues is that I have AS and this is the first man I've dated since I received my diagnosis. I know that the AS has got in the way of relationships before. Now I know what it is, I can manage it better and talk myself down and use other strategies, but if a man knew, they could avoid triggering it. IYSWIM.
The other thing is that I grew up in a really dysfunctional family. My upbringing was emotionally and physically abusive. I know it was them, but I can't shift the thought that he deserves to know I'm not quite 'good enough' (I wouldn't say that of course). I am actually NC with my surviving parent because she is a safeguarding risk to my children.
There are hangovers from my upbringing. Most of them I manage, some of them pop up when I least expect it and catch me completely unawares. Coupled with the fact that AS stuff can do that too...
I suppose I feel that I want him to have the option of knowing some of this, probably not really much more than I've said here really, unless he asked for specific details, because if he doesn't want that in his life a) I'd rather we both knew sooner rather than later b) I don't want to become emotionally attached to someone who is going to learn these things in 3+ months time and walk away then c) until I tell someone, I feel like I'm 'lying' to them by omission and I can't lie and it eats away at me.
I'm not ashamed of anything. My upbringing is not my shame and my AS is a part of me.
I just don't know what to do about telling him.
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Relationships
I am waving Red Flags. When do I come clean?
WavingTheRedFlags · 29/12/2016 15:55
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