you still have feelings for them? We divorced 5 years ago after 10 years of trying to make it work. We have 1 DS (11). But we've always still been trapped in this not moving on stage. We both agreed at the time that we are incompatible, mainly we had a communication breakdown since he's not british born - he comes across very harsh/critical but it seems it's just his accent/culture. I always wished I could be more like the women from that culture who simply take it like water off a ducks back and/or are as equally sharp.
Anyway, he's always still wanted me back and I too wanted to be with him if we could find a magic wand and dispell all our previous problems. We both always wanted to have children with the same mum/dad and don't really like the idea of having half children with others but despite several rounds of trying again we couldn't quite make it work and felt it unfair to DS to keep getting his hopes up and letting him down over and over.
Alas, he's finally found the strength to move on - he has a gf who I presume is serious since its the first one he's ever bought DS around and she is there everytime DS goes to visit. DS is pretty shy so he does find it awkward that he isn't just alone with his dad anymore but he's a good polite boy and handles well. I however am not handling this very well.
I guess I knew this time would come and when I'm in a more positive state of mind feel a little relief and that this is for the best. And, other times I feel depressed and upset that he's moved on, I always wanted it to work but for whatever reason we couldn't. I also sometimes can't help compare his life to mine and think he's got the better end of the deal. I would not be without my DS but he gets to live the single life and even start over a new family life if he desires to.
I guess it doesn't help that I let myself go a bit the last few years (too much wine and have a running injury so haven't been able to keep up my fitness as I'd like). I am back at school but even that feels a struggle since I commute 1hr20 each way four days a week. I'm renting and can't see how I will buy a place at least until my studies are over and a get a better job. I'm also 37 and read all these stories about how hard it is for women in late thirties to meet guys. Not that I'm ready to do that anyway, I look and feel like a hot mess.
I made this post a while ago but put it in the wrong section :/ At that time I had not spoke with Ex-H about the situation but we had to make arrangements for xmas and he still thought he was welcome to come to have xmas dinner with me, DS and my family O.o which I felt would be uncomfortable, I had asked that he see DS on boxing day instead. He kept insisting that he come to the point I had to tell him the truth, that it would be too painful to see him in my family house, things have changed etc...
WE ended up having a long face to face conversation where he basically said he was still thinking about coming back to us but he doesn't want what happened before to happen again. I was very honest that I don't know that it would work if we tried again but that I very much wish it would. I don't know if he was looking for more reassurance than that but I don't have that to give anymore than he does. He stuck to the new boxing day agreement and we havent spoken again about the situation. I am presumming that he is continuing his relationship since DS said she was going to be there in the evening as ex-H was having a small party that night.
I've resigned myself to just working on myself and creating a better life for me and DS. Trying to love myself more and work on issues I have that may have been making me more irritable or hard to get along with.
That said, it still all hurts like hell and my mind wonders back to it often.Can anyone offer any words of wisdom or kindness about this?
Sorry tis long and rambling :/
Also, sorry if I'm still called user something... not sure if I know how to change my name :/
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Relationships
How to handle ex-H moving on
16 replies
user1481334936 · 29/12/2016 14:59
OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 ·
30/12/2016 20:51
Im glad you took it on the spirit it was intended - I truly hope you are able to move on, and find the love of your life. Don't give up hope, and don't assume you've already met him and you need to make it work. It shouldn't be that hard. You should always think you are about to meet the love of your life and be as happy and self fulfilled as you can be before that happens. Your ex isn't the love of your life, someone else is 
JennyHolzersGhost ·
30/12/2016 21:10
OP I have nothing to add to what others have said, except that:
- time to start afresh and that's a good thing, think of all the lively possibilities and what you want to be! ;
- you need to draw a line with your ex and you know that I think. Boundaries are going to be important in the next few months, while you readjust. It sounds like you're good at asserting that though so I am sure you will do fine
to you. Keep posting. Lots of help and shouty truth telling available as needed
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