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Boyfriend has contact with ex..would it bother you?

(49 Posts)
user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 13:46:12

We have been an item 3 months yet he looks at her snapchat daily.
I've caught him watching her snapchat story numerous times.
I know I'm a adult and it's only a social media thing but would it bother you?
Why is she still on?
Maybe forgot to delete?

Ellisandra Thu 29-Dec-16 13:53:29

What does "watching he Snapchat story" mean, exactly?
I'm not a Snapchat user.

If my boyfriend had an ex on Facebook and saw her posts not because he actively looked for them, but because he scrolled through all Facebook daily, it wouldn't bother me. But if he was very specifically logging in to look at something she was updating, then I would think he hadn't moved on and wasn't ready to date.

Not enough detail, really. If he reads all his friends Snapchat every day then this doesn't stand out. If he's religiously logging in just to look at her - problem.

Ellisandra Thu 29-Dec-16 13:58:09

Just googled... so a Snapchat story is photo/video upload - same sort of general as Facebook then.
My comments above still stand - it depends how he uses Snapchat / social media generally.
Is he still friends with her?
Does he also look at his other friends on there every day?

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 13:58:09

Basically people post pics on snapchat when you log on you see the names of ppl who have uploaded new snap then you choose which you want to view.
They don't view automatically you have to click on names.
Is it possible it's just boredom? Or curiosity ?

Ellisandra Thu 29-Dec-16 13:58:47

And has does it fit with your thread title about having contact?

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 13:59:26

Yeah he looks at other peoples,I just didn't understand why he would be interested in looking at her pics etc
She's still on his Facebook too but so are his other Exs

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 13:59:51

That was the contact I was meaning..as in him viewing her pics etc

Ellisandra Thu 29-Dec-16 14:01:19

Boredom and/or curiosity for occasional use.
Every day? More like he's not over her.
But again - how does he use it?
I use Facebook and an ex is a friend. So I see his stuff every day (well, I scroll through all Facebook every day - he posts maybe once a week).
I never go to search specifically for him.

UrethaFranklin Thu 29-Dec-16 14:02:58

I wouldn't class that as contact to be honest. He's probably just curious. He looks at other peoples as well, I would be slightly more worried if he was only looking at the ex's.

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 14:04:08

I've caught him 8 days looking in the last two weeks.
He is always on snspchat tho checking for new updates.
It does annoy me but then I think I'm being paranoid.
I just don't get why you would want look at your ex..I don't.

Ellisandra Thu 29-Dec-16 14:08:10

How have you "caught him"?
I've no idea what my boyfriend looks at. Are you generally feeling anxious and on the look out?
What is it about your relationship that stops you from saying "hey, you keeping looking at your ex - that makes me uncomfortable - what gives?"

Littlejayx Thu 29-Dec-16 14:12:40

The thing that would make me uncomfortable would be why he is so interested in her life?

I would just be open and bring it up, better than bottling these things up, they tend to get worse the more you fester!

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 14:15:35

If he is at mine and il go in the kitchen ..he has her story on or one time while I was asleep in bed,woke up and seen him.
I know her as she's local so I know who it is.
I don't wana say anything as he is generally always on social media anyway.

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 14:16:29

But he will of been watching others snap chat too.

OvariesForgotHerPassword Thu 29-Dec-16 14:22:06

My husband still speaks to his ex occasionally, he's friends with her and her family on Facebook. I have no issues with that. If he was watching her snapchat story every day and constantly looking at pics of her I'd have issues, and that's a 6 year relationship and now married.

3 months? I'd cut your losses now.

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 14:26:02

It's just bugging me that he doesn't have to click on her name ..he's choosing too.
If that makes sense ..I know I sound insecure but I don't like it.

Littlejayx Thu 29-Dec-16 14:26:06

It would seriously bother me. Its not like scrolling through facebook seeing a pic, its going out the way to stare at pictures of a woman he used to love/sleep with.

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 14:29:43

Exactly - you don't have to see it
Why doesn't he just block her?
He doesn't need to see her..
I don't want to seem crazy by saying block her

Littlejayx Thu 29-Dec-16 14:32:27

I think you should just bring it up into the conversation.

I know its early days, but on the casual bring up you feel uneasy about it, its not a trust thing, just say its a self esteem thing.

If he takes it well all good. If not hes obviously still attached.

Heirhelp Thu 29-Dec-16 14:42:12

Have you asked him why he does it? Or even mentioned that it makes you uncomfortable?

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 14:42:53

Il see if he is still looking in a few days and ask him about it.
I didn't sleep last night worrying

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 14:43:59

No I haven't asked..he probably will just say just looking or what's the problem I look at everyone's.
The thing is it's not just the odd one,he is checking snapchat a lot so makes me think is he looking for her specifically

Heirhelp Thu 29-Dec-16 14:45:43

I think you need to talk to him about it. If you cant then discuss things in a relationship it does not sound like a good relationship.

user1483018975 Thu 29-Dec-16 15:12:54

Do you think it's anything to worry over?

Littlejayx Thu 29-Dec-16 15:20:31

If he goes on the defensive it would set the alarm bells off straight away!

But you can't go over it in your head over and over, it will build up and you will explode.

If you can't be open in your own relationship, theres the issue.

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