Back story is my aunt from my dad's side sent me a fb message 18 months ago accusing me of putting up pictures of that animal hunter woman, I didn't she did and I replied to it, she said I was cruel with my opinion and that she and her mother (my nan) where big animal lovers, I replied that they can't love animals that much as aunt married someone who used to be a butcher and my nan used to own a fur coat (I was upset and angry) anyway aunt wished me a happy life and deleted and blocked me from Facebook. I did also fall out with her daughter briefly over this as I called my aunt dissalusional, this year her son unexpectedly died and I could not attend his funeral as my son needed me that day. We then invited her to my dad's 70th birthday celebrations and she declined. My cousin surprised her Christmas day and they are all coming down to visit for the day, I have been invited out to the meal but I really don't know how to play it, I know my husband will not say anything at my request but he will be cold towards her as he knows how much she upset me. I have never been in this situation.
You've not covered yourself in glory either with your pointed comments (I understand you were upset). Go to the meal and be as polite as you can possibly be. If you dwell on the past (how awful it was for you) it will be a disaster. If they behave badly DO NOT RISE TO IT. Be the bigger man, let them show themselves up in public. If you become upset/unable to keep quiet then go home. Good luck.
Honestly the message I received came out of no where, I'm not normally a confrontational person. And I don't know how to greet her in person, I will obviously say hello and then leave it up to her to start a conversation but she might go on about this message and I will probably cry and I really want to be in control.
If you want the estrangement to be permanent then decline the invitation. If not, go along; things might be a bit strained but it should be the start of a reconciliation between you all. Regardless of who was at fault, you'll have to behave yourself. If your aunt tries to rehash the argument you can tell her "this isn't the time or the place - let's keep things civil today".
I do hope you acknowledged her son's death in an appropriate way.
Like I said I hate confrontation and awkward situations I'm the type of person to let someone walk all over me, that's why it was out of character for me to reply to my aunt's message, maybe because it was written rather than face to face. I would love to give her a hug but could not stand the rejection of she is just putting up with me being there for the sake of the other family members.
I can't send her a message as I didn't save her number when I changed phones and I'm blocked on Facebook. I may see if my dad's partner will send on a message tho, I don't think I will say something silly as for her to block me out like that it wasn't something silly to her.