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Family gathering, need advice as not spoken in 18 months

(12 Posts)
6demandingchildren Thu 29-Dec-16 10:27:15

Back story is my aunt from my dad's side sent me a fb message 18 months ago accusing me of putting up pictures of that animal hunter woman, I didn't she did and I replied to it, she said I was cruel with my opinion and that she and her mother (my nan) where big animal lovers, I replied that they can't love animals that much as aunt married someone who used to be a butcher and my nan used to own a fur coat (I was upset and angry) anyway aunt wished me a happy life and deleted and blocked me from Facebook. I did also fall out with her daughter briefly over this as I called my aunt dissalusional, this year her son unexpectedly died and I could not attend his funeral as my son needed me that day. We then invited her to my dad's 70th birthday celebrations and she declined.
My cousin surprised her Christmas day and they are all coming down to visit for the day, I have been invited out to the meal but I really don't know how to play it, I know my husband will not say anything at my request but he will be cold towards her as he knows how much she upset me. I have never been in this situation.

Bluntness100 Thu 29-Dec-16 10:31:15

Eh, is there more of a back story, because that's a kind of weird and rather minor thing to fall out about if that's all there is to it. All a bit drama llama for my tastes.

They've extended the olive branch. Go to the meal, you should all be able to laugh about it because it's a bit daft really.

Aoibhe Thu 29-Dec-16 10:32:50

I personally wouldn't go. I think you need to resolve this privately before a family gathering.

fc301 Thu 29-Dec-16 10:37:36

You've not covered yourself in glory either with your pointed comments (I understand you were upset). Go to the meal and be as polite as you can possibly be. If you dwell on the past (how awful it was for you) it will be a disaster.
If they behave badly DO NOT RISE TO IT. Be the bigger man, let them show themselves up in public. If you become upset/unable to keep quiet then go home.
Good luck.

Spam88 Thu 29-Dec-16 10:39:48

What an odd thing to fall out over, sounds like it all got blown a bit out of proportion. Agree totally with fc, go and be polite smile

6demandingchildren Thu 29-Dec-16 10:43:37

Honestly the message I received came out of no where, I'm not normally a confrontational person. And I don't know how to greet her in person, I will obviously say hello and then leave it up to her to start a conversation but she might go on about this message and I will probably cry and I really want to be in control.

Aoibhe Thu 29-Dec-16 10:44:15

Does your aunt know that your cousin (her dd/DS)? has invited you? Did you acknowledge the death of her son - send a card, condolences?

6demandingchildren Thu 29-Dec-16 10:48:32

I am presuming she knows I have been invited, and yes I sent a card and wrote a note in it rather than just signing it, I also sent her a Christmas card.

Optimist1 Thu 29-Dec-16 10:56:37

If you want the estrangement to be permanent then decline the invitation. If not, go along; things might be a bit strained but it should be the start of a reconciliation between you all. Regardless of who was at fault, you'll have to behave yourself. If your aunt tries to rehash the argument you can tell her "this isn't the time or the place - let's keep things civil today".

I do hope you acknowledged her son's death in an appropriate way.

6demandingchildren Thu 29-Dec-16 11:01:54

Like I said I hate confrontation and awkward situations I'm the type of person to let someone walk all over me, that's why it was out of character for me to reply to my aunt's message, maybe because it was written rather than face to face.
I would love to give her a hug but could not stand the rejection of she is just putting up with me being there for the sake of the other family members.

Cricrichan Thu 29-Dec-16 11:53:11

If this was a one off then I'd send her a message. Tell her that it was blown all out of proportion and it's silly to fall out over nothing.

6demandingchildren Thu 29-Dec-16 12:05:06

I can't send her a message as I didn't save her number when I changed phones and I'm blocked on Facebook. I may see if my dad's partner will send on a message tho, I don't think I will say something silly as for her to block me out like that it wasn't something silly to her.

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