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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

New potential bf is a virgin..

25 replies

Mummyof02 · 29/12/2016 06:22

Hi all,

Just abit of background information: I split from my previous partner (father to both my little ones) last year and have gotten to know guys as friends and been on a few dates since than but have not been in a relationship since splitting from my babyfather.

However recently I've been talking to this guy I met online we have good banter and talk a lot and have a lot in common I definitely feel a connection with him but he recently told me he was a virgin he's 23 so I was abit surprised. I'm not sure if i even believe him even though it's not something a guy would usually lie about? I really like this guy but if we were to get in a relationship I don't know how I'd feel about dating a virgin I know it's not a bad thing in the slightest it's just I've never dated/been with a guy who's never had sex and it feels abit odd because we're not exactly teens anymore? How can I Get past this as I don't want to stuff it up with this guy,Help!!

OP posts:

Report

RiceCrispieTreats · 29/12/2016 06:28

Dating a Virginia is no problem as it's the person that matters.

But I find it odd that he's sharing this with you when you're still only chatting on line. Sounds a bit like too much too soon.

Mummyof02 · 29/12/2016 06:48

I guess that's true about it depending on the person thing but he didn't type it in a message we were talking on the phone when he told me it kind of just came out in conversation if you get me? He seems to be a very open kind of person it's one of the qualities I really like about him tbf

OP posts:

SuperManStoleMyPants · 29/12/2016 06:53

I was a virgin at 27 until I met my Dh. It was completely my choice. I hadn't found anyone I wanted to be that close with. I was always up front on dates and the like that I wasn't experienced so people could get one night stands or third night sex out of their minds. Then again I didn't wait until 3 nights with dh .

I think it's good he is being honest and open with you about something which can be rather embarrassing at that age.

ChuckSnowballs · 29/12/2016 06:57

Have you actually met him?

ravenmum · 29/12/2016 07:18

Why would that be a problem? It's not like he's in his 30s or 40s, when you might wonder if he has social anxiety or something. Are you a lot older and feeling awkward about it?

Mummyof02 · 29/12/2016 07:58

@superman I guess that's true when it comes to relationships there is no right or wrong way to do it , it just Depends on the person
@chucksnowballs not yet but we're planning to real soon
@ravenmum I hadn't thought of him maybe having social anxiety that would explain a lot in this case and no I'm younger than him actually I'm 20 but being a mum of two in some ways I'm a lot older than my years if you get me

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 29/12/2016 08:10

Just tread very carefully. Sounds like he could be playing a game to get you into chasing him into bed. Not saying he is but, it's a known tactic that works

Evergreen17 · 29/12/2016 08:29

Well I am from a different country and both me and my ex were 21 when we first had sex (together) and we were NOT the last of my friends.
I had boyfriends before then.

OnionKnight · 29/12/2016 08:34

I was a virgin until my very early twenties by choice so it does happen, my wife was a virgin when I met her through choice as well.

ravenmum · 29/12/2016 08:35

Mentioning it to someone you haven't met is a bit funny, unless it just naturally came up in conversation. In which case fair enough. For me, 23 is still an age when a man just might not have happened to have had sex. Any older and I'd be looking for a reason, though.

As long as you are OK with being younger but more experienced, and don't sleep with him out of pity or to be his "teacher"...

ScarletForYa · 29/12/2016 08:40

If you haven't met him OP, I wouldn't even be thinking about bed yet.

Meet him and get to know the real person, not the online version.

You don't know that he even is Virgin but if he is, some people are virgins through choice but some are also virgins for a very good reason.

ChuckSnowballs · 29/12/2016 09:27

What Scarlet said. Especially the last line. So true.

SapphireBird · 29/12/2016 09:32

He's not that old!

PaperdollCartoon · 29/12/2016 09:36

We are 99% sure one of DPs friends is a virgin, who's 27. He's actually pretty good looking with a great body, but he's really low on confidence and has been unrequitedly in love with a girl with a boyfriend for the last 5 years and spends all his spare time with her instead of out meeting anyone else (yes it's a weird and complicated situation!). He's lovely and we all want him to find someone, it won't happen till he gets over this girl.

Point is yes it's more unusual for someone to be a virgin the older they get, but it doesn't make them weird and there could be many reasons for it. He could be stringing you a line but it seems unlikely as I think more women would run from this than be taken in by it. Sounds like he's just being honest. You're still only just talking so you're a long way off DTD anyway, but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

Helloitsmeee · 29/12/2016 09:41

You might meet him and dislike him on sight! I wouldn't worry at this stage.

I drove past an online date once and my heart sank as I knew in a second he wasn't my type but online he was.

Crumbs1 · 29/12/2016 09:42

What is issue? We always encouraged ours to remain celibate until they were in a committed relationship. Our youngest at 18 was horrified recently when her sister (a doctor) had a contraception reminder conversation relating to boyfriend of 8 weeks. She felt her morals were being callled into question and was clear she and boyfriend were not 'active' and were not ready to be so. There is an awful lot of pressure nowadays to be having sex at earliest opportunity but not all are comfortable with casual sex.

EmpressoftheMundane · 29/12/2016 09:46

23 isn't all that old. I doubt being a virgin into one's early 20s is all that unusual. It's a personal choice, not a race to tick a box.

ChuckSnowballs · 29/12/2016 09:47

Me too Helloitsme. I met one at a gig once and and we were so not compatible. I had to keep hiding behind a pillar as he kept coming back to [try to] chat.

OP don't waste too much time investing in this one before you meet him. i personally think knowing this about someone before you have met them means you are over-involved and thus it is harder when you do meet to walk away as you have already overshared.

Threesoundslikealot · 29/12/2016 09:50

My DH was a virgin till 23 out of shyness with women. Nothing else wrong with him.

I once slept with a 33 year old virgin. There were some issues there.

Cricrichan · 29/12/2016 09:58

Dh was a virgin until 21, as was I. Me by choice, him, a mixture of lack of confidence/opportunity!

My bf who I lost my virginity to was 19.

I've no idea about other men but I'm sure there are lots who haven't had the confidence or opportunity until around early twenties.

carabos · 29/12/2016 10:05

DS2 was a virgin until he was 22. No reason other than he didn't get into a relationship with anyone he wanted to have sex with until then. DS1 was 19. It's not a badge of honour to lose your virginity . Meh.

ManonLescaut · 29/12/2016 10:11

A male friend of mine was a virgin until he was 23. Nothing wrong with him - clever, well educated, 6 ft 2", just shy with women. He sure as hell has made up for it now.

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YetAnotherUser · 29/12/2016 11:15

I know plenty of people who were virgins until well into their 20's.

Jimmy Carr famously didn't lose his till he was 25 I think.

Sex isn't particularly complicated, it shouldn't take too long for him to pick it up. Bonus is he won't have too many bad habits from previous lovers, you can show him what you like from the off!

GloriaGaynor · 29/12/2016 11:40

Not surprised about Jimmy Carr, he's a cunt.

Heratnumber7 · 29/12/2016 11:45

Actually, in my book, as the mother of 2 at 20, I would call you an "early starter" OP, rather than focussing on him being a virgin at 23.
(Presuming you didn't fall pregnant the first time you had sex).

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