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I'm worried about my ex

(10 Posts)
Gracey1231 Wed 28-Dec-16 00:45:16

My ex boyfriend blocked me, then last night unblocked me.

Saying he is focusing on religion and can't really be my friend, but wanted to talk because I deserved it.
He said he thinks of me almost every day, he kept a photo of me and him in his room, and has been calling me beautiful. We split up 6 months ago.
When we were chatting he started to cry and said it hurts him too, and that his heart sometimes aches for me because of what we had.
He said to me he has become anxious and depressed and has started to self harm.
He said to me he loves me and that I'm amazing, but is too young for a relationship as the bible teaches that it's wrong to be with someone at a young age because of temptation and emotions. One of the messages said
"Wounds heal but scars never fade, our story is etched on my heart forever" The last thing he said was "I love you, I need to say it one last time" And that being apart hurts him too

He doesn't seem well and if I'm honest I'm worried about him, and his wellbeing of course. I'm in contact with his mum for personal reasons so I'm unsure as to whether I should say something? Should I keep my mouth shut or not...

FishSauce555 Wed 28-Dec-16 00:51:19

How is he Gracey?

Gracey1231 Wed 28-Dec-16 00:54:15

This was last night, I'm so worried about him @FishSauce555 I really don't know whether to say something to his mum. He's only 21 and I feel like he's going to do something stupid, he's been cutting himself

Gracey1231 Wed 28-Dec-16 07:29:20

I'm so worried

HerOtherHalf Wed 28-Dec-16 07:36:01

Tell his mum. He needs professional help which hopefully she can encourage him to get. Far better to break his confidence than risk him seriously hurting himself and regretting having kept quiet.

Gracey1231 Wed 28-Dec-16 09:28:52

ive been up all night because of it, he seems so miserable since the breakup

Chops2016 Wed 28-Dec-16 09:35:37

I'd tell the mother. How would you feel if he took his life and you hadn't done anything? How would the mother feel losing her son without even knowing he was feeling this way and being able to help?

OurBlanche Wed 28-Dec-16 09:44:23

Please don't focus on how you would feel if he made that decision. But do tell his mum and explain that you cannot spend your nights talking him down... that is what you have just done!

How he feels is his issue and, whilst you obviously will do what you can to help, you have an obligation to yourself to stay well, you have no need to have your life turned upside down to meet his needs - that becomes co-dependency, a truly invidious form of emotional blackmail.

What you have to do is step back. Assess the situation with none of the feelings you used to have for him. You chose not to be with him, you should see his current actions as him trying to get you to change your mind, to feel connected/responsible for him.

I know it sounds cruel but, as with alcoholics, you cannot cure his MH issues, you can only keep yourself safe and, in this case, tell his family so that they can step in.

I am sorry, I know this sounds brutal and totally devoid of human kindness, but you must look after yourself. Leaping in to fix / save him won't accomplish anything other than making you miserable - and may not make him any happier either.

Tell his mum and then withdraw.

Good luck!

Gracey1231 Wed 28-Dec-16 09:58:41

@OurBlanche you hit the nail right on the head there!

I'm not going into detail with her either I'm going to just inform her of the strange messages and just make her aware

Gracey1231 Sun 08-Jan-17 12:37:48

just an update, i told her, she never replied so i dunno

im so worried about him

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