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Can't believe this...

(95 Posts)
Arosebyanyothername Tue 20-Feb-07 10:09:58

Having struggled through huge problems, which culminated in me leaving him and taking the DC with me,I came back to give it another go. Things aren't good. And now, DH has set up a website for people to contact other people for extra marital, no strings attached sex! He wanted me to run it, and when I said not a chance, he got annoyed and said he would do it himself. His idea is that, in the beginning, until he has a list of male and female contacts, he will pose as lots of different men, and I would pose as lots of different women, and 'cyber sex' with them via e mail!!!! Then if they asked to meet up make up an excuse and cry off! As if this wasn't disrespectful enough to me, he spent all of the weekend loking at porn sites 'for research', in the living room, in front of me and DD, who is 2. She could clearly see the pictures of oral/anal/lesbian acts etc...when I went ballistic he said she wouldn't understand and wouldn't take any notice anyway!!!!! I don't have a problem with porn as such, but it has it's time and place. I am furious that he could access that while our daughter was standing next to him. he wants to 'cater' for all tastes and persuasions...wanted to take a photo of my feet to put on there for foot fetishists!!!! All of this has been set up without discussion. To make matters worse, Social Services are involved (from a distance) over previous problems and they would go mental of they got wind of this but he just can't see it. I can't even bear to be in the same room as him anymore...he turns my stomach. Basically he is giving himself a green light to cyber with loads of different women under my nose, in my living room, in the name of business.

hunkeydorey Tue 20-Feb-07 10:12:08

Christ, I'd move straight back out. Why are you staying?

OrlandoTheMarmaladeCat Tue 20-Feb-07 10:12:52

I'd be off so fast you wouldn't see my feet move....

crispyduck Tue 20-Feb-07 10:12:57

Get rid

Tinkerbel5 Tue 20-Feb-07 10:15:07

Arose it seems like he is punishing you, for you and your child's sanity leave this idiot to his own devices.

colditz Tue 20-Feb-07 10:15:17

Get gone. This is not a man. This is a toad.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands Tue 20-Feb-07 10:17:05

He is taking the piss clearly. Seems as if he is testing you to see how much you will take. Don't take it.. get out now and don't go back to him. He is not fit to be a father and I wouldn't want my kids anywhere near him.

Rhian101 Tue 20-Feb-07 10:29:15

Run! Run far and run fast, but run! What a git.

BigHotMama Tue 20-Feb-07 10:37:17

Ohmygod! How awful of him? I'd get out there real fast and never go back he obviously doesnt respect you!

themildmanneredjanitor Tue 20-Feb-07 10:39:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arosebyanyothername Tue 20-Feb-07 10:46:28

I am SO glad to hear you all saying that. He made me feel as if I am being a prude which i am so not!!!! Even without him accessing this in front of DD, he is wrong setting up this company isn't he? I asked an old old friend of mine (I've known him for 20 years) to ask his work mates (all military) what their take on this is, and he said they all wanted to string him up for this!!! So I know it's not just me. It's immoral, disrespectful, sleazy....the marriage is definately over and now I have to just figure out how to get away from him.

Arosebyanyothername Tue 20-Feb-07 10:48:50

Incidentally, if I had anywhere to go I would have left again already. I was in temporary accomodation, but I have nowhere to go, as yet. I am a SAHM, and won't work as I don't trust him with the DC if I got a part time job. (I have 3 children...2 are from a previous marriage).

detoxdiva Tue 20-Feb-07 10:49:12


You will be better off without him. Lots of luck, and hope you sort out things for you and your dc.

themildmanneredjanitor Tue 20-Feb-07 10:50:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhian101 Tue 20-Feb-07 10:59:03

Yes, why should you go? Kick him out. Get rid. I think you know it's over. You have every right to ask him to leave. Good luck.

swift1 Tue 20-Feb-07 11:02:18

THe thought of him accessing this stuff while dd is there worries me. Alot. I would ask him to leave, get ss involoved again id ou have to.

clarinsgirl Tue 20-Feb-07 11:04:59

Don't leave, tell him to go. If he doesn't, take mildmanneredjanitor's suggestion and kick him out. Why should you and the DCs suffered because he's a idiot?

mumto3girls Tue 20-Feb-07 11:06:25

This is not a normal person imo...nothing in your OP sounds like he is aware of 'normal balanced' behaviour let alone parental responsibility.

Can you not throw him out and get social services round to see what he has been accessing in front of your little daughter...what a complete waste of skin he is!!

anorak Tue 20-Feb-07 11:07:12

Of course he is trying to make you think it is all normal. How else will he justify this to himself?

But you know it isn't normal. He is not the man for you. He shouldn't be in a family. He has no respect for women.

HappyDaddy Tue 20-Feb-07 11:43:15

Is this for real?

If so, he needs a good slap.

littlemissbossy Tue 20-Feb-07 11:48:51

if this is for real - what are you asking?? of course no one in their right mind would put up with this - LEAVE, the guy's an arsehole

paulaplumpbottom Tue 20-Feb-07 11:53:04

I would usually tell someone to try to work it out. But not in this case. That sort of behaviour is so not on. Doing it in front of your DD is horrible. Get rid of him.

Arosebyanyothername Tue 20-Feb-07 12:05:07

Hi, yes it's absolutely for real. What am I asking....I guess my original reason was validation that i am right on this one. He's a massively controlling man, and one of the by products of being with someone like this is that you begin to question your own decisions. Yes, I have absolutely no doubt that accessing it in front of DD is wrong in the extreme...that goes without saying. I guess he made me feel a prude for objecting and I was just looking for you all to tell me that in fact it is HIM with the problem.
I've been through the whole asking him to leave thing before, and he refuses, point blank, which is why me and DC ended up in emergency temp accomodation the last time. Any reasonable man would accept that it's over, and leave so the the children could sstay in the home, but not him. he refuses, says we can eff off if we want to but he's not going til he's ready, which would be never. my only option would be to file for divorce, but in the meantime I would have to share the house with him, and he's unstable to say the least.
As for SS, I am so afraid that they will take the kids away because of this which is why I haven't told them this latest development.

clarinsgirl Tue 20-Feb-07 12:08:43

Get him out by means fair or foul. Do whatever you have to. Don't know the details with SS, but surely they will support you if you approach them (rather than them approaching you) about DH?

mumblechum Tue 20-Feb-07 12:10:35

I have a horrible feeling of deja vous about this thread and I really hope you're not who I think you are.

If you are, I can only say AGAIN, ffs get a solicitor and get an occupation order.

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