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DH furious after Christmas

(163 Posts)
peckishbabysitter Tue 27-Dec-16 22:09:29

We've just had my parents to stay for 4days over xmas. DCs had a lovely time; I worked very hard; DH was civil but often silent. He clearly thought he had behaved well but when he asked me outright I told him that his irritation has been very clear. Now he is furious - says he will only see my parents for bare minimum amount of time next year.

I know we see far more of my family than he would choose. I try to moderate it (e.g. Take kids to see them without him) but it is still too much for him. My DCs completely love them and have no idea there is conflict.

What the fuck should I do now?! I actually feel we could split over this even tho I love him and he's a loving dad. He refused to talk to me just now and I think I'll sleep in the spare room. No idea how to approach things tomorrow. Any thoughts?!!

MapMyMum Tue 27-Dec-16 22:11:35

Do you see your parents more than his?

OohhThatsMe Tue 27-Dec-16 22:12:17

I think most people would find 4 days far too long if they didn't really get on well with their in laws. You must have seen several threads on here where people are beside themselves at having guests for such a long time - even guests they really like.

How far away do your family live?

fc301 Tue 27-Dec-16 22:13:19

What is it that irritates him?

bloodyteenagers Tue 27-Dec-16 22:13:52

Often silent - one word answers. No jabbering on constantly.. Only making conversation when someone starts?
Is he
Normally very talkative or does he usually take a back seat?

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland Tue 27-Dec-16 22:14:01

There must be a lot of back story here.

Did you feel you needed to correct him on his behaviour or was the conversation already going down the disagreement route?

Irritation was clear, reads that maybe he huffed and puffed and made them unwelcome. Or was he just quiet and kept a little too much to himself but not outwardly intentionally rude?

You're angry but can you nail specifically what was wrong?

ScarletForYa Tue 27-Dec-16 22:15:08

I'd go bonkers with visitors for four days.

Mirandawest Tue 27-Dec-16 22:16:10

Refusing to talk to you is not good behaviour on his part. What were his problems with your parents visit do you think?

nethunsreject Tue 27-Dec-16 22:16:26

Definitely a back story here. How do you feel about your parents in all this? And your dp?

Doje Tue 27-Dec-16 22:17:02

Why does he not like your parents?

Imknackeredzzz Tue 27-Dec-16 22:17:03

I'd hate my inlaws for 4 days- God poor him

Gazelda Tue 27-Dec-16 22:18:42

Four days is a long time to spend in the company of visitors. Especially over the Christmas period when you're probably all cooped up indoors for most of the time.

Was he out and out rude to them?

Does it matter that he intends to only see them the bare minimum next year? Do they live far or do visits necessitate overnight stays?

GetTheeBehindMeSanta Tue 27-Dec-16 22:19:00

Four days is a long stretch for a Christmas visit. No matter how pleasant and helpful the visitors, I think everyone craves some quiet private time with their immediate family.

bluebeck Tue 27-Dec-16 22:20:34

Agree with PP 4 days with inlaws would make me stabby.

What's the back story?

peckishbabysitter Tue 27-Dec-16 22:20:48

His parents are dead. He is irritated because they are old and sometimes say silly things or get in the way. I didn't try to 'correct' him but when he asked me upfront I wasn't going to lie.

KeptOnRaining Tue 27-Dec-16 22:21:48

Is he like ths when other people stay or just your parents?

Objectively, what are your parents like?

LotsOfShoes Tue 27-Dec-16 22:21:55

4 days is not that long and he was being extremely rude. They're your parents!! Is there a massive backstory here? To be honest, if DH were to try and make me distance myself from my parents, that would be a deal breaker.

peckishbabysitter Tue 27-Dec-16 22:21:59

They live several hours' drive away

LotsOfShoes Tue 27-Dec-16 22:22:30

What silly things do they say?

KeptOnRaining Tue 27-Dec-16 22:23:14

Before they got 'old' what was his relationship like with them?

CocoaX Tue 27-Dec-16 22:24:59

I think it is fine if he only wants to see your parents bare minimum. What is not fine would be telling you when you can see them. He can organise his time separately for the duration of visits, i would have thought

BlueNeighbourhood Tue 27-Dec-16 22:25:14

Maybe he's jealous he still has that relationship and closeness with your parents and his aren't around anymore? You having your parents there for so long just reminds him of what it'd be like if his parents were around too. And so he's upset/different around them.

happychristmasbum Tue 27-Dec-16 22:25:29

Yes what "silly things"

Mildly irritating things?

Racist/homophobic things?

Unutterably rude things?

You aren't giving us much to go on OP.......

Jayfee Tue 27-Dec-16 22:26:14

I just had my lovely children and parents for 4 days. But I go out, they go out etc so we have a break from each other. I think your dh might be due some understanding. 4 days is very long for an all together family christmss

leaveittothediva Tue 27-Dec-16 22:26:47

I mean, what's his problem with them, do they all not like each other?. He presumably knew they were coming?. Is he antisocial?. He's an adult, but why he feels it necessary to ask you if he behaved alright, is beyond me, unless he's going through some psychosis, he would surely know that he was irritated that they were there and behaved like a twat. I'd leave him at home and go to their house, if he doesn't want to see people, because I wouldn't be arsed putting up with a sulky bollocks in the corner. Maybe do this next year.

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