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should I walk before he does?

(4 Posts)
buttercuphunny Tue 27-Dec-16 22:02:29

I need some advice,I have been single for over two years after 14 years of ex was an alcoholic, control freak,etc. The last two years were the worse, everyday I tried to get him out my house but he would refuse to go. I left him with the children a few times but he would always hunt me down and play with my head and promise he would change but the truth was every time he got back within a week or so he was back to his normal self.all this behaviour has left lasting memories on my children, with even one now requiring a special school for anxiety problems which was which has now come to light my child's worry of him returning as my ex use to be a daddy's boy and climb to his window at night and beg him to let him back in.please know that my son's anxiety only came to light after I finally left my home and moved to the complete opposite side of town from him, also he had numerous injunctions and restraining orders placed on him but every time I'd ring the police and mostly two hours later they would turn up and be he'd be gone,once they didn't arrive till the following day.he use to shoot bb pellets at my front room window from the shadows of the alleys opposite my home but because the police asked if I'd seen him and explained it was dark and I couldn't they didn't believe me and blamed local gangs and when police use to go around his house his mother use to say no he was here all night.hes is a mummy's boy even though when she was fighting for her life in hospital he stole £800 out of her purse and he said it was me even though he told me he had won on a scratch card. Before I finally got him out of my house I had left for two nights and my children refused to come as there was no internet were I was staying,I got back in all because my child rang me late one night saying he was asleep outside my front door and the police came back with me and took him back to his mother's. I stayed in and had a lockdown and curtains closed for days.he meet a new girl the next day in our local pub and she also an alcoholic so she kept him on a bender.the last 18 months were awful he refused point blank to step foot out the door as he knew that he would get bolted,I could never sleep as much as I barracked my door he would get in and wake me up raping misunderstood story or tale there is was full pinned down and done everynight.
When he finally stayed away that bender he went on I told the police but after a lengthy enquiry the police couldn't prosecute as he said the sex was consensual.
Anyway moved away and was happy alone with my children, anyway I wasn't looking for a man or anything,I entered my local raffle and you had to leave your number on the back of your ticket.i wasn't going to be there for the draw so I asked for the lad running it to ring me if I'd won.ayway he txtd and said sorry I didn't win but the conversation kept going and he asked to take me for lunch.i said he was too young (there's 13 years between us)but acts a lot older,his nights out are going to the club were he works and drinks real ale with them and plays Domino's etc,there all over 50 who he socialises with.we have met and started dating for a month now and he's introduced me to his friends and my children knew him before and liked him anyway.he has spoken to both of them alone and said if there unhappy with anything he and me would just be friends but my children said they have there blessing and they love seeing me happy.i have told him bits of why I'm holding back and he said he is nothing like my ex and it's different and to listen to my feelings and let go. I did and we spent some of Christmas day together.anyway we had a few drinks and things started getting a bit frisky,I broke down and told him everything even down to the tape.we held each other all night and didn't do anything. I worried the next day that I'd messed it up.he was with his child that day but txtd me. I seem to have gone into defense mode now and said I need a fresh new start etc and I'm starting tomorrow.he made the comment that he hoped he was part of it but I didn't want to answer that so spoke about something else. I said today I want to chat with him tomorrow and he asked me to meet him after I walk away now before I'm the one that gets feeling he won't or doesn't want to deal with my past . I'm seeing him tomorrow should I finish it or not? I'm too scared to let go because I was starting to fall in love with him.

AnxietySertraline Wed 28-Dec-16 14:39:48

Give it some time

buttercuphunny Wed 04-Jan-17 00:04:10

I decided to end it the next day but unbeknown to me my eldest had txtd him n tipped him off so he saw me and cried and told me he's scared too.but we have drawn a line on the past n we r going for it.we are so close now and happy.he feels the same and love is growing x

SandyY2K Wed 04-Jan-17 00:18:48

I hope it works out for you.
You deserve some happiness.

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