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Is it ME????

(67 Posts)
SilkThreads Tue 27-Dec-16 20:33:21

Background:
I have mobility probs and am on crutches. Get v tired.
Am about to have a further Operation and have been unwell for 12+ years.
I have 2 dc.
In Oct I moved area. Main reason was schooling issues for dc.
However, H and I (of 15 years) had not been doing well.
He' finds life stressful' so I'd effectively single parented for years anyway.
Since they were tiny, if they played up he'd just go to bed.
He wont help with homework, he wont cook, etc etc.
Main reason for move was school but
We agreed to live separately for the foreseeable future but to co-parent children, and to share all important events for them
I have found it no harder to manage than when sharing a house with him.
I suspect he likes being a Disney Dad at weekends and leaving me to do the grunt in the week.
Issue:
So, I arranged a 3 day trip for kids as a surprise as they got no summer hols the last 3 years. It involves a long train trip, (no prob, I can sit) but then a longish day at an attraction This is the bit I am worried about. Since arranging it, I've become worried I cant manage it, physically.

I contacted my Mum. She replied that she cant manage anything before Easter. It's only 1 day, and she's not seen the kids for 4 years, but, hey...

I contacted an old friend in London. She was initially very keen, but is now saying it will be a 'nuisance' and I know that it will bring the kids down if it is obvious she doesn't want to be there (ands he will make it obvious). This is one child's Godparent,

So, today I asked H if he'd come. I hosted Xmas and he did nothing towards it, I bought and paid for it all and did all cooking etc. I thought it was nice for kids to see their Dad but it was all done by me.
I explained the circs re the trip and said I was worried I'd have to cancel (all non changeable tickets, to save money, so the trip would be 'lost') without another adult to help and that I'd asked all possible others.

He havered on about 'practical difficulties' (all of which are easily overcome). When I pointed that out, he said he thinks he'd' find it too stressful' so I am on my own with it.

FFS. Feel really let down tonight.
Am worried I will let the kids down by not being able to manage it.
I know it's my fault, as I arranged it.
But you'd think between Grandma, Godparent and their own Father, someone would lend a hand to make sure they don't miss out? angry

LesisMiserable Tue 27-Dec-16 20:36:48

I can only say that as shit as it is, these people have hitherto clearly not hidden their apathy towards family participation so you perhaps shouldn't have booked the trip without a cast iron promise of assistance. I know its rubbish but really this is who they are.

SilkThreads Tue 27-Dec-16 20:56:35

Yes.
I thought I could manage the trip solo, but I feel quite a bit worse since I booked it. That is why I've asked them.

It IS crap of them though, isn't it sad

SandyY2K Tue 27-Dec-16 21:27:05

I'm sorry about your situation. Do you have very young kids?

What a shame for the kids and what a waste of space of a DH.

Do you qualify for carers support? I'm wondering if a chaperone or similar could help.

timelytess Tue 27-Dec-16 21:36:47

When are you going? Have you time to book some kind of child-care support?

gamerchick Tue 27-Dec-16 21:37:43

I know this isn't desirable but could you look up the local shop mobility where you're going and hire a mobility scooter for the day? I did that with a broken leg and it was a godsend.

Your husband is a cheesy bellend right there though.

glentherednosedbattleostrich Tue 27-Dec-16 21:42:05

How old are the kids, what attraction?

Is booking a babysitter / mothers help for the day to help an option? Or would some of your kids friends and their parents be willing to go and help?

I'm sure the MNCollective can come up with something if neither of these will work.

Chippednailvarnishing Tue 27-Dec-16 21:46:03

Could you hire a mobility scooter once you get there?

Cricrichan Tue 27-Dec-16 21:53:49

That's unbelievable op. Don't do anything more for your lazy, selfish ex and don't bother with your pathetic mother again. Give your ex an ultimatum and if that doesn't work then do a Facebook please amongst your friends. Hope someone can come op xx

SilkThreads Tue 27-Dec-16 22:06:38

Kids are 9 and 12.
It's the Harry Potter studios.
the 12 yr old is on the spectrum.
He is FAB, but gets overwhelmed by noise etc so needs kindness.
He doesn't 'act up' at all, just gets tired and tearful.
so it is great to have 2 adults so dd doesn't get left out.
I asked about mobility scooters to hire but they only have manual wheelchairs there.
no one can come from this end sadly.
They are such lovely kids and they deserve a treat.
I feel so crap

BrioLover Tue 27-Dec-16 22:10:38

That IS shit of all of them.

If it helps though, I have a (very) bad back and did the Harry Potter Studios at 36 weeks pregnant. There are lots of places to sit. I hope you manage it and have fun anyway flowers

lampshady Tue 27-Dec-16 22:11:41

I'm so sorry, that's awful. Do you have a friend with DC who could book to go on the same day? Maybe take your 9 year old round if you need some extra time with the 12 year old? Is it a timed thing? Can you factor in extra rest breaks?

mummytime Tue 27-Dec-16 22:13:12

Oh I thought it was a theme park. I am sure you can sit down there. I would also ask if they do a badge or something so you and DS can escape to the outdoor bit for a decompress and then go back "the wrong way" through the door if you haven't finished that bit. It is a much more manageable attraction than most.

neighbourhoodwitch Tue 27-Dec-16 22:18:48

I'd like to help on the day, if I can, if you'd like and date is ok. Realise this isn't the point. Just feel you've been badly let down but happy to help if you'd feel.ok with that. I live in London. Going to sleep now so I'll see if you message tomorrow. Sorry couldn't see how to PM.

Chippednailvarnishing Tue 27-Dec-16 22:25:06

How about hiring a rollator? Some companies will deliver.

www.mobilityhire.com/rollator-hire.php

SandunesAndRainclouds Tue 27-Dec-16 22:25:27

If it's any consolation, I took my DD when she was 6 to HP studios. She has learning difficulties - not ASD but similar issues.

She coped brilliantly. The only queue she had to cope with was to get in, but there's plenty to look at while you're waiting.

Once inside it was fairly free moving and wasn't sensory overload. Don't bother buying the butter beer though, it is vile!!

It is a fairly big walk so if you can get a loan of a mobility scooter it'd be helpful. Do you have a carer's support group nearby? They may be able to help source one. Or Red Cross maybe? I know they loan manual wheelchairs but not sure about scooters.

I know this doesn't help with lack of support, but I hope it reassures you a bit and that you get there and enjoy the day.

SilkThreads Tue 27-Dec-16 22:35:06

thanks, all.
I think it is the whole day I am fretting about.
Down on the train from Scotland.
then have to get to HP.
then (stupidly) booked in central London overnight.
I think sheer adrenalin will get us through until end of HP bit.
It's getting from Watford to County Hall when we are dog tired and hungry that I am worried about.
Don't know if kids will cope with tube (or me, on double crutches).

neighbourhoodwitch that is properly lovely of you to say that.
You have sent me to bed tearful, but in a good way. Bless you.x

KickAssAngel Tue 27-Dec-16 22:45:32

I know this isn't how you want it to be, but are there any measures you can take to make it easier?

e.g. make sure you're well rested before the trip. Have you booked seats on the train? That should/could be quite relaxing.

For the journey back, can you afford a taxi once you're back in London?

Can you have snacks/food ready to eat the moment you get out, or go somewhere (even just MacDonalds) to give yourselves a sit down and some food before travelling back into London?

If you know you're as prepared as you can be, then you should feel better about going

Of course, it would be better if you had some reliable support in your life, but sadly it seems that there aren't as many kind people in this life as there should be.

BakeOffBiscuits Tue 27-Dec-16 22:46:30

You sound so lovely!

I agree with you that Watford to County Hall on the tube would be a lot to cope with after a long day, would a taxi be more manageable? It may cost quite a bit but it would be worth it if that's the bit which is worrying you the most.

There may be others along soon with better suggestions but I hope you get something sorted. You all deserve a lovely day.

Chippednailvarnishing Tue 27-Dec-16 22:48:56

Would dial a ride be of any use?

tfl.gov.uk/modes/dial-a-ride/membership?intcmp=4002

Could you change your accommodation to something nearer Watford?

Groovee Tue 27-Dec-16 22:50:31

I have mobility issues and found the studios good for seating areas. We got the HP bus to Watford junction, then train to Euston, stopped for dinner there then tube to our hotel. It was much easier than I expected.

springydaffs Tue 27-Dec-16 22:56:41

If the worst comes to the very worst, could you get your tickets refunded because of your health? You said yourself you feel a lot worse since you booked. yy it could take a while but you might be in with a good chance, with your GP's support.

but I do hope you can manage it, if at all possible, somehow...

and yes it IS crap of them all angry

RebelRogue Tue 27-Dec-16 23:09:11

They are being really crappy,especially since they have no real reasons other than they can't be arsed. What date are you going?
Any chance you can change accommodation for something in watford so you can just crash after? Or maybe Euston so you could take the fast train from watford junction?

We did Harry Potter this summer and one of the good things is that there is no rush. You can walk at your own pace,wonder about,stop and sit if you need to. You can go outside and go back in etc. There is a lot to look at and take in but not particularly noisy or overwhelming.

P.s. Depending on the date, I might be able to help .

Shamoo Wed 28-Dec-16 00:13:16

There is a free and regular bus from HP studios to Watford Junction (they go from right outside the station). There are also a couple of nice pubs that do decent food by Watford Junction, so you could have dinner there before heading back into London, to get a rest and some energy?

Good luck! You seem so nice and I really hope you manage to form a plan.

gunnergirl Wed 28-Dec-16 00:35:27

Tell us more what attraction and how old the kids if ur in london would be glad to help have a 9 yr ds open to most things

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