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In tune with your partner sexually, do we have an issue?(2 Posts)
Hello, I wanted to ask a question, its one thats kind of annoying me, but at the same time, I keep on thinking its ok...I think!
I have been with my partner now about 2 years roughly, 8 years age difference, he is older and we are in our 40's. I have, or use to have a very high sex drive, but whats strange and whats annoying me is that my sex drive is quieter and less intense or the need for it as much with my current partner of 2 years is less....!
With my partner at the beginning, he was very intense with me, demanding and full on, I had to tell him to slow things down. He use to take a long while as well and I felt he use to take sex very seriously to the level where it made me feel it was quite intimidating or he was just very highly sexed on so many levels it put me off and made me back off as well. It took roughly 6 months to work on this together and to get this sorted out....trust me it was an issue, but we were both very attracted to each other that wasnt the issue....thankfully!
We use to try and have lots of sex at the start but as he took so long to climax and was very intense and took it so seriously I got bored and wanted it more fun which he is kind of being now.
(Hope this is said correctly). We have sex about 3 times a week, or 4 or twice, if we are busy in the week sometimes its a case of weekends which suits me and I am not demanding it at all in any way.
I am finding he is getting worried, he says, "our sex life is dwindling, we are only having sex at weekends, or he says its becoming boring like a married couple!" - however in between these statements he says, he is very happy with me and our sex life he says its the best in fact.....
He seems to act on emotion a lot of the times and when he is feeling like this comments are made and its really off putting and hate to say comes across immature as well.
Now when we first dated I use to say sex is really important for me when I am with someone, but I never really make a scene anymore about sex or mention anything as I am quite happy as things are, getting on with my life and we get on really well too....until he says these things which has been every few months which sets me off, this also pulls me away and makes me tense. So in the back of my mind I am thinking "ok its been once this week, I will make sure its twice after Thursday, then Sunday its another one!"
Now, seriously I know this sounds bad but I have never been like this before ever with anyone else...or thought does it feel like a chore at times clocking the times because he may think its not enough or he thinks its not enough for me because of my first comment.
We have these talks about this and he says he worries in case its a chore for me, or I want more but we havent been getting enough, but its because we have been tired and I am not thinking anything about sex until or unless we are chilled. However when he starts to lay any pressure on me, I have to admit yes I feel pressured, angry and like he is demanding. He says to me "you don't like pressure I have realised this"
I don't think anyone would like pressure of any kind like that sexually surely?
I use to be adventurous and want more, but with him, I either cant be bothered to or I find myself getting bored or being put upon as I know he likes sex in other ways I am not fussed about, this was our issue from day one but then he says he isn't like that...however with his comments its coming across like deep down he wants more, needs more and needs more variety...even...?? not sure....as he says things then retracts from it saying he is worried about me?
So my worry is, if we don't have sex say in the week he panics, brings up the issue again and has a go at me, or says things are dwindling, its getting boring etc....
however its normally outside work, tired or done a lot of exercise at the gym and burnt out thats all really, nothing else....
With my ex, we were very active, pretty much 3 times a day when we first got together and this lasted a while with him but he was different in bed, he could last hours and it would never been intense or too long or too serious, it was fun!!
would this annoy anyone else and make them feel under pressure? he says its not about him and its me, because of my comment at the start saying sex to me is really important and because we aren't having it everyday he feels its a chore to me or I am bored?
He has backed off more and lets me come to him more.... and it is our only issue in the relationship as otherwise he treats me beautifully well, looks out for me, is very generous, great around the house but this sex part doesnt just flow, he cant just go with the flow or think outside the box, like, we are working late, tired, busy.....etc....its not like we don't ever have it, its normally 2/3 per week but I have always felt I don't give him enough....always waiting for his comment.....
I try and dress up for him every now and again, or try new things....but if its not regular, he's definitely on the case or I'm feeling it with him that he will be.....
He told me his ex wife use to say to him to slow it down at the start as he was all over her too at the beginning which was interesting.....
I do love him dearly, he's a good guy but when we bring this up we end up arguing all the time about it until I walk off and want to be on my own or don't want to talk anymore as I am upset about it again...
I wish I could want more but his body isn't like that he cant go for hours, he lasts hours and I do get bored......however when we do have sex its great just not one after the other....its enough for me as it is he is enough but am I for him...he says yes but I kind of know I am not...?
thank you for reading xx
It sounds too much like hard work to me. If I had to work on the sexual side of a new relationship for six months I would have given up pretty quickly. You sound pretty annoyed with him tbh. Are you sure it's really what you want or are you happy to tolerate anything just to be in a relationship?
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