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How to let go and move on..

(9 Posts)
fakefuss Tue 27-Dec-16 18:01:01

Just that really. Been split with exp since May. Were together 5 years. Have a DD together. Tried to work things out numerous times since but never worked out. I have written quite an extensive list of reasons why I do not want to be with him. But I still do. Or I still think I do.. I'm not even sure of that anymore. I definitely hate the idea of him being with anyone else.

Since our last failed attempt at sorting things out, I can't sleep (wake every night and just can't go back to sleep), lost my appetite, and am just consumed with thoughts of him all the time. I stalk his fb page (not friends anymore, but can still access it) and he has 'loved' some woman's profile pic and it literally puts knots in my stomach.

I got very sentimental over Christmas and sent him a whole bunch of texts (while sober for the record!) and he said he loves and misses me too. I said I didn't think it should be this hard if it's the right thing. we've tried to sort things out though and nothing changes (on either side), so how do I move on from here? I am well prepared to be told to get a grip (think I need to be), but any practical advice would be really appreciated. Obviously can't go NC as have DD and live about 2 minutes from each other.

This is my third serious relationship and I have never been able to just walk away, always been messy back and forth, so I really need help with this. Thank you..

WynterBlossom Tue 27-Dec-16 19:40:15

I wish I could offer advice however an found through the same thing right now, except I'm NC.

I hope things get better for you

jeaux90 Tue 27-Dec-16 21:11:36

Yep it shouldn't be that hard. I suspect you are mourning for what you thought the relationship should have been rather than seeing it for what it really was.

The pain will pass but you need to limit contact xxx

WynterBlossom Tue 27-Dec-16 22:25:53

Going through**

Sorry, just realised my mistake.

How are you feeling??

fakefuss Wed 28-Dec-16 10:59:24

Thanks for your replies.

I do think I am mourning the relationship I wanted/it could have been. I definitely wouldn't be mourning the relationship it was. I need to remember that.

I'm feeling ok. It doesn't help I have a stinking cold, sinuses that feel like they are about to explode and tooth ache. I actually managed to sleep last night (might have been the night nurse).

How you feeling Wynter? How you finding NC?

WynterBlossom Wed 28-Dec-16 11:53:04

Feeling ill always makes things much worse, which in turn gives an excuse to stay in bed, however I haven't had an excuse I just can't wake up before a certain time anymore considering I managed to get into a great routine of waking at 7:30 for work and then around 8-9 on weekends.

Now I'm lucky if I'm up before midday when I'm not at work.

Do you feel you stay awake going over everything??

To be fair, how I feel isn't about him or the relationship anymore, it's simply the after effects which are causing the daily issues I have to work through, I.e the panic attacks each morning....the feeling of dread....the feeling of being better off dead.

I've been NC for 6 weeks on Thursday, I haven't felt the urge to text him or whatever because I know he's with someone else & regardless of whether I'm carrying his child, I wouldn't want to embarrass myself.

fakefuss Wed 28-Dec-16 20:05:34

Wynter that's awful. You shouldn't worry about not getting up if you don't have to, you should get all the rest you can now.

You're being very strong. I suffered from anxiety while I was pregnant, have you spoken to your midwife about it? How far along are you?

You're never better off dead (just for the record), soon you're going to be someone's whole world and that is an amazing feeling. Do you have friends/family nearby? People you can talk to?

WynterBlossom Sat 31-Dec-16 12:49:33

I'm doing my best to be positive, however I am hugely looking forward to the 1st Jan 2017, won't go as far as saying it's going to be my year....just simply that last year I didn't do much, I didn't have much & best year I do.

I am trying to stay positive & move on, I need to learn to be happy on my own, I only struggle with knowing he's with someone else & "happy" with her & ignoring the fact he's got a baby on the way with his just makes me sad.

I saw the mental health nurse yesterday, really helpful...seeing midwife next week & also another mental health nurse....have been with family since it all happened, hoping tomorrow will bring better things

monicabling Sat 31-Dec-16 14:32:29

Hi op, I've been going through this for 5 years! The only thing that has bought it to a head was my fears actually materializing (him getting a gf). I can't say whether its worth you guys trying again but I do feel I've wasted a lot of time working on something unworkable rather than working on myself. 2017 is going to be the year I finally close the door to that relationship. Wishing you luck smile

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