I'm married with two children, but for the past three months I've been having an affair with my ex, whom I also work beside... We were together a long time ago for a couple of years and have always been good friends since we split up. He also has a long term partner and children with her.
We know we can't have a future together, neither of us wants to be responsible for splitting up two families, and it would be catastrophic for work if the truth got out. The last time we were together was last week, we had a big chat and decided that it has to be over. Although we've said it before a few times, I know this time it's real. It has to be over as it's totally messing with our minds and we can't have our other halves finding out - they'd be devastated. I know we were completely wrong to start it in the first place, and I don't know how we got to be in 'that place' again, but the fact is it did happen, we can't change that.
My problem now is I'm so confused. I do love my husband, but I know we have problems (obviously) and at the moment I have no motivation to sort them out, which is just wrong! However, I've realised recently that I also love the OM. I felt myself falling in love with him all over again, but tried to ignore it. That was until last week - we'd both had a bit to drink, nothing had happened at this point, but when we were saying goodbye and gave each other a hug neither of us could break apart. We had a kiss, another 'what are we doing' conversation, and then after another hug he told me 'I do love you, you know' - I asked him to repeat as I didn't think I'd heard him properly, and he said it again. I told him I loved him too.
The next night when we were together was when we said we had to end it. He can't face the repercussions if we were to keep going. He, like me, isn't happy in his relationship, but wants to try to make it work for the kids. I couldn't imagine either of us splitting up with our OHs because the fall out would be horrendous, which is why we've ended it, but I can't get him out of my head. I love him, I want to be with him, but I can't and it's tearing me apart. I know it's all my own doing, and it's entirely my fault I feel like this, but having nobody to talk to is killing me. I can't tell my husband, it's not an option. Both families are friends and we had agreed not to say anything, so I can't spill even if I wanted to. I can't cut him out of my life because we work very closely with each other and that's unlikely to change. I'm completely torn. I love OM but can't be with him without causing a massive amount of heartache, and I'm not willing to do that. I know I need to get my marriage back on track, but I don't know how to at the moment because I miss my OM so much.
Has anyone been in a similar situation before???
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Relationships
getting over an affair when you're still in love
catandthechristmasttree · 27/12/2016 17:54
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