I have fallen out with my parents this morning and I'm so upset I can't tell dh what has happened as i will start crying again.A bit of back story I'm the eldest of 2 children me and a younger brother there is just under 2 years between us.From being very young i was always aware that he was the favourite and on top of that my parents were abusive,there I've finally said it its taken me a long time to acknowledge this.I can sort of understand why my dad was angry and abusive as he had an abusive childhood but my mums childhood was idyllic so I can't understand why she was like it.I spent most of my childhood terrified as we were regularly hit by my dad but if I've ever mentioned it as an adult he just says we weren't hit we were smacked but in my eyes there is no difference.On top of this i was badly bullied by a girl at school from the age of 8 until i left school at 16 so i was scared at school and at home and i believe this has led to my mh problems as an adult(anxiety and panic disorder)I have been on antidepressants since my early 20s and have accepted i will be on them for the rest of my life.Growing up my younger brother could do no wrong if my dad tried to punish him my mum would defend him but never me,he always got the exact thing he asked for at Christmas but i never did and he always had brand new clothes but i had hand me downs(god knows where from as i was also the eldest grandchild)usuall from a huge bin liner my mum used to leave in my bedroom.Fast foward to adulthood my brother spent a lot of time unemployed having been thrown out of 2 colledges and sitting about playing computer games.I would regularly come home from work and be told i would have to go to the shops as there was no milk/bread/cheese all eaten by brother,i got fed up of this and pointed out that db had been sat about all day so why can't he go and then all hell would break loose and dd would have a right go at me so i would have to go.Thats just a taster of what went on if i put all that happened i would be here all day.At 21 i bought a house with dh then dp and its lovely to live by my own rules and i could finally breathe.At 24 i married and a couple of years later i had my ds,i took the decision fairly early to have just 1 child and i think this is because of my childhood.My db also had children and from the start my brothers kids were favourite with my parents and for a while we kept away as if anything happened my ds would get the blame and my niece was often given gifts in front of my son who got nothing so we kept away as much as possible.Im now 42 and my db has had 2 different partners and 4 kids between both and is always in trouble with money and parents constantly bail him out but they won't here a bad word against him he's left a trail of destruction each time and 2 of his kids have behavioural problems because of his behaviour.I on he other hand are a constant disappointment and can never do anything right(what is it about me that constantly wants to please my parents when i know it will never be good enough) im still married to dh and my ds is nearly 16!and despite having asd is doing really well at school and is going into the 6th form next year but apparently im too soft on him and he is too spoilt according to my parents.Anyway recently my brother has met another women who my parents think is the beesknees(just like the last 2) and they have quiet quickly become besties with her mum.She is from a very well off family and my parents go on about it at every available opportunity they also are constantly trying to get us to meet them and to be hnoest im not intrested but they won't let up so this morning after shopping i asked hubby to take me to my parents while i have a word as they are making us feel uncomfortable especially my ds who doesn't cope well with change.My brother has proposed to his new gf and my parents are even more eager for us to meet them as they are getting married next year.I told my mum I'm not intrested in having a forced meeting and if i bump into them i will meet her then as i only really see my db once a year but they wouldn't let it go and just kept going on about the wedding and how i need to meet them and I'm sorry to say i just came out with what everyone else was thinking and told my dad i thought db was only marrying her for money.My dad flew into a rage and I honestly thought he was going to hit me so i left with him following me hurling abuse so i just snapped and told him he thinks the sun shines out of db arse.I got back in the car sobbing as I've never stood up to my parents before and I didn't stop sobbing until lunch time i still can't tell dh what happened as i feel numb and sad but i think the best thing now is for me to break contact with them as i still strongly believe they are the cause of my problems in adulthood I'm sorry this is a long post i just needed to get it out and i cant physically speak to anyone about it at the moment i just needed to vent sorry
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.