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My dm is controlling and hit me

(48 Posts)
WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 10:33:45

Hi everyone,

I've left it a couple of days to write this as I wanted to try and be a bit more "with it" and not ramble.

I fear I still might not achieve that.

Anyway, I want to leave my dh, I don't love him anymore and I feel our relationship has run its course.

I've been terrified, and I mean genuinely scared of telling my mother.

I went out on Christmas Eve Eve and she text me asking if dd had her dinner, as I was out I didn't reply immediately and within half an hour I had missed calls from her.

I called her back and she was shouting at me that I go out too much, my dd isn't a priority to me, I don't behave like a good mother etc.

She then text to demand I go to hers to "sort it out" immediately. I said no.

Anyway, the next day she summoned me round and I went. My df was there too, as soon as I sat down she ranted that I treat dh like shit, how dare I do this to her after all the money she has given us (they are multimillionaires no that it makes any difference).

She was shouting and I asked her to stop shouting, if she wanted to talk then fine but I'm not going to be shouted at. I never spoken to her like that before.

She then started screaming at me, about how dare I complain about my life, I'm a spoiled bitch, what is this going to do to her and db (on ASD spectrum), how I'm going to fuck up dd's life as she really adores her dad.

I got up and started walking out. She chased after me and screamed at me.

She blocked my car door, and I asked her repeatedly to move. Df was calling her back to. She then raised her hand to me. So I said "go on then if it's going to make you feel better, I'm not going to be scared of you anymore".

So she slapped me full force in the face. Twice.

And she still screamed at me and wouldn't let me leave. She even sat in the driver's seat. All the while df was calling her back.

I grabbed my phone out of the car and made to start walking home. She got out of the car and I ran back to it and she tried to grab me.

Anyway, I got home she said sorry and I went along with it because of Christmas etc and she spent the whole day playing the victim and is now creeping a bit. But I feel totally done.

What the hell so I do now?

ophiotaurus Tue 27-Dec-16 10:41:28

That's awful op. Did your dad try and stop any of it? She sounds very controlling.
Did you tell you dh what happened?

Donthate Tue 27-Dec-16 10:45:52

That's awful, has your dad said anything to you?

Therealloislane Tue 27-Dec-16 10:49:40

They're all abusive.

Do you leave your daughter with these people?

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 10:50:42

Thank you for replying.

He didn't do anything to physically stop it no. He's controlled by her too.

The only and I mean only reason I have haven't left my husband yet is because of my mother.

I've been so scared of telling her. I knew this would happen.

I did tell him, and then mum called him to ask if he'd heard from me and he apparently told her it was unacceptable and mustn't happen under any circumstance again.

But more than the physical side of things which are awful enough. She's so controlling of my life.

Her and df pay for my dd to go to a private school, that's been thrown back at me. As has everything else actually.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I'd rather not have anything from them if it's going to be used as a weapon.

Just after I got engaged she made me go nc with my biological father, I realise now that was because she didn't want him at the wedding because she was worried he'd be embarrassing.

I mentioned a year or so ago that I flirted with the idea of getting my nose pierced, she went ape shit.

She undermines me in front of dd constantly, it's caused many rows between us but I just give in. The aftermath of an argument with her just isn't worth it

category12 Tue 27-Dec-16 10:52:14

Was she pissed? Not that it makes it better, but just this level of behaviour I would expect to be fuelled by alcohol (or mental illness). Either way, I wouldn't be seeing much of any of them again, nor discussing my life with them at all either. I think you'd be best going low to no contact and working on your split with your dh outside their influence.

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 10:53:06

Donthate and Lois,

I do let them look after her, but not anymore.

I spoke to my df on Christmas Day (I even recorded the conversation secretly because he has form for back tracking when it comes to mum). And he just said "it's one of those things we need to never speak of again". I said "you're saying that because she controls everything and you're scared of the repercussions". He nodded so I confirmed the nodding verbally.

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 10:53:36

Category, she's teetotal.

mummytime Tue 27-Dec-16 10:53:57

You need to withdraw your DD from private school and send her to state school. They are perfectly fine.
The only reason your parents are funding is to control you.
And cut off contact with your parents.
Go to the Stately Homes thread and start to build support.
If your mother ever hits you again, phone the police!

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 10:55:27

I just don't know how to do all of this without there being such huge ripples on the whole family

flumpybear Tue 27-Dec-16 10:57:19

Back away from her. If they want to pay for schooling that's them helping your child, not you.
I'd have limited contact and I'd also be in touch with my real dad too!!

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles Tue 27-Dec-16 10:57:26

God she sounds like an abusive and controlling cow! You need to inform her that what she did was beyond unacceptable and if that ever ever happens again you will be pressing charges!

Leaving your husband is your decision not hers. I suggest if you want to tell her but don't want to do it then send them a letter to explain. Explain that the decision is yours not theirs. If they don't like it then tough. If they choose not to support you and withdraw financial support that is fine. If they would like to support you and discuss your decision (it will not change), in a calm and mature way you will do that.

Throw the situation back at her. Ask her is she saw you treat your DD in the same way would she be happy?

MsGameandWatch Tue 27-Dec-16 10:58:03

Christ on a bike how did you not hit her back? I would have wiped the floor with her angry.

You cannot have a relationship with this woman ever again. Violence will forever be a possibility and she'd never get near my child again.

myoriginal3 Tue 27-Dec-16 11:00:03

A wee visit from the police might settle her.

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 11:02:27

Flumpy, I think that's what I intend to do.

I haven't been angelic in anyway shape or form.
What I'm doing to my husband is unfair.
But he's a weak man and I feel he's let my parents treat me like this over the years.
I feel I've let my dd down too.

There's so much other stuff going on too between me and my husband. I should really call him my ex, I told him in August I no longer wanted to be with him.

Chocolate, I think writing a letter may help. I know my df has written his mother letters in the past.

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 11:03:54

I'm not going down the police route. I have to protect my db a bit. He has Aspergers and OCD and is already a bag of nerves because of this.

I didn't hit her back because I've never ever hit anyone.

I live my life trying to be everything she isn't

myoriginal3 Tue 27-Dec-16 11:05:37

Is she like this with your brother too?

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 11:06:12

She can be

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 11:07:15

Actually she once went to throw a shoe at him and I was sat with my dd on my lap on the floor (dd was about 18 months) and she missed and the shoe hit me on the top of the head. It missed dd by a couple of inches

myoriginal3 Tue 27-Dec-16 11:09:55

She needs a shock then.

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 11:12:06

She'll get one.

What she doesn't know is that I've met someone else. Husband knows, obviously not happy about it.
She has guessed though.

Flowersinyourhair Tue 27-Dec-16 11:12:54

How old is your child and where was she while all this was going on?

WienerDiva Tue 27-Dec-16 11:13:40

Dd is 6 and was at home with her dad

Flowersinyourhair Tue 27-Dec-16 11:19:42

Thanks for clarifying and glad to know she didn't have to witness that,
I was a bit unsure when you said that your mother had asked whether you had given your dd her dinner when you went out and that you hadn't then returned. Was your child with your mother then?

YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa Tue 27-Dec-16 11:22:40

She's creeping because she knows you have every right to go to the police.

Do you have any marks or bruising? ? If so get yourself down to the station, she needs to find out the hard way that behaving like an animal towards your daughter is NOT OK.

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