Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Signs of affair

(47 Posts)
Nicpem1982 Mon 26-Dec-16 21:07:09

I suspect a friend is having an affair.

She's been married for 6 years and had a dd. There have been some dramatic changes in some areas in her life and I'm wondering about the motivation.

She's recently started a new hobby and has a new friend (male) there and since this hobby started she has done the following;

changed her appearance dramatically dropped 4 dress sizes and started wearing make up and having her hair done

Started to stay out until midnight 4 night a week drinking with new friend her dh has their dd and when he's working away they have a babysitter

Been on 3 weekends away with said friend (hobby related business) and shared a double room

Went out for a celebration meal at swanky restaurant for her bday with friend

Friend went shopping and bought her pretty underwear and clothes

Had cosy night on the sofa with champers and take away and stayed the night

Friend says there's nothing going on and they're just friends and I'm reading too much into things problem is im friends with her dh too

OhStuffingBalls Mon 26-Dec-16 21:08:33

Sounds likely...but what has got it to do with you, really? Stay out of t.

Nicpem1982 Mon 26-Dec-16 21:09:24

Well she's told me all this and as I said I'm friends with her dh to so I'm in a difficult situation

fruitbats Mon 26-Dec-16 21:12:17

You're not in difficult position. It's nothing to do with you

Nicpem1982 Mon 26-Dec-16 21:13:47

But when it comes out as these things inevitably do, I'll lose her dh as a mate because I didn't tell him

fruitbats Mon 26-Dec-16 21:15:14

There is nothing to tell. You're just making assumptions.

AnyFucker Mon 26-Dec-16 21:15:15

I would ask her and not accept any obvious lies.

lifeissweet Mon 26-Dec-16 21:15:39

But she hasn't told you she's having an affair - and you are in here asking whether she is - so you don't know anything and you aren't keeping anything from her DH.

So I would try to keep it that way.

Crispsheets Mon 26-Dec-16 21:15:43

Mind your own business

Nicpem1982 Mon 26-Dec-16 21:20:32

As in my op

Friend says there's nothing going on and they're just friends and I'm reading too much into things.

I did ask her as part of conversation and she stated the above the problem is I don't believe her.

And based on the info she's given me would u?

danTDM Mon 26-Dec-16 21:22:32

What business is it of yours? Keep out of it.

Believeitornot Mon 26-Dec-16 21:22:45

Just leave it. Keep out of it. If you don't know for sure then you don't know. And the last thing you do is say to the DH that you had suspicions if it comes out.

TaliDiNozzo Mon 26-Dec-16 21:27:35

I can understand the concern you have as a friend but this really isn't any of your business.

Nicpem1982 Mon 26-Dec-16 21:27:48

The thing is dan when people start to tell you the ins and outs of their life it kinda makes it your business I'd have been happy to have not been told this information

lifeissweet Mon 26-Dec-16 21:30:15

I think that, as you've asked and she has answered, all you can do is let her know that you would thoroughly disapprove if she was having an affair and that you think her friendship seems a bit inappropriate to you.

And then you have to leave it.

It would be different if she was confiding in you and expecting you to keep her secrets, but she isn't.

fruitbats Mon 26-Dec-16 21:33:46

Well her DH must have noticed the weight loss/make up. He knows she goes out till midnight as he does the babysitting. If he is happy with things, it is no-one else's business.

RebelRogue Mon 26-Dec-16 21:40:17

Does her DH have a problem with this?
What would you do if you knew for sure?
Truth is it is none of your business,and your worry you'll lose her dh as friend is rather weird.

sansoucitherednosedcariboo Mon 26-Dec-16 21:53:10

Mind your own business. Interfering will only bring unhappiness, doubt, suspicion and possibly destroy a marriage. Go find something else to do with your time.

Cricrichan Mon 26-Dec-16 21:55:32

?

Her husband will know all this. As long as they're both happy, I don't get the problem.

If you do find something untoward, then you can decide whether you want to tell him.

RebelRogue Mon 26-Dec-16 22:04:30

Do you fancy the husband OP?

SherlockStones Mon 26-Dec-16 22:40:55

If it was the OP's friends husband that was behaving like this I do wonder whether the vast majority of replies in this thread would be the same.

Lilacpink40 Mon 26-Dec-16 22:44:07

The DH must have noticed the changes himself and why didn't he question the shared bed?

SloanyAnne Mon 26-Dec-16 22:44:34

Just ask her straight what her DH thinks about all of this. If she tells you he knows nothing/not all of what she's told you, tell her you don't want to know anything her DH doesn't know as he's a mate and the lying makes you uncomfortable. Easy.

Bluntness100 Mon 26-Dec-16 22:45:21

You haven't been told anything other than they are friends, so all you could say is they are friends. You can't make up crap like you know it for a fact then tell her husband.

Are you in some way jealous of her? Do you not really like her? Something is seriously adrift if uoure thinking of telling her husband something that will devastate their marriage that you have absolutely no clue whether it's just your imagination.

There is a child involved here, stay out.

galaxygirl45 Mon 26-Dec-16 22:57:52

I've been in a very similar situation and tbh, I'd back the hell off. When my friends affair did eventually come out, I was glad to be able to say I knew nothing about it, and that way no one can blame you for not saying anything. The devastation that happened when my friend's DH found out was truly truly awful and the people that suffered the most were her kids. People get very caught up in affairs and stop thinking rationally. You really can't help her, so don't even try.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now