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My brother who I don't speak to had a heart attack and is in hospital. Do I go to see him?

(182 Posts)
PicnicBunny Mon 26-Dec-16 20:39:07

I left home when I was 16. My Mother and Brother and family were pretty strict religious and traditional family. I was not a bad kid, got straight As and planned to go to Uni. Being muslim, this was going to be a no no... I left when my brother who was 10 years older than me beat me up many times, and finally till I was unconscious. I left home. Went through university, got my life together and 22 years later... here it is. My cousin told me he is in hospital, and I have no idea what to do. Family... has he changed... when we were much younger, there were times before the fights when I adored him as an older brother. hmmm have been thinking about this all day. I found out this morning. To make matters worse, my husband is having a go at me to go and see him.

Crispsheets Mon 26-Dec-16 20:41:13

I wouldn't.
He beat you up? Fuck that.

IamNotDarling Mon 26-Dec-16 20:41:45

Nope. Fuck him.

Shylo Mon 26-Dec-16 20:42:13

No, I wouldn't ...... why go? This man beat you into unconsciousness! Why on earth do people think you should see him because he is unwell

CauliflowerSqueeze Mon 26-Dec-16 20:42:25

Nope.

kilmuir Mon 26-Dec-16 20:43:19

No

ohfourfoxache Mon 26-Dec-16 20:44:29

No

Hoppinggreen Mon 26-Dec-16 20:44:39

Nope
I am nc with my brother. I totally adored him too when I was younger and didn't know any better.
Don't go and your husband should be supporting you

calzone Mon 26-Dec-16 20:45:01

Not in a million years would I go.

Libitina Mon 26-Dec-16 20:45:13

Do you want to go and see him? Would you regret not going if the worst happened?

Go if you want to. Not if your family think you should go.

LegoCaltrops Mon 26-Dec-16 20:45:38

No. His being ill doesn't change the fact that he could have killed you. What do you imagine you would say to each other?

Littlefish Mon 26-Dec-16 20:47:04

No. His views about you are unlikely to have changed.

LeopardPrintSocks1 Mon 26-Dec-16 20:47:47

Why we going to university a no no for you as a Muslim? All my friends gate uni were Muslim women.

And no, don't see him.

ChocoChou Mon 26-Dec-16 20:47:56

I'm going against the grain here and would say go. Go and see him in a vulnerable state.
If he passes you will never regret not going.

It's terrible what he did to you it really is but for own peace of mind I would want to see him to say goodbye, give him a chance to apologise.

But I would understand completely why you wouldn't though. A terrible predicament, I feel for you flowers

cheekyfunkymonkey Mon 26-Dec-16 20:48:09

Why is your husband pressurising you to go? Surely he should be supporting you whatever you decide fconfused

JerryFerry Mon 26-Dec-16 20:48:25

NO

You've already been bullied by your family. You escaped, built a life (bloody well done). - don't let them bully you again!

inlectorecumbit Mon 26-Dec-16 20:48:43

Nope flowers

PicnicBunny Mon 26-Dec-16 20:48:48

Ok, You are right. My husband had me confused. He thinks my brother tried to apologise a few times over the years, but I am too 'stubborn'. You are echoing how I feel in my heart. To be honest, it has been so long, I hardly even know who he is now.

LimpidPools Mon 26-Dec-16 20:49:23

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Do YOU want to go and see him? (Him as you know him, not the brother you wish you had.)

Also, is he actually on his deathbed or not?
What happens if you go and see him, he's still an abusive arse to you and then he doesn't die?

LimpidPools Mon 26-Dec-16 20:50:30

Took ages and was blunt, sorry.

Sounds like you're secure in the decision you made many years ago.

Good luck with everything.

HecAteAllTheXmasPud Mon 26-Dec-16 20:50:54

Has his heart attack 'unhappened' his repeated brutal assaults on you?
No.
Screw him.
And bollocks to your husband too. What kind of man can have a go at the woman he is supposed to love because she wont play happy families with someone who repeatedly beat her?
Something fucking wrong with him.

Amandahugandkisses Mon 26-Dec-16 20:51:25

Follow your heart.

HecAteAllTheXmasPud Mon 26-Dec-16 20:52:49

Stubborn?
That's how your husband sees your refusal to welcome back into your life the brother who beat you unconscious?

Cricrichan Mon 26-Dec-16 21:00:38

He beat you until you were unconscious. I can't imagine what what would take and how a brother could do that to his younger sister.

Don't go and see him. You don't owe him anything and your husband shouldn't want to expose you to that. If he's a loving husband, I can only think that he doesn't want you to have any regrets .

Illstartexercisingtomorrow Mon 26-Dec-16 21:08:40

I would say no.

Unless you feel that going would give you a level of closure?

Btw - they didn't not want you to go to uni bcos they were Muslim (even tho I'm sure they said that). They were just utter utter c*nts who used a religion as an excuse to beat you and control you.

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