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He's been watching porn

(20 Posts)
Squashberry Mon 26-Dec-16 02:21:41

I've got a feeling I'm going be told "so what?", "most people do" as a response, but I'm really upset. Posted a few weeks ago as DP got really funny paranoid that I was going to look through his Internet history when I asked to use his phone to play a song, despite the fact I've never gone through his internet history before. Anyway we're not in a relationship right now but living together. He's been saying he still has hope things will work (after months of things being completely miserable) then next minute things are crap again, sick of being messed about . I slept with him yesterday, first time in ages as we haven't even been sharing a bed. He was talking dirty but saying things he never normally would, now I know where he's got it from. Reanacting what he's been watching obviously. He's told me he's been masturbating on my front room sofa to porn. Im so angry, if he'd just told me in the first place, honestly I'd have been upset, but now I'm really angry too. Why deny it, why sleep with me... I feel so used and stupid right now. If he's taken this long to tell me something stupid like porn what else is he doing. He's technically single I guess but to make me believe we are okay just so he can copy his porn on me when I haven't had so much as a hug in weeks.

pregnantat50 Mon 26-Dec-16 02:27:53

i think the clue here is that you are not in a relationship right now but hope things will work. He is using the porn to get rid of his urges. He probably didnt tell you as he knew you would be upset. It wouldnt be a big deal to me, but if it is to you then your reaction is understanderble. Is there something in the relationship you enjoy, like etc (more than sex I mean) if so work through this, if not maybe its time to call it a day and move on x

Squashberry Mon 26-Dec-16 02:52:07

We both know things wont work out. Too much has been said and done etc. I know he only says it to shut me up. I even commented on him possibly meeting someone else, getting into a relationship in the near future, he didn't comment against that idea. He would have if it wasn't the case. It was stupid of me to sleep with him. It was nice pretending for a little while I still meant something. I'm really upset about the porn though. Had he been honest about it in the first place it wouldn't be such a big deal. He swore blind he hadn't been doing anything like that.... on the sofa of all places sad angry

BitOfFun Mon 26-Dec-16 02:52:31

I'm not going to tell you you are over-reacting. I couldn't respect a man who enjoyed porn in this day and age, when it's common knowledge how abusive it is. Kick him out, he's a creep.

pregnantat50 Mon 26-Dec-16 03:06:12

I dont think it is good for you to continue living with him to be honest. I would ask him to leave if its your place and if not, I would find somewhere else and move out. Make a new start for yourself in 2017

Squashberry Mon 26-Dec-16 03:29:44

We have nowhere to go and cant afford to move. If he leaves I won't be able to afford to pay for here. If it was just me on my own I'd leave, I'd have left a long time ago.

876TaylorMade Mon 26-Dec-16 04:04:48

So in the mean time if he gets horny what's he supposed to do?

You're not in a relationship... he hasn't found someone new.

Do you live in a one bed?

Is it the fact he's masturbating on the sofa and using porn?

If you know the relationship is over, why sleep with him?

You both need to move out.

Squashberry Mon 26-Dec-16 04:18:32

I don't know. He's been sleeping on (brand new very comfortable) sofa.

Makes me feel sick he's been doing it on there. I'm most upset because he's lied about it. The other day he was supposed to be watching a family film with us. He was sat with us but on his laptop watching bbc sports or something and lots of porn pops ups were coming up. So I said to him, bit bizarre, not the kind of pops ups you'd get from a website like that, looks like he's been on those website and its left cookies and he made me feel so stupid for suggesting that. But it was true.

We'd never even watched porn as a couple. I would never be getting horny over porn and masturbating knowing my ex who is hurting is under the same roof-out of repsect. Especially on the sofa. I wouldn't be going on porn and lying about it. I wouldn't be going on porn then telling someone you still care about them and messing with their head. Always thought we were on the same page about stuff like that. And by the sounds of it, it was before we properly ended things.

AnxietySertraline Mon 26-Dec-16 08:57:28

Sorry but it is just porn - nothing more...

Kr1stina Mon 26-Dec-16 09:17:33

Do you have kids together ?

AnyFucker Mon 26-Dec-16 09:20:13

Find somewhere else to live, this isn't working.

dworky Mon 26-Dec-16 09:28:49

Just porn? The degradation & abuse of women is what it is & 'being horny' is no excuse.

Squashberry Tue 27-Dec-16 14:31:25

The way that I see it is he was pleasuring himself because he was aroused by someone else and this happened because he looked for that.

caperboo Tue 27-Dec-16 14:39:26

To be fair , he's only human and I would be a liar if I sat here and said my husband wouldn't use porn, he probably does , it wouldn't and doesn't bother me , I think your over reacting about the porn , because this man means a lot to you , and maybe subconsciously you were hoping it could be mended , otherwise why else sleep with him,
Has he or you got family either one could stay with , seems to me the best way forward

SheldonsSpot Tue 27-Dec-16 14:42:36

He is single, he can watch what he likes.

Move out, or tell him to move out.

Wonkydonkey44 Tue 27-Dec-16 14:51:07

Again I agree it's just porn. He isn't bringing women home for a work out on your sofa.
Sounds like it's time for him to move on out of your joint house x

NotTheFordType Tue 27-Dec-16 16:38:22

He's bloody single! Put the house on the market and move on, for fucks sake. And please be upfront with yr next partner that you need them to be 100% practised at pretending they don't look at porn. Your end of the bargain is that you'll pretend to believe him, and won't go looking for evidence to the contrary. Right?

Kr1stina Tue 27-Dec-16 18:36:19

Or she could find a man who doesn't use porn .

jeaux90 Tue 27-Dec-16 21:25:21

I'm not sure whether it's the porn or the masturbating the OP is more pissed off about! If it's porn ok everyone has their own opinion on that but to say he shouldn't have been having a wank is very weird in or out of a relationship!

Either way you guys need to not be living together

Happybunny19 Tue 27-Dec-16 21:59:25

I think she means if he was wanking while thinking about her it would be ok, but not while watching a random stranger banging another random stranger - what a weird thread.

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