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Is anyone up - think dp is having breakdown don't know how to help

(17 Posts)
everythingis Sun 25-Dec-16 00:53:57

Just that

TheSilveryPussycat Sun 25-Dec-16 00:57:12

What behaviours lead you to conclude that?

everythingis Sun 25-Dec-16 01:01:32

He's had too much to drink. I thought this might happen at some point over Xmas but he was coping so well until this afternoon. He is going through something very upsetting and stressful just now. Too much to drink for dp is anything over 2 units! He gets very morose and upset. I took the drink off him couple of hours ago and made him coffee and I thought he was snapping out of it we even laughed about some stuff. Then he decided he would go and sit in the van and smoke - fine could be worse I thought he might go to bed but he came back in poured the last of the whisky - about one shot and went back out mumbling leave me alone.

We had one of these episodes mid November which actually was much worse but it's awful seeing him like this. I have had lots of sorry and I love you and cuddles then he goes back into despair and fighting tears

myfriendnoel Sun 25-Dec-16 01:14:46

Where is he now?
If you are concerned about his mental
Health go on your local authority web site and look up adult social work duty team phone number-they will
Answer and will be able to adidas on services in your area.
Christmas is often a nightmare for anyone suffering with mental health issues-hope you are all ok

everythingis Sun 25-Dec-16 01:54:23

I've been out. He switches between affectionate/vile/crying/having a go at me which is what happened eventually last time.
He did say 'I have to get this out before the dc come back tomorrow'

KinkyAfro Sun 25-Dec-16 07:54:10

When you say smoke, do you mean normal cigs or weed?

tribpot Sun 25-Dec-16 07:59:18

Are you sure he's not just drunk? I don't mean to be flippant but his behaviour sounds like a difficult drunk.

everythingis Sun 25-Dec-16 09:14:55

No just tobacco. He did come in eventually and bag around downstairs. I went down and bollocked him and he put himself to bed. So that episode is over. I suspect there will be another one between Xmas and new year

HeavenlyEyes Sun 25-Dec-16 09:41:53

Breakdown or a drunk who is vile? What makes you think it is a breakdown - has he seen a doctor?

Llareggub Sun 25-Dec-16 09:47:57

You sound at the end of your tether. Is this a relationship worth staying in? There are much easier ways to live than tip toeing around a drinker. I say this as someone who left her alcoholic husband four years ago. It's hard to see when you are in it that it isn't normal to live this way.

everythingis Sun 25-Dec-16 10:35:38

This is only second drinking episode in a year. Not an alcoholic by a long stretch just someone who can't seem to unload his emotions. Not drop feeding but if I w planned the stressor it outs us but I knew Xmas would be v difficult with someone missing.

He was doing so well this week. He finished work 2 days before me and had a rest, did all the shopping, cooked lovely meals for me and we really have had a romantic few days but 10 last night he just broke.

Today he's up and cooking breakfast while I walk the dog. He's v quiet but he will be back to normal by the time the kids get here.

everythingis Sun 25-Dec-16 10:36:59

Drinking facilitates the breakdown I reckon

NotTheFordType Sun 25-Dec-16 10:45:00

That sounds rough on both of you. Is he getting any help from the GP or other services? I know you don't want to say your situation but is there an end in sight - is the stressful situation going to be resolved with time, or does he need to take action to remove himself?

I hope you and your DC have a peaceful day.

everythingis Sun 25-Dec-16 10:47:07

There is a date set early Jan which may it may not resolve anything. The proximity of it is also causing issues I think. I think he needs a short programme of anti depressants but he won't want to do this - because it won't change reality

NotTheFordType Sun 25-Dec-16 10:55:01

hmm Yes and taking paracetamol doesn't change the reality that you've got a broken arm, but I bet he'd still do it!

Maybe once today is over you can have a gentle chat with him and explain how hard it is on you, unnecessarily, when he won't get help for himself.

TheSilveryPussycat Sun 25-Dec-16 13:14:13

That's the trouble with depression - it changes the perception of reality, and the sufferer thinks they are perceiving the "real" reality, iyswim.

A short course of ADs is indeed likely to help, it repairs the perception enough that it becomes easier to cope with reality.

everythingis Sun 25-Dec-16 19:59:21

Thanks everyone. He's not been 100% himself today but we had a nice day with the dc. Dr who and early night hopefully!

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