Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is it too late to go to police?

(10 Posts)
SangtheSun Sat 24-Dec-16 13:15:44

I'm a good way through divorcing my ex, decree nisi granted. Long marriage, 20 years, but we've been separated 2 years now.

He was violent to me until the last 6 or so years of the marriage, but even the the threat was there. I knew what he could do.

He'd slap me around the head, leaving cuts and bruises, punch my arms and legs, throw me around, push me to the ground, shake me by the neck of my clothing, hold a pillow over my face.

He was abusive and ontrolling in other ways too. For the first half of our marriage the violence I've described was very regular. We had Relate counselling who knew about the violence but didn't seem to think it was significant. He really charmed the counsellor and they'd actually gang up on me.
Once he got a job where a criminal record would disqualify him the violence stopped. Not the threats of it or the other abuse though.

I never went to the police at the time because I was too afraid and I did t think they'd take me seriously. I wasted to my ground down by this man, a shadow person.

I'm not sure if I would really do it now, but if I wanted to go to the police would they take me seriously? Or is it too late? I have no evidence. I don't think he should be able to terrorise me for so long g and possibly go on to terrorise others.

YokoUhOh Sat 24-Dec-16 13:20:15

Oh OP flowers

Yes, you can report it. If convicted, other women will be able to learn about his past violence (should they choose to find out).

Gardencentregroupie Sat 24-Dec-16 13:23:30

Truthfully, yes it is too late for any action to be taken. Without evidence of injuries the assaults would all be classed as common assault/battery, which has to result in a charge or summons within 6 months. The controlling behaviour would come under new legislation if it took place now, but the law isn't retrospective. The allegations would be logged and kept though, so it's not worthless in that respect. Sorry you went through all that. Best wishes for your future free of him flowers

SangtheSun Sat 24-Dec-16 13:40:11

Oh. Well I guess I know now.
It's taken this long not to feel too afraid of him and now it's too late.

I'll put all my energy into my new life.

Cherrysoup Sat 24-Dec-16 14:05:50

Please do it, you might save someone else from this nasty shit.

SangtheSun Sat 24-Dec-16 14:13:22

I'll talk to one of our local police in the new year, but it sounds like Gardencentregroupie knows what they're talking about.

Gardencentregroupie Sat 24-Dec-16 16:43:16

Meant to say though if there was any sexual element to the assaults, sexual assault isn't subject to the same time limits so could still be prosecuted.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 24-Dec-16 16:47:53

Go to the police. Maybe it will help someone else. Maybe. Evem if it doesn't, even if they do nothing, it will help your mental health to know you've done it.

It also means that if he ever threatened you again and you recorded and reported it, you would be taken more seriously.

MrCreosote Wed 28-Dec-16 00:14:14

As an ex police officer, it is NOT too late to go to the police.

It would have been much easier if you had photographic evidence but, any abuse, physically or mentally, has too be taken seriously now.

Laws have been changed to protect vulnerable women, and men from any abuse.

SangtheSun Fri 30-Dec-16 00:05:40

I'm still considering it. There was some sexual stuff too, as you'd expect sadly. Also inappropriate behaviour involving a , now adult, minor.
I'm using the term inappropriate because I don't know how else to describe it. I only found out about that in the last year.
I think I need to talk to the police and go from there

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now