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Husband just said....

(35 Posts)
troubledsoul2016 Sat 24-Dec-16 11:09:36

"He'd rather spend Christmas alone than with me".... it really hurts. We've not been getting on for some time, but I'd never say that to him, I guess that's where we're different. I'm so upset sad

Applesauce29 Sat 24-Dec-16 11:11:37

Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Is there anyone else you're spending Christmas with?

Happybunny19 Sat 24-Dec-16 11:11:58

I'm not surprised you're upset, anyone would be following that outburst. What did it follow? I assume you were having words for him to come out with that little gem.

Do you have dcs together?

troubledsoul2016 Sat 24-Dec-16 11:15:11

Yes we're actually going away for Christmas with my brother and his wife. We've not been getting on all year and this morning it was over something very petty - just today's plans of when we're leaving etc. I was gobsmacked and now have to go away pretending everything is rosy!! It was so hurtful... I feel very fed up now

troubledsoul2016 Sat 24-Dec-16 11:15:27

No DC together

Merriment Sat 24-Dec-16 11:16:46

I'd leave him and go alone.

sorryIam Sat 24-Dec-16 11:17:22

I think you need to stay at home an plan your future without him.

oleoleoleole Sat 24-Dec-16 11:18:19

Tell him next year and every year after that he will be!

gamerchick Sat 24-Dec-16 11:18:24

Id be leaving him at home. There's no way I could shrug that off.

sorryIam Sat 24-Dec-16 11:18:31

Sorry just re read its your brother, leave him at home an u go alone. Horrible comment to make.

StoorieHoose Sat 24-Dec-16 11:19:04

Yep make him stay at home and you go and have Christmas with your brother

ChuckSnowballs Sat 24-Dec-16 11:19:29

Definitely go alone. Who needs that shit in their lives?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 24-Dec-16 11:20:39

Why would you pretend everything is rosy? He stays home. You go off for Christmas and let your family know about the impending divorce.

MadeForThis Sat 24-Dec-16 11:20:57

Tell him to stay home alone. You'll have a better time without him

troubledsoul2016 Sat 24-Dec-16 11:26:26

I really want my marriage to work and I wouldn't be happy going knowing I'd left him
behind. I've had a year of pretending everything is rosy but it's really draining. Thank you all for reading and replying, i know what you're saying and I'd advise the same from the outside. I guess I don't feel
I have that strength of will currently to say, "see ya, I'm off!"

peanut2017 Sat 24-Dec-16 11:29:35

Sorry to hear this OP not as easy as just saying 'see ya later' - can you try and have a conversation and just agree to be civil over Christmas & then have a serious all when it's over about your future.

Joysmum Sat 24-Dec-16 11:34:35

Pretending everything is ok doesn't fix a marriage, it makes it worse.

I guess you need to ask him whether he wants to fix things? If he does then go together, if he doesn't then go away by yourself as you can't try enough for both of you.

JeepersMcoy Sat 24-Dec-16 11:40:04

You want your marriage to work and that is understandable. You have been trying for a year though, and now seems like a good time to think about how much longer you are prepared to live like this. A few days apart for both of you to think what you want might be what you need.

DeepanKrispanEven Sat 24-Dec-16 11:48:20

Why worry about leaving him behind? He's told you it's what he prefers.

FetchezLaVache Sat 24-Dec-16 11:57:36

Call the fucker's bluff. There's still time for him to buy food in if he really means it. Why should he expect to make such a hurtful comment and not be called on it?

PberryT Sat 24-Dec-16 12:10:53

Go without the gwat
You'll have a much better time.

Hillfarmer Sat 24-Dec-16 12:15:55

Yes, take him at his word and go off and get some TLC with your family. It will be much nicer.

ijustwannadance Sat 24-Dec-16 12:19:36

If it hasn't been right for a year how long are you going to keep trying? It's just more of your life to spend being unhappy.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt Sat 24-Dec-16 12:26:56

Do you think he really, really deep down means it?

I know you want your marriage to work, but you can't make that happen on your own. He has to want it too. If he's checked out then it's going to be a very miserable Christmas and I too think you'd be better going to your brother's alone and having some time to think with people around you who love you.

HecAteAllTheXmasPud Sat 24-Dec-16 12:30:11

a marriage can't work if only one of the parties wants it to.

that was a very cruel thing he said to that and if that's how he feels - you have no marriage.

pretending you're in one when the other person thinks that way about you is more lonely than divorce could ever be.

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