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How to leave a LTR?

(5 Posts)
cryingallday Fri 23-Dec-16 22:26:31

I've posted in Alcohol Support before but NC for this.

I'll be brief.

DP and me together 3 years. He is an alcoholic and I've had enough. Too much stress with his alcoholism + his failing business + a third trimester loss of our baby earlier this year. The sadness and pain of losing a baby so late in pregnancy is beyond words. We have sold our house and car to make ends meet to keep his business afloat. I just pray and wish for him to pull something out of the bag and for us to be financial stable again but nothing is guaranteed in life.

So basically: financial stress, baby loss stress, and alcoholism stress. Is it too much for one relationship to handle?

I want to leave but we share Ddog together who I don't want to rehome, he was my best friend during my grieving period. Dog daycare is £500 a month and I won't be able to pay that on my own.

I don't work so will need to find a job. Will also be sad to say goodbye to DSS (11) who we have every second weekend.

I'm 30, DP mid. 40s.

How do I even begin to broach the subject of splitting? I'm scared he will just storm off mid-conversation and run to a bar and then probably top himself or at least threaten to top himself ( he has done this before).

It will take me a while to find a full time job. Do I ask him for money to help me out? What if he says no? I have no family in the U.K. to help me or many very close friends whose sofa I can crash on for a few nights.

Please help me. I don't even know where to begin. I just know I'm unhappy and I don't think I love him anymore.

We were also meant to be TTC for another child so saying I no longer want to TTC will be part of the conversation, obviously.

cryingallday Fri 23-Dec-16 23:01:14


lorelairoryemily Fri 23-Dec-16 23:08:32

Didn't want to read and run, I'm so sorry for your loss, it's unimaginable, I wish I had some advice for you

binkiesandpopcorns Sat 24-Dec-16 00:40:40

No experience of this but im guessing you can only do this a step at a time. Not TTC. Finding a job. Dogwalker once in middle of day would prob be a lot cheaper than all day care. It will probably not be easy but it must be better in the long term than living with an alcoholic. Hope you can find a way

Ineedstrength Sat 24-Dec-16 01:35:49

Please dont do what I did and wait 10 years before you find strength to leave, please find a way. I'm in a similar situation in that I also have dsc involved and my beloved pets. But I have been driven to the edge of a breakdown with all the emotional abuse, drinking, suicide threats. I'm moving into a flat in January and have to leave my pets behind at leaSt for the moment. But it's the right thing to do as I'm going to go mad otherwise. I'm so terriblyou sorry to hear about your loss, even more reason for you to get away and get your head together without having to deal with him.
I'm currently sitting at home wacting for almost exclusively dp to come in (or not- he's gone awol), and the stress and anxiety is excruciating.

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