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My daughter's Father is mentally abusing her, worse still his new partner is assisting him

(12 Posts)
SWD75 Fri 23-Dec-16 20:30:34

I threw my ex out in February after I discovered he was having an affair, since that time our DD has chosen not to have any contact with him.
He has behaved in the most appalling manner towards her, he and his lovely new woman booked themselves onto the same flights as my DD and I back in June, totally ruining our holiday, they have sent her vile text messages, he has broken into our home, refuses to pay child maintenance and his half of the mortgage. He even refused to allow DD to attend her own Grandfather's funeral. Recently he has blocked her from his phone! A cause of much distress to her as she wanted to tell him to back off harassing her.
Yesterday she reluctantly picked up a call from him, again he was trying to get her to meet up with him and the new partner, DD has told him she is happy to met him but not the partner, ex cannot and will not accept this.
Today she received her Xmas card from him, not a to my darling daughter card, oh no, but he signed it love from him and her. This really upset DD, almost as much as the enclosed Xmas present, a lottery scratch card. Then just to rub salt in the wounds ex and new partner both updated their Facebook profile pics, which show them all loved up, he text the picture to our daughter. DD is only 17, I just find their behaviour callous beyond belief, it is a form of mental abuse, this other woman has a daughter the same age, even she has sent abusive texts to my DD. What to do, I have a court order to prevent contact but the police just refuse to do anything about him! Am I overreacting?

LauraPalmersBodybag Fri 23-Dec-16 20:42:43

Jesus. I'm sorry OP, what a foul man. The police probably can't do much as I imagine these things are quite minor in the eyes of law (happy to be corrected on that if anyone know better though).

My father is pretty abusive, it took me until I was 30 to do much about it though....best advice is cut him out of the picture. Change her phone number, cut off contact, ignore any behaviour directed at her, just put up a huge wall against him.

Your poor DD must be so sad and disappointed in him. Look after her and let her lick her wounds.

Molly333 Sat 24-Dec-16 06:19:14

Umm sound like my ex . Disengage is my advice , cut ties and delete numbers. We did this and it's amazing how free we all now feel !

Hissy Sat 24-Dec-16 08:29:39

I agree, call the phone network, they'll change the number for free

With her permission, do this and also open any post she receives from them

Delete and block them from Facebook

She's almost an adult, can woman's aid advise her how to navigate this?

She has to be strong and boot them out of her life.

NotStoppedAllDay Sat 24-Dec-16 08:40:55

Why has she got them all on Facebook?

Take that and the phone number out of the equation and majority of it will stop

NewNNfor2017 Sat 24-Dec-16 08:46:24

There are a lot of contradictions in your post.

Your DD refuses to have anything to do with him but is distressed because he's blocked her on his phone, and she answered a call from him. She (or you) are aware of his FB updates and she's upset about the type of card and gift he sends.

It's all very raw but you and she need to disengage.

0dfod Sat 24-Dec-16 10:41:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girlelephant Sat 24-Dec-16 10:45:44

Agree with PPs he sounds horrendous! She needs to block all electronic contact from him and anyone associated with him

SWD75 Tue 27-Dec-16 21:22:08

You are right, it is contradictory, but DD is his youngest child, he has two sons from a previous marriage, and she would like to keep in touch with him, they were very close, but what he cannot understand is that she wants nothing to do with this OW.
It is still so raw, why thrust this OW on her? If he loves his daughter he would just accept her views and see her, but he won't. The OW called me on Xmas Eve to tell me to back off alienating his daughter against him, nothing could be further from the truth, I just hung up without saying anything. I cannot help wondering if in fact it is the OW who is causing the problems, just accept the fact that at this time my DD wants nothing to do with her, patience is a great virtue, at some point she may come around but just at this time she doesn't want anything to do with her, who is the adult?

NewNNfor2017 Tue 27-Dec-16 21:53:18

The OW called me on Xmas Eve to tell me to back off alienating his daughter against him,
How did OW get your number? Change it, prevent her having any way of contacting you.

RacoonBandit Tue 27-Dec-16 22:02:05

You do not need to go to court she is 17. Delete and block as pp have said.

movpov Tue 27-Dec-16 23:18:20

If there is already a court order preventing contact and he's still sending vile text messages then he's breaking the terms of the order and his behaviour is constituting harassment and the police should be able to take action. The texts from the OW daughter are also harassment. I would get the police involved and keep every text, email etc as evidence. If you don't want to do that then she needs to simply block him on everything - but I'm wondering why she would be happy to meet him? Even if it is the OW causing the problem, he's going along with it and allowing it to happen which makes him just as bad. He sounds vile and the OW sounds unhinged

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