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FWB Christmas present

(18 Posts)
bandmum Fri 23-Dec-16 17:06:07

Been in FWB relationship about 7 months. His wife left him Feb, he is not ready to start dating properly yet. I have been single on and off for 15 years. We are old uni friends I know we wouldn't work as a couple. Speak online 2x week meet for coffee/pint fortnightly, dtd maybe 2 out of 3 times we meet. No contact with each pthers teenage kids.We met Tues 13th, had previously discussed this would be the last time we would see each other before Christmas. I gave him a bottle of his favourite tipple. He had nothing for me, just said 'oh you shouldn't have.' I had expected him to pop in with a little something in the last day days but not even a card. We have chatted as usual over the last week. He has gone to his parents today. AIBU to have expected a small gift given the nature of our relationship.

Kittenrush Fri 23-Dec-16 17:10:52

I'm sure lots of people will come along and tell you you're way more emotionally invested than you're letting on because your upset about not getting a gift but I would be upset. It isn't just about the B side of the FWB. It's the F that's important here. I'd be a little upset that he hadn't thought about me at Christmas but I guess don't give to receive and all that.

Charlie97 Fri 23-Dec-16 17:13:24

Not unreasonable! As previous PP said it's the F in the FWB that means you deserve at the very least a card.

I think he's out of order!

InfoFreako Fri 23-Dec-16 17:17:07

Something you'll have to move on from!

Cheers.

Clara81 Fri 23-Dec-16 17:21:52

Hmm. Maybe he thought giving you a gift might give you 'the wrong idea'?

Figure17a Fri 23-Dec-16 17:36:30

I don't know. Would he get his other friends a gift? It seems usual for women friends to give each other gifts, but not so much for men.

So, whilst it seemed right for you to give this "friend" a present, it wouldn't have been usual for him to do the same for you - would have made you more than friends IYSWIM. And you're not, are you?

Ellisandra Fri 23-Dec-16 18:47:39

I'm not giving a single one of my friends a present - whether I've having sex with them or not!

Do you think he's given any of his friends a present?

I doubt it - don't most people buy only for family?

I agree with the poster who says take the B out of FWB. But have a different conclusion: that means you're a friend and I really expect he bought no friends a present.

If you want some kind of special treatment, then this FWB situation isn't the one for you.

Which other friends did you buy for?

bandmum Fri 23-Dec-16 19:18:24

I buy for my 2 dcs my mum my 3 neices and 2 closest female friends. So yes I do buy for friends but taking on board pps I guess most men don't.

DeepAndCrispAndEvenTheWind Fri 23-Dec-16 19:25:31

Did he give you a card or present back when you were just F?

DeepAndCrispAndEvenTheWind Fri 23-Dec-16 19:26:09

And I don't buy for any friends, though a few DCs of friends I do!

bandmum Fri 23-Dec-16 19:27:58

I got a card off him and his wife previously, but obviously I wasn't talking to him twice a week or meeting him for coffee when he was married.

m17362772 Fri 23-Dec-16 19:31:40

Men don't buy presents for friends in most cases and that what you are.

TheNaze73 Fri 23-Dec-16 19:36:36

I agree, men don't as a rule by presents for friends

FudgeBiscuits Fri 23-Dec-16 19:44:57

Not being funny love but you're only shagging. You're not in a relationship.

DeepAndCrispAndEvenTheWind Fri 23-Dec-16 20:11:45

And do you think he wrote the cards, or his wife?

DH sends no cards, so his friends don't get Cards. Our mutual friends do because I do them.

Ellisandra Fri 23-Dec-16 20:16:38

So, he's got no history of sending you a present as a friend. Only a card and almost certainly actually from him wife.
And you have only bought for your two best friends.
Do you think he sees you as one of his best friends?
I think possibly not - the frequency of your meetings isn't driven by friendship, it's driven by sex.
And even if he does see you as a really good friend, he most likely doesn't buy for friends.
I think you need to check yourself whether you're truly happy with FWB.

DeepAndCrispAndEvenTheWind Fri 23-Dec-16 20:42:26

Mind, if a friend got me a gift and j was seeing him/her again before Xmas, I probably would get something, to be polite!

bandmum Fri 23-Dec-16 20:43:08

I am happy to accept men don't buy gifts for friends and probably don't send cards unless prompted by their wife.

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