Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What do you do if you think someone is being abused?

(18 Posts)
playmobilpeacock Fri 23-Dec-16 16:47:12

I have a new friend who I'm worried about.

I don't want to go into details but I have reason to believe her husband is emotionally abusive, perhaps physically too.

What can I do? I don't know her that well and I don't want to put her on the spot.

It's so sad to hear her talk and I just want to give her a hug sad

lovelearning Fri 23-Dec-16 16:50:01

What can I do?

Be there for her.

ScruffyTheJanitor Fri 23-Dec-16 16:51:45

Be there for her and simply say,
"He sounds abusive to me"

you may find its crossed her moind and she then asks you to clarify.

playmobilpeacock Fri 23-Dec-16 17:02:47

It's not that she really says anything about her husband. More that she appears very sad and downtrodden.

I've never met anyone so utterly down on themselves. It's as if someone is behind her pouring in nasty words.

Millymollymanatee Fri 23-Dec-16 17:10:38

Post a Women's Aid leaflet through her letterbox.

playmobilpeacock Fri 23-Dec-16 17:12:54

That is potentially very dangerous Milly

If her husband saw it then she could be in trouble.

Millymollymanatee Fri 23-Dec-16 17:17:11

You make a valid point peacock however, I was thinking of all the junk mail that comes through our letter box and it could be just another flier.

Ditsyprint40 Fri 23-Dec-16 17:21:03

When she is talking about him, I agree with the Pp who advised saying something like 'he sounds abusive', or 'that isn't normal behaviour'.

JenLindleyShitMom Fri 23-Dec-16 17:21:35

Don't post anything through her letterbox. Is she on FB or twitter? Add her as a friend. You could share some things from women's aid/the police on your own profile and hope she sees them. I share stuff like that all the time so it would be be weird for that to pop up on her newsfeed as long as you don't tag her in anything.

JenLindleyShitMom Fri 23-Dec-16 17:23:03

But agree with being there for her. When she talks, just let her talk and if she asks what you think then try and gently say you think it sounds abusive and maybe she could call women's aid for their opinion.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 23-Dec-16 17:28:39

Why do you think it's her H rather than depression, or family stuff or anything else?

playmobilpeacock Fri 23-Dec-16 17:48:04

She's not on any social media.

I don't think it's depression for a
number of reasons. I have worked with people who are depressed but of course I could be wrong.

It's just comments about how useless she is and how things must be her fault, even when it's obviously not.

She makes passing comments about her husband and they are quite concerning. Things like he stops her doing things or reminds her that she's terrible at finishing projects so she shouldn't bother starting.

Lots of little things that just give me an uneasy feeling.

playmobilpeacock Fri 23-Dec-16 17:49:21

Wow , used the word things a lot there blush

I'm struggling to communicate this without giving away specific details.

Lovemusic33 Fri 23-Dec-16 18:00:31

Tough one, chances are if you said anything to her she would not take much notice. I think all you can do is be there for her when she needs you, chances are eventually she will realise what is happening, when you are in that kind of relationship it's not alway obvious to the victim that they are in a abusive relationship.

Just be there as a friend send be ready to help her if she makes the step to leave him.

lovelearning Fri 23-Dec-16 18:02:06

playmobilpeacock, she's lucky to have a friend like you.

Listen to her without judgement or criticism.

She'll open up when she's ready.

ImtheChristmasCarcass Fri 23-Dec-16 19:29:32

I think I'd start with "Is everything OK?". She'll either open up or say it's all fine. If the latter, just let it go. You can't force confidences but the fact that you asked might prompt her later on.

RebelRogue Fri 23-Dec-16 20:09:30

I'm in the same boat, i know for sure he is controlling and very sure he's emotionally abusing her too. I can't do more than talk to her,well more often listen. I know she's not ready to leave but we talked about what ifs and how would it work, benefits,entitlements etc so she has that knowledge. She does know that if things turn shit there's always room at mines for her and her little girl. Dunno what will happen and I can't make her leave,but I am here for her and making her aware of everything that would empower her her to leAve, ot the least how awesome she is.

EarlGreyT Fri 23-Dec-16 23:49:40

What lovelearning said.

Listen to her without judgement or criticism.

She'll open up when she's ready. And I agree she's lucky to have a friend like you. Just be patient, listen, ask a few non confrontational/non critical questions. She'll open up when she feels able, just be there for her.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: