My mother is a narcissist and we are not really in contact. My dad, who she still married to, has always had an odd relationship with me, and with the benefit of perspective, we only ever got on when my mum wasnt around. She seemed to play us off somehow but he would always take her part.
They are both elderly now, and Christmas brings up some weird stuff for me, if i allow myself to think about it.
I dont know why this is on my mind, but anyway. I did pretty well in my a levels, despite being desperately unhappy at home, mostly to do with my dad wanting to control me. On the day i got my results, and had my place confirmed at my first choice unuversity, my dad complained that i should stay in that night, and not go out with my friends to celebrate, and that he wanted me to drive him to the golf club so he could celebrate my success with his friends. He made me cry when i refused, and it put a dampner on the day.
I received a particular college honor while i was at uni, that was nationally recognised. He aaid i shoukd shut up talking aboyt it as it was like listening to a tape play over and over.
When i graduated i got a job, doing commission only sales, and did well, and bought a brand new car. When it was delivered, he insisted that he drove it to my uncles to show him.
When we got married he insisted that we got married at his golf club as he would get a good deal there when in hindsight it was all about him showing off.
It really is like i dont matter, yet on the face of it he is very proud. I dont get it. He seems to be always keeping a tally.
An old uni friend very kindly let us borrow their amazing house for a few weeks one summer, and i invited my family to stay. My dad tucked into their wine cellar and whilst i know my friends would not dream of asking for abything, i insisted that he replace what he had drank, because it was loads. He got reallu angry and said he didnt think he should have to as we were "doing them a favour by house sitting"!
i have bailed them out financially and always been there to listen to them both slag each other off, or when he would ring up drunk and cry down the phone.
He has very little idea about boundaries and if i refuse any request, no matter how oytrageous, he kicks off.
By boundaries, things like he and my mother had a row, and he wanted me to kick out my lodger as he wanted to stay "fir a few months" and called me a "selfish godless bitch" for not supporting him.
Yet other times he is a doting grandfather and father. I dont get it.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can anyone explain my dad's behaviour?
BinJuiceCocktail · 23/12/2016 14:18
Such a good description of my own FIL. His narcissism knows no bounds.
You may grieve at first, and contemplate endlessly what they have done to you
This is sort of where i am with my mum, Singingseal. I had kind if viewed my dad as collatoral damage because he always backs her no matter how vile she has been. I hadnt viewed him as being awful in his own right.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.