Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DP advice

(29 Posts)
Icky871 Thu 22-Dec-16 18:57:35

Posted on her previously white lied to DP about previous partner count .... he figured out it was more than I told him and said he doesn't want to know as he doesn't want to no the number and feel differently about me.... playing on my mind a bit .... should I just forget about it a move on and be happy? I said it was 8 but more like 13 x

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 22-Dec-16 19:03:14

Hmm. If he wanted to know the number then its really none of his business. The fact that he is now trying to 'shame' you about it is worrying frankly. Having been in a similar position, a long time ago, I would now refuse to get into a numbers game at the start.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 22-Dec-16 19:05:39

i don't have enough digits to count mone. Dp knows its a high number but he doesn't want to know

past is passed.

GinAndTeaForMe Thu 22-Dec-16 19:06:54

Whether it was 13 or 113, it's your body and none of his business. You do not owe an explanation to anyone, neither should you feel ashamed.

Joysmum Thu 22-Dec-16 19:08:22

Do people really count? I never have and DH and I have never talked about absolute numbers, just mentioned people in our past at various times.

Icky871 Thu 22-Dec-16 19:08:56

So I should not bring it up again? Just move on etc

Icky871 Thu 22-Dec-16 19:10:52

Move on as in don't bring it up again.... I do feel a bit crap but I know if I don't drop it I'll end up making something out of nothing x

Manamanaxmas Thu 22-Dec-16 19:11:11

Your life is your life, and no one else should judge you on it. DH and I both know each other's (he is nearly 50, single for most of his adult life, I am 40 and had great fun in my 20s). We both know we have both had lives before each other, and if you let your brain think too much it can make things weird. But guess what, we don't because we are adults who knew we had a .life before each other! Your DP is being a bit of a plank really. Have you asked him about his? DO told me about two things he did before us (nothing illegal but I was still shock ). It took me a while to get my head around but in the end, he didn't do these things when he was with me. OP is your other half insecure? No way should you feel guilty about anything

Joysmum Thu 22-Dec-16 19:12:00

I'd personally leave it for him to raise if he wants to, then you can call him on the weirdness of a need to count them at all.

In addition, I too think his attitude here could be a worrying sign so have your eyes wide open to spot other worrying behaviours and attitudes towards you, just in case.

LemonSqueezy0 Thu 22-Dec-16 19:12:38

He would feel differently about you, based on the number of sexual partners you had before your relationship even started?! hmm that's a very ignorant way for him to behave tbh. It's your body, your choice. He has no right to try to make you feel bad about it. At all.

RebelRogue Thu 22-Dec-16 19:13:41

What do you want from this?
For you to tell him the real number and him to accept it and who for who you are? He already told you it won't happen.
Tbh if number of previous partners makes a difference to how he sees you...you're not onto a winner there.

GinAndTeaForMe Thu 22-Dec-16 19:19:40

You don't need to bring it up again, no. If he asks again, tell him it's none of his business.

GinAndTeaForMe Thu 22-Dec-16 19:22:45

It really is not a big deal op. Don't worry yourself. If he ever found out you told a white lie, a reasonable person would be concerned as to why you felt you couldn't say the truth. He has nothing to be annoyed about. It has no effect on him personally, or your relationship. Move on flowers

Icky871 Thu 22-Dec-16 19:28:41

Thank you he does know that I lied about the number he just doesn't want to know what the number is hmm

Cricrichan Thu 22-Dec-16 19:31:54

What, so he's interrogating you? Tell him the real number if you want or tell him to mind his own business and if it bothers him, he can bigger off.

I've just counted mine , and I've only ever had long term relationships, lost my virginity quite late and I've slept with 7. I would imagine most of my friends will have slept with many more!

mumofthemonsters808 Thu 22-Dec-16 19:44:16

I find this type of thing very odd, bit sick to be honest, I can't see the point of full disclosure of past sexual encounters unless you're a teenager.Maybe it's to give the Husband Or Wife a false sense of security, "we know everything about each other " type couples, well my Oh doesn't know everything about me that's for sure and I really do doubt we know our partners as well as we think we do.

Cherrysoup Thu 22-Dec-16 19:50:24

I wouldn't raise it, this caused massive issues with my DH. He doesn't have the right to question you, as long as you have not picked up anything and you're not putting him at risk. What you did in the past makes you who you are and that's who he fell for.

Icky871 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:11:07

Cherry soup did you talk it out or just never speak about it again? I get what everyone's saying everyone has different relationships by the sounds of it and what works for some won't work for others. I do think may my husband is a bit insecure but I do try my best to let him know he means a lot etc

pipsqueak25 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:26:27

he sounds a bit insecure if he wants to know a number, perhaps you've had more experience than him, but at the end of the day it is your business the number is between yourself and you , nobody else. i would refuse to discuss it as it is not relevant in your relationship

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 22-Dec-16 21:43:14

It's obviously preying on your mind.

Why? Is it about you or him?

I'd feel weird about telling a deliberate lie to DH. I would feel compelled to tell him the truth. Personally, I'd just tell him the damn number.

How he reacts tells you a lot about him. Might as well find out sooner rather than later. Why not?

Tenshidarkangel Fri 23-Dec-16 11:23:32

What does the number of previous relate too? It means nothing. It's in the past. You can't change it. It's made you who you are.
Be happy, OP. You deserve it.

HouseworkIsASin10 Fri 23-Dec-16 11:26:36

How old are you? Sounds very teenage.

It is irrelevant how many partners, nobody's business but your own.

If my DP asked me I'd laugh in his face.

Icky871 Fri 23-Dec-16 11:29:55

30 years old have been with my husband for 5 years. Yes I know your right I think I just got my back up as I personally never had a problem until he said it would change his view maybe he said it in heat of argument x

Daisyfrumps Fri 23-Dec-16 11:45:43

Only a judgemental controlling woman-hating prick would say such a thing - heat of the moment or not.

It is absolutely none of his business, none whatsoever.

whattodowiththepoo Fri 23-Dec-16 11:50:06

Jesus, calm down daisy.

It's stupid that it would change the way he thinks of you unless it's the lying in the first place.
You should forget it and move on.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now