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Upset about Husband's Christmas present choice.

(160 Posts)
Mumofboys123 Thu 22-Dec-16 14:02:59

Hi all,

I know this is going to sound really ungrateful so I want to preface this by saying I am totally not an ungrateful person at all. I don't generally expect gifts or get upset over things such as this.

Basically my partner and I have had a really bad year. We've come close to splitting up because of his selfishness, porn problems and other issues.

Recently he started talking about this present he was going to get us to do together, something I would love. He also told my mum who was saying how amazing and thoughtful a gift it would be. A couple of days ago I opened up our computer and there were loads of tabs open looking at flights and hotels to Iceland, so I was really excited and touched he would be so thoughful.

He has always been very anti going to Iceland, despite it being one of my dream holiday destinations. I thought he was going to surprise me with this grand and totally unselfish gesture.

Anyway he text me earlier saying he had bought my present and I was so excited. Just now I logged into our joint email address and there was an email from a company saying he had bought some straighteners.

So now I know that Iceland isn't happening and instead he has bought me straighteners that I need because my previous ones are broken, but I can't help feeling gutted.

Like I said I am totally not a selfish person and I realise this post may come across as bratty. It's just that I built my expectation up to be getting something truly wonderful and thoughtful to make up for all the crap he's put us through as a couple this year and I cant help but feel gutted.

It's your own fault for deciding he was taking you to Iceland purely because you saw websites!

Underthemoonlight Thu 22-Dec-16 14:07:30

Atleast you acknowledge your being unfair some people don't even have enough food to have a full Christmas dinner and relie on food banks and donations of gifts for there kids

And you never know, there may be something else for you.

Mumofboys123 Thu 22-Dec-16 14:08:32

No he also alluded to it on several occasions, as well as telling family members who have also been alluding to it as well. I didn't just make my own assumptions based on the websites I saw.

EatSleepTeachRepeat Thu 22-Dec-16 14:09:54

Don't count your chickens before they've hatched is what my mother would say - you never know what he is planning. At least now you can perfect your "I-am-so-pleased-honest" face

SantaStoleMyStocking Thu 22-Dec-16 14:11:22

Straightenting your hair is something you're going to do together?!

Maybe it's an additional gift?! Decoy?

Maybe he WANTED to do iceland but couldn't afford it after looking at the prices.

Why would he send the confirmation to a joint email address anyway?! Does he think you'll not look?

Sorry. So many questions.

Didiusfalco Thu 22-Dec-16 14:12:35

It's not about the straighteners, it's about all the other crap he's put you through this year. You're waiting for him to prove that's he's worth your faith in him. How disappointing.

rollonthesummer Thu 22-Dec-16 14:14:50

How would that be a gift you can do together?!

Mumofboys123 Thu 22-Dec-16 14:15:26

Yes Didiusfalco, you've got the nail on the head. The last couple of days I have been so happy, thinking our relationship really means something to him. That he is actively trying to restore my faith in him and our relationship.

It's not about the straighteners, it's about thinking he was going to do something to improve our relationship and show me I'm special to him.

Mumofboys123 Thu 22-Dec-16 14:16:20

Rollonthesummer - I think he was going to book Iceland but changed his mind at the last minute. I know he has never wanted to go so perhaps that is the reason sad

Aeroflotgirl Thu 22-Dec-16 14:18:45

Wait, it could be a decoy to throw you off the scent. Wait and see what it is! I hope it is what you hope for.

Mumofboys123 Thu 22-Dec-16 14:23:00

Aeroflotgirl - I will but I very much doubt it. I've been slipping it into conversation with him, saying I'm excited for this gift we're doing together. Since I found the straighteners email he's been avoiding the conversation and trying to change the topic if I bring it up.

TheNaze73 Thu 22-Dec-16 14:32:47

I think this is all of your own doing

Newbrummie Thu 22-Dec-16 14:33:59

Book Iceland and go, life's too short, but your own present

Tenshidarkangel Thu 22-Dec-16 14:37:17

Are you sure it's not a decoy gift OP?
Why would he send email confirmation of a joint surprise holiday to your joint email where you could see it?

Gallavich Thu 22-Dec-16 14:40:09

Maybe the relationship has reached a natural end?

Bluntness100 Thu 22-Dec-16 14:40:41

In this instance as he's basically made a commitment, although clearly not specifically to Iceland, I'd just keep the pressure up, keep asking him for clues for your joint gift etc and how excited you are and delighted he is doing something for both of you.blah blah blah, I wouldn't let him off the hook here by not mentioning it.

He's probably had the email sent so it dampens your expectations so he doesn't have to.

RandomMess Thu 22-Dec-16 14:40:43


I know it doesn't make up for it but go to Iceland with someone that you'll have a great time with, he can pay for your share as part of a belated gift!!!

Mumofboys123 Thu 22-Dec-16 14:41:15

Tenshidarkangel - it could be, but I doubt it. He's never been someone who was spontaneous or thoughtful (as bad as that sounds), so I think the straighteners are it. Also he is quite conscious of money (even though we have quite a bit of disposable income at present, enough to afford a trip to Iceland and then some), so I can't see him buying me straighteners and taking us away sad

notaflyingmonkey Thu 22-Dec-16 14:41:50

I think your relationship can still mean something to him, regardless of whether you go to Iceland or not.

MistyMinge Thu 22-Dec-16 14:44:23

It could all be a massive decoy. Christmas hasn't happened yet. Put your disappointment on hold for a few days.

Blossomdeary Thu 22-Dec-16 14:45:37

"his selfishness, porn problems and other issues." - I would have thought that a Christmas present was the least of your worries. I am sorry you are having a difficult time in your relationship.

OH once did a big build-up to Xmas present which would "increase our pleasure in bed" - I wasn't quite sure what he would come up with, but hoped it would not be round the base of the tree for the children to watch me open it! When it arrived it was a huge box - my mind was boggling. It turned out to be a Teasmaid!

happychristmasbum Thu 22-Dec-16 14:46:40

Agree with PP.

Give him the benefit of the doubt in case the straighteners are a decoy and he has also booked you the holiday.

If he hasn't, go anyway with someone else.

Dozer Thu 22-Dec-16 14:48:28

perhaps it's time to call it a day.

If he hasn't booked it it was shit of him to talk to you and your family about it.

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