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Feel slightly disappointed, but unsurprised at the same time. Sigh.

(7 Posts)
SerialReJoiner Thu 22-Dec-16 11:11:28

I am 39+3 with a few older dc. My edd is the same date as my dd's birthday next week, so dh and I came up with a plan to take her on a special birthday trip today and tomorrow (dh is taking her, I am at home with the others) to help stave off the feelings of being overshadowed by baby and Christmas this year.

My DM surprised me by offering to come stay while dh & DD are away. Great - helping hand with the dc, less pressure on me, etc.

But it isn't like that at all, and I always forget until she comes to visit. She wants entertaining, she sits while I do all the cooking, takes several naps throughout the day, etc. I've been up since 5am from doing the airport run, and after waking at 8am talking about how well she slept (fab, I'm happy she was comfortable), she went up for a nap at 9.30am "because I can! You don't mind, do you?"

I basically have to function as of I'm the only adult in the house, but it's harder because I still have to cater to a guest. Then there's the never-ending comments on the levels of cleanliness and/or clutter in the house, when again, I could just do with a helping hand rather than someone else to cater for.

I am making her sound awful. She isn't deliberately nasty, just kind of clueless and seems to have forgotten what it's like to run a household with children in it!

Normally I'm willing and able to overlook this sort of thing and just accept her for who she is - a complicated woman who loves us to the best of her ability but doesn't give me what I actually need. I'm just feeling fed up and tired today. Blah.

LemonSqueezy0 Thu 22-Dec-16 11:29:22

Ask her for help and she will either do it out of the goodness of her heart, or because she doesn't want to be seen to say no... Just in a breezy way mention how glad you are she's not a guest who requires waiting on hand and foot and would she mind terribly doing the X, Y, Z while you grab a nap or do A, B, C. See how it goes xx

Cricrichan Thu 22-Dec-16 11:43:12

How ridiculous! My mum and any female guest I've ever had have always been completely hands on and didn't even need asking. That includes the childless ones.

What is she like when you go to her house?

namechange102 Thu 22-Dec-16 12:36:17

What were her motives in offering to stay? Did she think you would appreciate the company? You're going to have to bite the bullet and communicate more directly with what you were hoping she would help with while she's there. I don't see why this would be a problem?

Kidnapped Thu 22-Dec-16 12:43:07

Can you send her out with the other children? For the entire day tomorrow or something?

Do you need any shopping before Christmas? Can she head out and do that for you?

That might give you a bit of time to rest or at least get a bit organised for Christmas.

SerialReJoiner Thu 22-Dec-16 13:12:11

name change you are right. I've asked her to look after the dc tomorrow so I can go to a last minute ob appointment. She is downstairs with the children now so I will do something else (sleep) while she is up.

I feel bad about complaining because it turns out she is on medication that makes her drowsy. blush She offered to come help with the children while dh is away, and in case the baby comes but I didn't ask, she offered!

SerialReJoiner Thu 22-Dec-16 13:13:44

Luckily I am done with Christmas prep!

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