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Overheard DS discussing rape case

(23 Posts)
Gorgeoussunset Wed 21-Dec-16 23:33:20

You may have heard about the Sara Roebuck letter to her rapist which has gone viral. There's a thread in feminism on it. I overheard DS discussing it with his friend after they got back from a night out. I wasn't deliberately eavesdropping just curious. I was quite encouraged as both DS and his friend said how deeply affected they were and how it has given them a massive insight into what women fear and what some women have experienced. As a feminist I want to talk to him about it. Maybe tomorrow

alvinp Wed 21-Dec-16 23:36:47

Good kid. Encourage that empathy.

Yesitsmeagain Wed 21-Dec-16 23:40:10

How very, very encouraging. You've clearly brought him up well. Tell him how proud you are.

user1475253854 Wed 21-Dec-16 23:43:04

That must be a proud mum/parent moment smile
Definitely encourage it.

DeleteOrDecay Wed 21-Dec-16 23:52:43

How lovely, I clicked on this thread expecting something else. Sounds like you've raised a good'un there op.

Gorgeoussunset Thu 22-Dec-16 11:19:22

I didn't know what to expect either when I first heard them talking about it. Obviously I know he is a quiet and gentle boy, but really terribly naive for 19, and sometimes prone to being influenced by others. His pal surprised me a bit as well as he is a bit more of a kind of semi-lad always going to gigs the pub etc. I know DS won't stay naive forever, I am just hoping he will find the right path when it comes to treating women unlike his father. But sounds encouraging. I haven't talked to him yet maybe will raise it when he is back from his Xmas job.

PleaseNotTrump Thu 22-Dec-16 12:46:19

Well done OP. We have a huge responsibility to bring our sons up to be decent men.

user1475253854 Thu 22-Dec-16 13:02:41

I think it's one thing to talk to you about these things (particularly if you've spoken to him about sex/consent/relationships) but for him and his friend to talk to each other in a positive way (as in they've understood the account and aren't dismissing the woman's experiences) is really good. I was listening to Grayson Perry on Woman's hour the other day and he was speaking to some teenage boys about masculinity and he found that the boys were always kind of eyeing each other up and judging how much they can say/how open they can be with each other. It sounds like they have a good relationship.

OurBlanche Thu 22-Dec-16 13:22:19

Do you know the friend's mum?

I would want to share that feeling with her smile

Gorgeoussunset Thu 22-Dec-16 15:45:11

I don't know the friends Mum no, but I suppose she is findable, Facebook or something. He is back soon from work. I hope he doesn't think I was snooping it is just the house has very thin walls so you can hear conversations.

Gorgeoussunset Thu 22-Dec-16 19:32:37

Well this has been a revelation. I have just had a long long chat with my son. He did not know I heard last night. Seems there has been an issue with a couple of students at his uni (not involving him). I dont think I should say any more about this. But he and his pal got talking about this and the letter which came to attention on twitter was brought up. Essentially he and his friend said they now understood at a deeper level the anxieties of women when eg drinking or walking home. We talked about how the Internet has brought misogyny to the forefront and about the way different cultures treat women. He told me he was called gay for not wolfwhistling women in the street when he was recently on a study visit to the South of France. I worried about him and the male influences on him, but right now I am a proud mother to a son respectful of women.

DeleteOrDecay Thu 22-Dec-16 19:35:35

Your son sounds like a lovely young man and you have every right to be proud of him.fsmile

MrTCakes Thu 22-Dec-16 19:40:30

You must be very proud of your son. We need our boys to grow up like him.

sixteenclumsyandshy Thu 22-Dec-16 20:22:37

Agreed. He has learned an important lesson. I hope he knows how proud you are

LuluLovesFruitcakes Thu 22-Dec-16 20:29:08

Gosh you must be so proud! He sounds like a brilliant young man fsmile

Yesitsmeagain Fri 23-Dec-16 11:04:30

If he's got to 19 and avoided turning into a Neanderthal then I reckon he's on the home run.

pog100 Fri 23-Dec-16 11:23:00

I think there is a bit of a tendency to demonise young adult men lately. I know the prevailing culture is becoming worryingly misogynistic but I think the majority of boys and men care for women in reasonably emotionally intelligent ways and it is a bit of a shame that we assume that 19 year boys will condone a rape culture.

Gorgeoussunset Fri 23-Dec-16 14:58:43

Well there is good and bad in every demographic. If I were super optimistic I would say maybe there is a backlash brewing among the young against the misogynistic culture. I feel for the young woman who wrote the letter but to hear 2 19 year old lads say they now understand the importance of eg crossing the road at night to avoid intimidating a lone woman is really quite moving.

sleepingkoala Fri 23-Dec-16 15:26:37

That's great. That has actually genuinely cheered me up as I've been spending way too much time lately looking on the internet in forums and stuff and getting depressed by some of the comments on such things as rape cases. Although obviously that's depressing about the other boys who called him gay etc. but it sounds like he's a really strong, considerate and thoughtful person and will not put up with it/listen to that kinda stuff.

LeadPipe Fri 23-Dec-16 15:29:57

This has genuinely jeered me up to. Thanks OP.

LeadPipe Fri 23-Dec-16 15:30:45


This has genuinely cheered me up too.

No jeering.

Gorgeoussunset Fri 23-Dec-16 17:12:06

sleeping and Leadpipe I am so happy this has cheered you up. Me too, no end in fact. Believe it or not it wasn't boys or even student age guys calling him gay in France but according to him primarily older men. Probably hoping to protect their own sense of entitlement. For all I know and what do I care, he might be gay. Although shy he does seem more at ease around girls and women. And, I think they around him.

teawamutu Fri 23-Dec-16 21:33:08

I have two boys. They're 5 and 9 so a way to go yet, but I'll be terrifically proud if I can say similar of them. Played smile

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