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Why am I still so resentful that OW and exP get on like a house on fire?

(18 Posts)
VladmirsPoutine Wed 21-Dec-16 20:15:41

How do I let go?

Though they have long since broken up they still remain in touch and seem to get on just fine.

I wonder if I'll always feel bitter and resentful over them.

How can I change this?

TheNaze73 Wed 21-Dec-16 20:22:53

Only you can change this. They both mean sod all to you now. Treat them that way

Finola1step Wed 21-Dec-16 20:24:40

May I ask, if you are no longer with the exP, how do you know that they are still in contact and get on well?

Potnoodlewilld0 Wed 21-Dec-16 20:25:45

Do you feel there is still something between them? I usually find when people split up and remain 'good friends' there is some one that is still attached.

Maybe it's that, that is pissing you off?

VladmirsPoutine Wed 21-Dec-16 20:51:04

pot yes, that's what annoys me. In fact I shouldn't even be annoyed with her as she thought he was single. She was at no fault at all. I think I just get the rage whenever I see something on FB etc.

Evergreen17 Wed 21-Dec-16 21:00:25

Remove them from facebook

LemonSqueezy0 Wed 21-Dec-16 21:47:18

Honestly, for your own sanity block one or preferably both, on Facebook, Twitter, instagram etc. absolutely no good can come of it .

MercuryInRetrograde Wed 21-Dec-16 21:50:37

Delete delete delete block hide ignore

TheStoic Thu 22-Dec-16 02:16:38

As PP's have said, there is a very simple solution to your problem - get them off your social media. Will you do that?

LemonSqueezy0 Thu 22-Dec-16 13:05:17

Also, I think part of it is a bitterness that they genuinely get on. It validates their 'relationship' and there was no hurt or anger between the pair of them. Maybe it feels like they got through it intact, and as they get on so well, really they could get back together at any point? As I said above, you need to stop looking and think of your own story

Scribblegirl Thu 22-Dec-16 13:10:01

I would think that it validates any lingering guilt, like, if they remain friends then they didn't fuck up people's lives for nothing. Do either of them have new partners? There's no way I'd want to be with a guy who was in such good contact with a former OW. If either of them are single I'd imagine this is a huge factor (or, if they have partners, pity the poor partners who have to put up with it! - and remember you're well shot).

Scribblegirl Thu 22-Dec-16 13:11:23

Ah sorry, missed your update. She thought he was single and he lied to her? God, how low must her self esteem be in order to have a guy lie and scheme to get her into bed and then be mates with him afterwards?!

VladmirsPoutine Thu 22-Dec-16 13:46:50

Thank you lemon very succinct and exactly what it is. The bitterness does stem from the 'genuine' part of it even though he was so duplicitous. I have been ok for the better part of the past 2 years. I can't reconcile that he was so awful to me/us but is otherwise such a well respected and good person.

I know I have to let go but I just don't sometimes seem able to.

VladmirsPoutine Thu 22-Dec-16 13:48:21

scribble not so much he lied to her but just left out the major part of the story where we were engaged. She had no idea - he briefly left her when we were trying to make things work. When he walked out again he went straight back to her and she just thought he'd been unwell. I still get the rage when I think about it all.

Hermonie2016 Thu 22-Dec-16 13:54:03

I would pity her.She must have low self esteem or hadn't yet learnt about toxic people.Is she young?

It would be understandable if she was as she's trying be to the 'cool' ex.When we get older we realise that toxic people need to be removed from your life as keeping them doesn't allow you to heal or move on.You can't be real friends with someone who lied to you, surely that's not friendship just a superficial relationship.

happychristmasbum Thu 22-Dec-16 17:13:21

Keeping either of them on FB and not blocking them is a form of self harm - can you see that?

You are still so resentful because you are not giving yourself a chance to heal. flowers

Inexperiencedchick Thu 22-Dec-16 17:36:02

I wish you all well OP 💐

I haven't been engaged but was invested deeply in someone 2 years ago.

I didn't delete him from FB for a year, just deactivated my FB. After a year I cancelled him as a friend, quietly, activating my FB only for that reason. Do I know who he with? No! Do I want to know? No! Am I on FB after removing him from my friends list? No! Did I become bitter after him doing what he has done? Yes, can't say no. And I also became assertive and working on my self esteem.
Maybe I will come back to FB in future, but not at the moment.

Life is too short to waste it on people who disrespect us!

If he cheated on you prior marriage you are actually a winner here.

Concentrate on something else, it will make a difference.

Good luck to you, x

Hassled Thu 22-Dec-16 17:40:23

You have to ask yourself why she's still mates with someone who actually treated her pretty badly - either her self-esteem is in tatters, or in fact she just doesn't really care about him. Maybe she can be mates because she was never especially in to him - in which case it's a fairly superficial friendship. But I agree that no good will come of you continuing to see this - just block them and it'll get easier in time.

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