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Feeling sad about my sister

(13 Posts)
MessezFaire Wed 21-Dec-16 12:39:06

Just having a bit of a down day today. My younger sister has sent me a gift in the post and it's a parenting book from Amazon. I find it pretty insulting as she has only met DS once when he was 8 weeks old so how on earth can she possibly think she's in a position to get me a parenting book? She's never seen my parenting despite me inviting her over several times she is always too busy.

She hasn't sent anything for DS and didn't for his birthday either. It's not the lack of gifts it's the complete lack of interest in her nephew that is really hurtful.

The backstory is she has a long history of hurting me and I always stupidly try to move forwards and offer the olive branch. I'm a total doormat basically. My other sister is wonderful and absolutely dotes on DS and is kind and supportive to me.

I need to just stop being a doormat don't I?

xStefx Wed 21-Dec-16 12:43:31

Say "I didn't get it, not sure what happened."
When she tells you what it was say:
"why did you send me that? strange! Just as well it didn't turn up then as I don't need it, shame you wasted your money"

Stilltryingtobeme Wed 21-Dec-16 12:58:36

I don't talk to my sister, life is easier, quieter and less stressful. My brother is awesome.

MatildaTheCat Wed 21-Dec-16 13:00:53

OK, we don't know the backstory but it doesn't strike me as a bitchy gift. You've become a parent so she's sent you a parenting book. Parenting books are for interested parents not a message that you are a shit mother.

If someone bought a house with a garden for the first time one might buy them a book about gardening, no?

It's a shame she shows no interest but you say she is younger so is maybe at a very different stage of life? When my first DC was born my youngest db barely acknowledged it now I look back but he was just busy doing his thing. Your elder dsis is probably more on your wavelength.

Please don't take this the wrong way but are you quite certain you aren't being a bit princessey here? She's sent you a gift, just say thanks. Maybe read it, it might be good.

shockthemonkey Wed 21-Dec-16 13:56:29

How old is your DS now?

... if nine weeks, then give your sister some slack!

... if nine years, then yes, she is supremely disinterested but still, the book may not have been meant as a bitchy present

shockthemonkey Wed 21-Dec-16 13:57:19

OK sorry, he's 1 yr old at least.

Does she live nearby or another country/continent?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 21-Dec-16 14:01:52

she has a long history of hurting me
YES - stop being a doormat.
Stop trying.
Just don't bother with her and see what happens.
Focus on the people around who do love and support you.
This sister will never be that person.
Accept it and move on.

Were you the 'scapegoat' in the family?
You seem awfully keen to please.

youngestisapsycho Wed 21-Dec-16 14:13:34

I'd send it back to her and I'd underpay the postage so she had to go collect from PO and pay the difference!

MessezFaire Wed 21-Dec-16 15:50:18

DS is almost two, we're both in our 30s, so is elder sister.

Maybe I am over reacting/being a bit princessy about the parenting book. I don't think I'm being unreasonable about her lack of interest though. She lives about 3 hrs away so not around the corner but not too far to come stay the night and share a bottle of wine.

I'm just going to back off a bit I think and focus on the family and friends who do show an interest.

Thanks for all the replies - it's so useful to get other perspectives.

NathalieM Wed 21-Dec-16 15:51:56

Sorry to hear this hun...I too would be annoyed and leaving 3 hours away is not an excuse for her behaviour.

Nat xx

StiffenedPleat Thu 22-Dec-16 00:52:23

She sounds not that nice at all. Is she someone you want to have close contact with your child?

I sent my sister 3 bottles of bubbly for her birthday (delivered to her house) with a card. They arrived on the morning of her birthday. She texted me on the wrong day to wish me happy birthday, saying: 'Not sure if it's today, tomorrow or the day after, but have a good one'. grin

Summerlovinf Thu 22-Dec-16 07:27:15

I'd either read it or send it to a charity shop. If you don't see much of each other how is she supposed to know what you'd like. If she's trying to make a bitchy point about your parenting, rise above it.

Stickytoffeepuddings Thu 22-Dec-16 07:44:30

My brother was hopeless and disinterested in my kids till he had his own, then was massively apologetic for his lack of interest... he just didn't get it till he had his own

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