Hello. And thank you for reading this. I appreciate any help and feedback.
My wife and I have been married for 22 years. We have raised two children (the youngest is 16).
In 2013 I lost my job and we moved across the country to another city for my new job. They were so incredibly unhappy that they moved back to the city which we move from after 1 year. I have been traveling back and forth every weekend for 3 years to see them.
In the process of this separation, we have grown apart. Our interests have changed, we have become emotionally separated. And, the usual line applies: I love her, but I am not in love with her. 2+ years of separation has caused us to drift.
I am the breadwinner for the family. She has a job at the local school where they live, but it is more for something to do than for the money, as it only pays around $13k per year.
In the course of her being there and me being here, I have met someone else and become involved in a relationship with her. In my loneliness, and in my desire for companionship, the two of us have developed a love over time. I already know that this is something I should not have done, but it is where I am.
What this has caused me to realize is that I am a different person than I was several years ago. I am not angry or upset with my wife. I do not wish her any ill will. We have just both changed as people, and it feels as though we are staying together out of obligation, rather than because we want to be together. She is not happy with me, and I am not happy with her. We are not UNhappy, we just are not happy.
So now I face this situation where I have become involved with someone over a period of 1 year and developed a love relationship that is deep. I know it is wrong. If anything, I should have left my wife and then figured out what I want. But this is where I am, and have done what I have done.
I am no longer attracted to my wife. Not just because of the usual weight gain, but as a person. Our interests are so different now. We are such different people. I do not want to spend time with her, even before meeting my current girlfriend. I just dread the time that I do have to spend with her.
My question is this: Am I just experiencing some sort of mid-life crisis where my perception is warped, or do I just need to move on? And if I need to move on, is it with my girlfriend, or just move on because I am no longer in love with my wife?
Before anyone takes the time and effort to point out that I am a bastard or a coward, please know that I already realize that. I just want to figure out what to do from this point forward.
Thank you for any insight and advice that you all may have.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I guess I should leave....?
atlsoul · 21/12/2016 05:05
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