Am a regular but NC. Not sure what anyone can do but really feel I need to get this out. My dad left when I was a baby- I only saw him every now and again during my chidhood - sometimes once or twice a year then maybe not for a few years. He sometimes sent birthday/christmas card sometimes not. He'd remarried and had another dd when I was a teenager. After that I think I only saw him once.
Dm (who was abusive) also remarried and divorced again when I was a teen. She said he'd not want to see me after he had the new dd and this proved to be true. Dm died when I was in my 20s and after that I tried contacting 'd'F. Initially he was ok to speak to me, but he clearly found it quite awkward, and took to writing letters instead, occasionally emails. The trouble is they were just basically newsletters about his new dd (who was by then a teen) and everything he was doing with her In the end I tried to bring it up, that this was painful, that he wasn't around when I was growing up.
He took this really badly and sent me what I felt was a horrible letter, saying he'd met some nasty people in his time (I took this as his view of me?) but that he was neither good or bad, had been given a second chance (his new dd) and that was it, he was fine.
I felt like he had never 'seen' me, listened to me, and the whole thing made me feel worse than if I'd never got back in touch with him. This was years ago now. I was married at the time but exh left for OW (quite a few yrs ago)
I've had therapy but despite this I feel like on some level that I will never be 'good enough' for a man I want to move on from this, but how? I'm finding I don't even want to date these days as it just makes me feel crap. Thanks for reading all this if you've got this far.
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I want to feel better about this now
4 replies
welliesocks · 20/12/2016 22:01
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