Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Anyone else feeling lonely?

(25 Posts)
J0kersSmile Tue 20-Dec-16 20:57:51

I am, I've been single quite a while. Have dated a bit but have given up because I'm just too busy. (3 jobs, college and a single/lone parent). Have stopped working and college over the Christmas period and its hit me how lonely I really am.

I also have a crush which isn't reciprocated so that's made me feel pretty shit too.

Dreading Christmas and new year now. Everyone else is coupled up and happy, I'm still on my own. My family comments quite a lot about finding someone before I'm old and other general rubbing ins.(example my dm, "you need to find a man just like mine"

I should count how lucky I am, however I feel like shite right now.

SaltyRock Tue 20-Dec-16 21:16:28

Yeah, I'm a bit lonely too.
Also single parent working a lot.
I'm not really looking to date as I'm not ready to.
I understand how you feel. I'll be spending Christmas surrounded by couples and will be the only single person there. I'm trying really hard to focus on myself at the moment and making my life exactly what I want it to be.
You're not alone. smile

YetAnotherGuy Tue 20-Dec-16 21:19:28

If I read this correctly, you have at least one child. Make Christmas great for them

And as for DM - you need to tell her that yes, that's what you would like too, But it isn't what you have at the moment. She isn't being helpful - you need her support

J0kersSmile Tue 20-Dec-16 21:29:29

Thanks salty it's such a rubbish feeling when you haven't got a partner to have in jokes with or buy a present for. I didn't date for years and it was fine when I was in that mind-set of long term single but I've come to that point where I do want someone again and it's rubbish seeing happy couples everywhere atm, even every bloody Christmas film.

yetanotherguy Christmas will be great for my two dc, we have lots going on. I was posting to have a moan really as I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. I normally have my shit together, I'm not a sad desperate woman trying to get her claws into a man to get looked after or who doesn't do anything with the dc.

1DAD2KIDS Tue 20-Dec-16 21:54:18

Yes on and off. Likewise full time worker and single parent to two young kids. Hardly get any free time and it's not conducive to a relationship. Have a few causal things that have worked well in terms of fun and free time avaliable. But now I feel it's time for something a little more. Nothing too intense but someone to actualy share a bit of my life with. Sometimes I feel sad about that lack of someone. Sometimes I feel perfectly happy alone. It a feeling that flip flops now and then. I am sure your not the only one of us on here that feels this way.

Cricrichan Tue 20-Dec-16 21:54:37

What's the point of those comments? Tell your DM to shut up. And there are as many unhappy couples as there are happy ones. Enjoy your Christmas with your DC and maybe also go out and have fun.

1DAD2KIDS Tue 20-Dec-16 21:57:00

I am early 30s and most of my mates are just starting to get married and have kids. I am slightly ahead of the curve. It does feel rubbish being the odd one out.

J0kersSmile Tue 20-Dec-16 22:03:28

1dad you've summed it up perfectly what I want. Someone not to serious but yet someone to share a bit of my life with. A plus one grin but not all the time.

I don't really go out, I work, have a hobby and I hate wasting my weekends with a hangover. Every Saturday I take the dc out either to a nt place or swimming or the cinema and every Sunday we do our hobby (taekwondo which we also so 2/3x in the week) and get ready for the week coming. I don't want to go out and waste my time and money plus all my close friends are now having babies whilst mine are now older so there isn't anyone to go out with.

I will get on with it and cheer up but right now I'm wallowing.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 20-Dec-16 22:08:40

God it's irritating to be told to count your blessings when you just want to have a little wallow and vent.

I think Christmas can be a very hard time to be single ( or in an unhappy relationship) do you have my sympathies.

J0kersSmile Tue 20-Dec-16 22:14:36

Thank you bitoutofpractice.

garlicandsapphire Tue 20-Dec-16 22:18:42

Ah sympathies OP. I understand how you're feeling. Christmas can make you feel very alone.

The last two Christmases I knew I had someone out there who loved me, this year not. He was so difficult and the relationship so messy that I'm glad not to be in it now, i am better off single. I've lost my mother this year and that's more meaningful than the breakdown of my relationship. So really, I'd rather just spend time with my kids, with my family, with my nicest friends that I love and not deal with anything else. Its not exciting or romantic, but its real friendship and love thats lasts.

I'm sure you know this but there are so many unhappy marriages and famillies that its not really true that those who are on their own are the worst off and unhappiest. A lot of people get through Christmas through the skin of their teeth with people they cant stand and with lots of unspoken animosity. So best to find, where you can, simply pleasures and enjoy some rest from your hectic life. Try to enjoy the relaxation, its takes a while to get into it after being flat out, but you need it. Cry if you need to, you'll feel better after. Have lie-ins, watch movies all day, take some long walks, a coffee, glass of wine or meal with a friend here and there. You are not the only one, its not forever. Take each day as it comes. You're strong and as you look forwards, every day you survived feeling on your own, you are stronger. Building you up for your adventures in 2017.

Big hugs. xxxx

Stickytoffeepuddings Tue 20-Dec-16 22:25:21

Yep same! Have great fun during the days with my dc's but once they are asleep in the evening I too feel lonely, also felt an unintentional blow the other evening as friend had suggested an activity to do with our kids tomorrow only to say the other day actually don't think I can manage to do it with my DC's withough DH, I felt really alone then as I have no choice but to 'manage', she has 2 DC's, I have 3, definitely wollowing! Also have an unrecripriquated crush... we had a fling, he ended it, now just friends, becoming good friends, will even be spending some of Christmas Day together due to circle of friends/family... longing for someone in my life again... New Years resolution is to make more time and get more proactive about finding someone, but yes sadly you definitely aren't alone flowers

1DAD2KIDS Tue 20-Dec-16 22:36:51

I always wonder how you can be happy all the time. For me it is swings and round abouts. Sometimes I do like being single. Sometimes it makes me sad. Why am I not one or the other all the time. As pointed out if I was in a relationship I could still be unhappy. But then I have experience true love once. It's a hell of a high but it's a massive low when it goes wrong. It sort of seem whether you are single or in a relationship it's hard to be truly happy for the rest of your life. It feels like I can't win.

So I think for me it would just be nice to find someone to share that bit of a life when I have free time and someone I can actually call my girlfriend. Without the need to move in with each other, merge cd collections or see each other everyday. But then that could be easier said than done. I know what's it's like when you truly fall in love. What if that horrible affliction happened to me again? That would bugger up my sensible and safe relationship plan.

J0kersSmile Tue 20-Dec-16 22:37:57

Oh garlic thank you for being so kind you've made me cry. I'm finding it really hard to switch off and relax but I will take some time and just chill out. (can't remember the last time we've spent a whole day indoors but tomorrow will be a pyjama day). Thank you so much for your post I really appreciate it and I want you to take the advice you have given me and treat yourself too. flowers

stickytoffee I hate that princess shit, I have a friend like that as well. We don't meet up with the kids very often anymore. It's so shit when you want someone special again as well. I know it won't be like forever for me or you, it's just another stage in life but it's so crap especially when there is someone around that you like! Good luck dating in 2017, I just want mr right to knock on my door and announce he's here grin

1DAD2KIDS Tue 20-Dec-16 22:39:59

And too be fair it probably feels a bit out off order to all ways be second fiddle to the kids. So I would be a crap boyfriend because I all ways want to have quality on my days off with the kids. My ex has them every second weekend but even then I am often working the fri and sat.

J0kersSmile Tue 20-Dec-16 22:45:58

1dad I don't expect to be happy all the time, I'd quite like to be half happy watching TV next to my imaginary other half, having someone to cook dinner for and chat about the day with. I'd like that comfortable feeling with someone who I also fancy the pants off of.

I would like to live with someone again, but I'd like a very slow start to that. I do know what you mean as I felt for years if I ever got with someone again I wouldn't be washing his socks but now I'm miserable as I don't have imaginary socks to wash!

Would you really like to stay in the boyfriend/girlfriend stage forever?

J0kersSmile Tue 20-Dec-16 22:49:25

1dad snap, I expect a man would feel rubbish that I have no time and anytime I do have I chose to spend with them, but mine are eleven and nine so they're almost at that stage of not wanting to spend every Saturday walking up a hill and wanting to play out with their mates instead of me.

CatBallou2 Tue 20-Dec-16 22:52:19

I'm lonely. Been single for a year and this'll be my first Christmas as a single person, for 32 years. I'll be with my mum Christmas day, and might see some other family members, but will be the only single one among us. Hopefully, in 2017 I'll get my act together and be less lonely.

WinnieTheWilt Tue 20-Dec-16 22:53:21

I am normally very happy single but I did get a real pang of loneliness today. Much as you describe. I blame Christmas

Stickytoffeepuddings Tue 20-Dec-16 23:19:30

OP you sound very like me, would far rather have mr right just come and knock on my door too... I do try and sit and watch the tv with my imaginary mr right as find it dull alone, thus very rarely watch tv! Even found myself contemplating 3 men... a friend to talk with, a friend to chill with and one with benifits... considered today if 3 different Ines maybe simpler than all three in one grin!! Before this thought, while driving I chatted to (imaginary boyfriend) myself out loud by mistake and my DS who is 8 said 'arenyou talking to yourself' 'yes' I replied 'mummy you do that quite a lot... I think you are actually quite good at it!!' Hope my right knocks on your door very soon

J0kersSmile Tue 20-Dec-16 23:31:45

grin I chat to my imaginary boyfriend in the car and while watching TV too! He's obviously perfect, agrees with everything I say and thinks I'm amazing! We never argue...

I hope Mr right knocks on your door as well.

My unrequited crush is my sons best friends dad (single), he did ask me to have a pint once when we were going to take dc to the park together but it never happened and he doesn't ever text me unless it's about arrangements for dc. We do chat quite a bit about more than the dc but he doesn't pursue anything so I've accepted he doesn't like me the same. (or he does but doesn't want to take anything further) He'd be so bloody perfect as well.

1DAD2KIDS Tue 20-Dec-16 23:53:51

Mine are 1 Yo and 5 yo. So free time is still all about playing with daddy.

I am fine alone when busy (although sometimes when super snowed under with work a little angry with the ex who abandoned us all in the shit to move half way across the country). I am fine when I am doing a hobby or DIY. But sometimes, just sometimes (normally that rare moment I get to stop and have time with my thoughts) BAM the loneliness just stabs you in the back when you least expect. It hurts too. I hate it because you think you fine and it ambushes you from nowhere. You just wonder do these surprise attacks ever stop. But I quickly get over them then I am right as rain again. It's very strange.

Does anyone else's loneliness ambush them when they least expect?

Tigertamer Wed 21-Dec-16 01:07:19

Yes 1dad, it mostly hits me in the car for some reason . Probably because as you say it's often the only time I'm alone. I have to remind myself that things could be worse and all in all life is not too bad.

J0kersSmile Wed 21-Dec-16 09:25:08

1dad mine usually hits me at the end of a gathering when everyone's leaving with their partners and I'm leaving by myself.

And Christmas.

1DAD2KIDS Wed 21-Dec-16 10:16:18

J0kersSmile yes me too. When they are smiling, hugging and holding try and imagine that as soon has they get home they are going to have one of those big blown up arguments that unhappy copies have. Maybe about the mother in law or why were you looking at that other person in at the party or must you play golf on a Saturday etc. Maybe you'll feel better.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now