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Christening & godparents

(17 Posts)
secretgirl Tue 20-Dec-16 20:37:57

Myself and my other half have had a major disagreement over godparents for our baby. Is if possible on the Catholic Church to have your baby christened without them to avoid any more trouble or sleepless nights for me?confused

autumnkate Tue 20-Dec-16 21:32:33

Without godparents? No, you definitely need godparents in the Catholic Church. In fact, our priest wasn't happy we didn't have a godmother.

What is the disagreement?

Blossomdeary Tue 20-Dec-16 21:43:42

How divisive religion can be. How sad.

Ashgr0ve Tue 20-Dec-16 22:37:30

You can have 2 of each if that helps. I'm godmother of my friends daughter along with her SIL and her DB shares with his best friend. Not sure if that is in anyway helpful but you do need godparents I'm afraid!

secretgirl Tue 20-Dec-16 22:41:38

He has asked a male relative be a godparent that I really didn't want to be asked. Im quite devistated and as a compromise I wanted to ask a male relative of mine to stand aswell. We have a godmother. My partner has said absolutely no. No way are we having 3 godparents. I'm quite close to my brother & really want to ask him aswell. I feel his relative is immature, has too many problems and in general not quite in the real world. I'm dehistated in 2 levels. Firstly I feel my baby deserves more in a godparent. And secondly that my brother is left out. I feel horrible & cant seem to move on. It's quite an important role to me.

iamamickey Tue 20-Dec-16 23:02:13

I have four children and each one has two godmothers and two godfathers. We are Roman Catholics.

coolaschmoola Tue 20-Dec-16 23:08:04

Why does he have the right to veto?

Heatherplant Wed 21-Dec-16 07:01:30

Check with the priest first. RC church where my two were christened will only allow 2 godparents (one being baptised RC and the other being baptised Christian.) It came about after such disputes were ending up with babies having 8 godparents 'to keep everybody happy'. Is this a church you attend regularly?

autumnkate Wed 21-Dec-16 08:20:40

I think you absolutely should ask your brother. That way you are both compromising (you with the one you're not keen on and DH with 3 godparents).

Also, only confirmed Catholics can be godparents in the Catholic Church. You can have others but they are 'witnesses' not full godparents.

Hope you get it resolved x

autumnkate Wed 21-Dec-16 08:21:46

All of mine have 3 godparents, it's quite normal

allegretto Wed 21-Dec-16 08:28:49

My children are christened Catholic and have a godmother and a godfather each. One godfather is no longer have n contact with us! Really I think you are investing too much into this - your brother will presumably still be part of your child's life whether or not he is a godparent.

MrsDustyBusty Wed 21-Dec-16 08:49:54

We had 4 godparents - 2 godmothers, 2 godfathers for ourselves. Didn't cause any raised eyebrows.

MrsDustyBusty Wed 21-Dec-16 08:50:37

I don't know why "ours" autocorrected to "ourselves".

saoirse31 Thu 22-Dec-16 00:08:27

Why would anyone have more than two godparents?

Maybe ur dh doesn't see godparent told as vital as u do. Also, if gpdp is immature etc then you prob wont see much of him

LittleBoat Thu 22-Dec-16 00:13:52

Do you know if all your godparents are baptised and can prove it? This is required by most catholic churches/priests and might therefore dictate who you can actually have.

My DIL was unable to have who she wanted as her chosen godmother wasn't baptised.

mirokarikovo Thu 22-Dec-16 00:23:41

It's traditional in the high-Anglican church I belong to for there to be 2 godparents of the same sex as the baby and 1 of the opposite sex.

It's unusual in the circles I move in to choose relatives at all. Your relatives are already linked to the baby by blood. For us, all godparents are non-relatives.

Your brother isn't "left out" - he is the baby's uncle and doesn't need to be godfather too.

Your dh is totally unreasonable and controlling and disrespectful to have asked someone to be godfather without your wholehearted agreement, and to veto your idea for mitigating the mess he created.

This immature and inappropriate person should be uninvited from doing this role immediately, obviously with respectful apologies but the offer should not have ever been made. You and dh choose someone else, a mutual friend you are both happy with, who is neither the inappropriate bloke nor your brother.

secretgirl Tue 27-Dec-16 20:31:51

Thanks everyone so much for the replies. Yes eveujne we thought of for he role is baptised.
Miro you have put it quite well. I am finding him quite controlling of late to be honest. Your post brings a tear to my eye. Since baby came along things in general just don't seem right.
I am also so upset over his male friends visiting just after the birth. He didn't even tell me they were coming to visit in the hospital. They shouldn't have come in the first place for for them to come and him not even tell me. I am still so so angry over it. Of course I am the one in the wrong for bringing it up now & not getting over it. My own friends didn't even visit.
I dunno I'm questioning everything lately.

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